To be exasperated at fussy/picky eaters?

[Iloveabaconbutty]

Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated at "fussy eaters"? I was brought up to eat everything on my plate although as a concession my mum and dad said we were "allowed" not to like one thing - for me as a kid it was cheese I wasn't keen on (which as an adult I've actually grown to love). I also remember my mum's slight irritation - expressed lightheatedly and privately later on - at the schoolfriend who came to tea who didn't like this, didn't like that, was picky about the other, etc. and basically left everything she had prepared on his plate.

I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable.

Except that one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine. Her boyfriend is the same which makes meal planning a bit of a challenge when he comes to stay.

I'm wondering now - having read a bit about it online and elsewhere - if I'm being unreasonable about this and if there are very real issues for some people when it comes to what tastes unpleasant? ie.they really, genuinely cannot help disliking quite a wide range of foods?

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated. We were brought up like this too - and to the extent that I now appreciate a wide variety of food I'm very grateful. But is this so straightforward for some people?

Oh forgot to add, fed up of being labelled fussy! It is what it is!

@Iloveabaconbutty ,Ideal username. You are not wrong and I sympathise with you.

If I had started this topic It would have been titled, "why does everyone have a fucking allergy"?
They want to be the centre of attention, They are too ill mannered to eat a little of the food one has spent time over. Then they trot out the "oh I can't possible eat that because". . .and expect sympathy.
Get a grip on your manners as guests. Just show a little gratitude!
end of rant.

How do you propose I sort out my DD who gags and retches at foods she doesn't like?

Does it matter what other people will and will not eat? If it's going in their mouth not yours then how does it affect you?

We have exactly the same.
My three who ate everything that we gave them whilst growing up.
But now some things apparently they don’t like.
Last night one of my 19yr olds asked why he had sweetcorn when he hates it. He’s happy with the curnals but doesn’t like it when it’s on the cob🤯
My dh is also declaring he doesn’t like certain foods that he’s eaten for years. Moroccan stew with lots of cinnamon was a staple in our house until he no longer liked cinnamon ( buns are ok, though ).

Apologies I have digressed away from the post.

Honestly @Iloveabaconbutty they're adults, just leave them to it. You don't have to cater for them, just throw your kitchen and cupboards open to them and let them cater for themselves - they can bring/buy food for themselves if they don't like what's on offer.

There is no problem here that you need to use you time and energy to fix.

Well no one could force you but equally it's not their job to cater for you.

Crikey, thought it was just me! Totally agree about vinegar and mayo and the biggest rank of all IMO is GARLIC! 🤮🤮🤮 I can't even bear the smell of it and as you can imagine this causes huge problems as it seems to be used in everything these days.☹️

I was raised by my Irish grandparents who only ate extremely plain food. I grew up loving fish, Yorkshire puddings, plain roast meat, most fruit and vegetables. My diet mostly consists of this.

I really can't stomach anything in sauce, mushrooms, smelly cheese and especially blue or goats, pasta of any kind, pizza, (In fact any Italian food ☹️), chilli etc.etc. the list is endless!

We never eat out in this country any more as it is just too stressful for me and, as a pp said, never accept dinner invitations from friends as I would hate to offend anyone. It really is a nightmare being like this and I wish I had been raised on a much more adventurous diet. I'm in my 60s now and have always been this way.

If you physically cannot eat something, you just can't do it. It's not a choice based on fussiness, it's just not possible for you. My eldest is desperate to try 'normal' foods as he is a big lad and just so hungry all the time. He's very aware of what he needs in his diet, and does try things that I make, but simply cannot do it. He has plenty of fruit and veg, probably too many carbs, but no meat or protein alternatives, and gets his protein from nuts, dairy and whey powder shakes.

So you know you are likely to get lots of MNs making suggestions now
( we are pesc, veg and meat ( not in the house though ) plus one not too spiced.
Heres a suggestion - spanicopita ie spinach pie

YABU

My son has autism and can retch at the sight of something as seemingly inoffensive as some toast crumbs on a plate. He can’t eat lunch in the same place as the other kids at school because of the smells, he has to sit somewhere else. He’s been like this since he was 2 and a half. My daughter would pretty much try anything.

It's not really as simple as that I was brought up to eat anything and will eat most things.
DC1 is autistic and has real food aversions which we cater too. Dc2 and Dc3 are chancers with food and would rather eat sweets than dinner so we are stricter on them

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated.

I recognised the word "fuss pot" and it made me smile, my Mum was a child in the war. I was brought up that you should be grateful for the food on your plate. It was drummed into you how lucky you were to have food to eat and if you weren't happy with the food given, you were ungrateful. If you didn't eat what you were given, you went hungry and you'd also better clear your plate. There simply wasn't the money to cater to more than one meal.

I only had bread and jam on coming home when I was in early primary, as I'd had a hot meal at school. Occasionally I had to eat liver and onions which were bitter and nasty but if I hadn't eaten it, I would have been hungry.

For me the word 'fussy' covers two groups. Those who are unable, for whatever diagnosed reason, to eat certain foods and those who choose not to. For the latter, we all have foods we do not like but some do voluntarily take it to the extreme.

As a child I refused to eat tomato soup or pizza and people put it down to me being a fussy eater. I am intolerant to tomato and peppers and suffer stomach cramps, a rash and vomiting if I eat them. Not everyone who refuses to eat certain foods are just fussy.

I am autistic but A sensory seeker. I eat everything. Husband from A country that favours spicy food.

Neither of our kid's will touch anything remotely spicy.

Ironically it is my autistic child that eats more varied foods. also A sensory seeker.

But both have A balanced diet and I'm happy with what they eat overall. .I don't do battles over food. Life's too short.

I know autistic kids with food issues and see how their parents worry and the effort they put in to helping them.

Labelling kids as fussy or picky is not helpful to either kids affected or their parents.

I'll not a massively picky eater but there are some things I cannot eat. One is purely psychological - after many drawn out food battles as a child I cannot eat melon. My throat closes up and I gag. I love the smell but cannot eat it and I've tried.

Coriander on the other hand tastes like the smell of stinky feet. I wish it tasted and smelled like it does to mostly everyone else but it doesn't. Luckily I can mostly pick it out of things.

I also don't eat dairy because I can't digest it. I use to be able to eat a few dairy foods with mild effects but now I can't eat any of it.

Believe me, none of my aversions/restrictions are for fun and I would rather eat like everyone else.

(Also why are hosts on the UK so intractable? Isn't providing things your guests enjoy part of hosting?)

I always post the same thing when this question is asked in a goady post..

Imagine the worst food with the worst taste, that you do not like. Imagine then being forced by your teacher, to swallow this food, usually stone cold, while gagging. Imagine this happening to you for years, day after day.

I was forced to eat food that I didn't like, by my father and my primary school teacher and I was left with a life long aversion to a lot of foods. She stood over me and forced me to eat this food, washing it down with water, gagging, often throwing up afterwards.

I was then punished by my teacher, so if it took me 20 minutes longer than the other kids to eat my lunch then I was kept in for another 20 minutes. This happened day after day after day. I hated primary school, it was torture for me due to the food issue.

I have massive issues with taste and texture and smell. I can't eat anything with mince meat in it. I can't eat any veg or salad apart from peas or carrots. I hate being like this, but there is nothing that I can do to change it.

I don't like nuts, fish, strong meat, offal. I can't help it and I am not like it by choice.

The last thing I need is to be called names, and bullied because I can't eat what everyone else eats. I thought that ended with primary school, so hate it when these threads pop up and everyone starts to belittle those with food issues.

Your approach hinges on a child being hungry enough to overcome any dislikes.

My DD is fussy & very rarely hungry. She will quite happily skip meals (for her, eating is a boring thing which gets in the way of more fun activities). Getting her to eat anything substantial can be quite a battle. If you forced her to stay sitting down until she had cleared her plate she would simply refuse and either try and get down herself, or, if that were not possible, she would sit there all day in a battle of wills. She wouldn't eat.

I've always tried to avoid food becoming a battle ground as I believe that does more harm than good.

I find ableism and judgey people tedious.

I wish I had the time/ mind space to care so much about what other people do.

When I was little we ate what was put in front of us. We didn't have any choice and since we often didn't get enough to eat it wasn't hard to force us.

This eating everything in front of me carried on when I left home. I could then eat whatever I wanted and I hadn't developed the ability to know when I'd had enough because I'd never had enough. Inevitably I ate far to much of many unhealthy things and put on a lot of weight. It took me years to develop a good relationship with food.

I'm in my 60s now. I eat very healthily, my weight and height are in proportion and I'm in very good health but I am a very fussy eater. After years of having to force down things I disliked I now refuse to eat anything unless I'm really enjoying it. I'm not going to eat junk or poorly cooked food or overly large portions just because they are there. I want small amounts of healthy things that I find delicious. Food is a positive pleasure in my life now and I'm not wasting time eating things I don't like.

So it seems there is no guaranteed way to raise a non fussy eater.

Many people who are autistic can not and will not eat certain foods. Or some have sensitivity to textures. My ds started out eating everything, but at 20 months he slowly started refusing one by one a lot of foods. He has an issue with textures so will not eat any fruits (unless its a smoothie). He will litteraly gag when trying to eat it, as we have tried everything - bribing etc to get him to try. We obviosuly stopped now when we saw that he gags when trying certain foods bc of the texture. He at least eats somewhat a variety (rice, pasta, bread, mash (but only at school), all meats, fish, broccoli, tomato sauce, beans in tomato sauce, fruit smoothies, cashew nuts, eggs, all dairy. I also get away with pureeing carrots, green beans, celery into all tomato sauces that go into bolognese, pizza, lassagne etc.

I always wonder how fussy eaters would fare in a famine. If your hated food was the only thing on offer, would you eat it?

I hate sausages and burgers but am sure I would eat them if starving.

If we feel a bit funny about a certain food it can actually be the body's way of telling us that it doesn't agree with us. I have always avoided tomatoes, for example, without really knowing why, and recently found out that since they are members of the nightshade family not everyone gets on with them. Ditto milk - a lot of us can't digest it (but cheese has lost most of its lactose so is OK).

She might be a super taster. I am, and cannot bear certain things you stated like coffee or wine. It's biological thing, more tastebuds than the average person, which impacts how things taste. There is plenty of material online.