To be exasperated at fussy/picky eaters?

[Iloveabaconbutty]

Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated at "fussy eaters"? I was brought up to eat everything on my plate although as a concession my mum and dad said we were "allowed" not to like one thing - for me as a kid it was cheese I wasn't keen on (which as an adult I've actually grown to love). I also remember my mum's slight irritation - expressed lightheatedly and privately later on - at the schoolfriend who came to tea who didn't like this, didn't like that, was picky about the other, etc. and basically left everything she had prepared on his plate.

I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable.

Except that one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine. Her boyfriend is the same which makes meal planning a bit of a challenge when he comes to stay.

I'm wondering now - having read a bit about it online and elsewhere - if I'm being unreasonable about this and if there are very real issues for some people when it comes to what tastes unpleasant? ie.they really, genuinely cannot help disliking quite a wide range of foods?

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated. We were brought up like this too - and to the extent that I now appreciate a wide variety of food I'm very grateful. But is this so straightforward for some people?

If you know that you brought your kids up to try everything and you still have a daughter who is now what you'd call fussy, then it stands to reason that it's not so straightforward as upbringing alone. Surely you can see that?

No it isn't straight forward for everyone.

Why should someone get to determine how much/what food another person is allowed to dislike?

My son is autistic, he has an aversion to certain textures and is very sensitive to strong flavours and smells. He will wretch and vomit if anything is in the vicinity that his senses can't handle.

You can be as exasperated as you want but it doesn't change the fact that some people have real issues with food and it should be upto them to manage it how they wish once they are into adulthood. It doesn't affect you in any way.

Children should be encouraged, and always be offered a variety of food choices, but forcing and getting frustrated with them won't achieve anything other than creating a bigger issue.

"I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable."

Do you think that the parents of fussy eaters are just not trying hard enough?

I had two very unfussy children, encouraging trying foods, etc.

However, now they are young adults, they have regressed. Argh!

We meal plan, and do this with people's particular likes and dislikes in mind - but at this point, it's eat it or don't. And if you want something else, help yourselves to what's in the fridge or buy deliveroo.

Oh, and to add to the complexity, one daughter is coeliac, and other daughter's fiance is lactose intolerant.

You are absolutely being unreasonable. plenty of reasons why people don’t like food ranging from personal preference to those who have additional needs.

Forcing people to clear their plate when you know they don’t like it may have been a necessity in your childhood but certainly is rude, maybe even cruel now

I know people born around 1940 and they didn't eat Bananas until about eight because of rationing. The takeaway choice was chip shop food, which everyone would find something to eat. People didn't eat the varied diet or eat out like we do now, so the post war years are irrelevant. It sounds like she has a texture issue. I wouldn't eat what my South African father would. I do like a Nigerian/North African diet, though. I'm an adult and I won't eat Cauliflower, Broccoli or uncooked beetroot. There's nothing that we have to eat now days. I don't see what difference someone not drinking coffee or wine would make.

Texture
Taste
Smell
What it looks like
All of those can be a reason for not liking certain foods.
Some people are happy to try something new and if they don't like it never have it again.
Some people literally cannot try something new because they are terrified how it will taste and/or feel in their mouth.
There's many many reasons....
So what if your daughter doesn't like coffee or wine. They aren't exactly essential.

Some people are 'super tasters' and so have a different experience when eating foods. It can be a good thing - sommeliers, tea tasters etc, but also a bad thing (sprouts are definitely one thing that super tasters often don't like).
Some people have issues with textures rather than taste, but still prevents them from enjoying some foods.
Some people may have intolerances/mild allergies to certain foodstuffs which although they don't necessarily know about, they subconsciously know the food causes them some sort of physical issue - stomachache, headache etc - which will cause them to not like the food.
Personally, I don't eat spicy foods - anything with the smallest amount of chilli in causes me physical pain and prevents me from tasting any actual flavour.

I treated both my DCs the same with food - one will eat nearly everything, one was always extremely fussy and as an adult, still has quite a restricted diet. I don't think you can do much about it.

Strength of taste is genetic. If you taste things mildly, you will only mildly dislike some tastes , but if you taste things strongly, then what you dislike will be much much worse for you, so YABU.

I can't eat mayonnaise. Absolute aversion to the taste of vinegar, since I was first eating solids and tried a salt and vinegar crisp. I also can't eat salad (raw tomatoes/lettuce etc) as it tastes so bitter to me. I've been consistent in this for 38 years. Unfortunately this makes me seem "fussy" because burgers, pre-made sandwiches, side salads with jacket potatoes are all a no.

And yet it's seen as totally socially acceptable to not like certain foods. Olives, mushrooms, shellfish, anchovies. All of which I eat. Pisses me off.

Honestly why do you care? Just because you’d happily eat year old eggs cooked in bin juice doesn’t give you any right to be ‘exasperated’ that someone else doesn’t like baked beans. More baked beans for you. Maybe you could grow up and realise that everyone likes different things.

I offered a wide range of foods to my younger son, but he still has a very limited diet. He was diagnosed with ARFID and autism last year. We also discovered he has coeliac disease, so gluten harms him. He would have suffered immensely if I'd insisted he ate everything given to him.

So, yes, some people have very real reasons to be 'picky'.

There are two camps I think. Those with genuine taste and texture aversions, and those who think they should just have their favourite foods all the time without exception. When they say, 'I don't like x' they don't mean, 'I actively dislike x', they just mean, 'x isn't my favourite'.

The former gets a hard time because the latter group ruin it for everyone.

It's a touchy topic because the actively dislike x food people mostly hate being thought of as fussy and awkward, then threads like this start and they feel attacked, which isn't fair.

There's plenty of foods that I don't 'like' but don't 'dislike' them either. There's very little I really can't eat. Everything else I crack on with because most adults should have a varied diet.

My DM is what I would call 'fussy' but it's just she wants what she wants and makes a fuss and pulls faces otherwise. There's about 3 dinners she has on rotation and she's happy. If I suggest trying a new recipe, knowing she likes every single ingredient, she pulls a face or is at best lukewarm in her reaction to eating it (and I'm a good cook!) so I've stopped bothering. She pulled a face when I told her about a new restaurant I tried. It's now her favourite restaurant but she'll only ever have one thing on the menu. Whatever, her choice, and her loss.

Oddly she was pretty strict when I was growing up and I wasn't allowed to dislike anything or leave food on my plate!

My DD ate everything until about the age of 5 when she had a normal cold which put her off her food, once she was better (literally a couple of days later) almost everything she put in her mouth she gagged at and would be sick if she tried to swallow it, she said the taste or texture had changed.
We never forced anything and figured she would just get over it. Unfortunately this wasn't the case, she is limited now to about 10 foods she will eat, we have been under a dietitian for years but have had no improvement at all. It's an absolute nightmare and we can't even go for dinner because she doesn't eat anything that constitutes a meal, it's almost all carbs that she eats.
We get so much unsolicited advice or the usual, "she wouldn't get away with that in my house" Luckily I pay no mind to what outsiders say because I know we have and still are trying everything and I also know there isn't much you can do when a child is physically being sick at the dinner table.

So yes I think people should mind their own business and just be bloody thankful that they don't have to deal with it.

Generally... the definition of a picky eater is someone who doesn't eat what you like.

My DM used to struggle with my DDs diet for example. Which is actually very adventurous... she just doesn't like strawberries, potatoes (including chips) and when younger bread (she's very particular about bread still). Admittedly the potato and bread thing was a complete pain, but she wanted strong tasting food. Which is the opposite to my mother, who really only likes very bland stuff (no spices whatsoever for example)

I'm sure there are loads of stuff you don't like but you don't eat them so its not a problem for you.

Those with genuine taste and texture aversions, and those who think they should just have their favourite foods all the time without exception. When they say, 'I don't like x' they don't mean, 'I actively dislike x', they just mean, 'x isn't my favourite'.

But genuinely what’s wrong with that? When I go shopping I buy all the foods I like, and eat them. There’s no prize for tolerating foods you don’t really like when you could eat the foods you like.

Yes you are over simplifying. It's not as simple as telling someone they can't dislike food and forcing children to eat whatever is given and clear plates has been shown to be harmful.

Everyone has different tastes and that shouldn't be questioned. If you don't want to meal plan for your daughter and her boyfriend then tell them to cook for themselves.

It's not, unless you're eating with them and they completely dictate the restaurant or what everyone else eats because they basically think everyone should eat their favourites or cook multiple meals, rather than have something on their plate which doesn't give them an orgasm when they eat it.

Personally I don't let it bother me too much. Can't stand face pulling though.

Some people are fussy - smell, taste and texture, some aren’t u can’t force someone not to be, if u try they will end up with a eating disorder.

But then just don’t invite them or say we’re going to x? If they’re then rude, the problem isn’t that they want to eat food they like, it’s that they’re rude.

For goodness sake there is nothing wrong with someone - who is an adult - having different likes and dislikes to you. No need for exasperation. People have all sorts of different tastes and preferences. As long as your DD is keeping herself happy and healthy, what difference does it make that she doesn't like eating baked beans or whatever else you think she should be eating?

There’s a far greater variety of foods available now, unsurprising that not everyone will like all of them.

I only find it irritating when it’s less a case of I really can’t stand that food, which for most people is more than 1 but only a small handful of foods, and I just want to eat my favourite foods all the time and when eating in a group I expect everyone else to pander to me. This is presuming we’re not talking about under 5s, I have more understanding for them! Of the list of foods your daughter doesn’t like, I can only see tomatoes being a pain. So what if she has her full English without beans or prefers tea to coffee?

Everyone has taste preferences interestingly I absolutely hate the foods your daughter doesn't eat. They are quite unpleasant textures. I eat a very varied diet life is too short to eat food that is not tasty to me🤔

^ This.

For some people, it's the texture (I can't eat ham, for example, because it feels like I'm chewing my own tongue), for others it's the taste. My DD doesn't like fruit, she finds most of it too tart, but can happily eat a whole head of broccoli.