To be exasperated at fussy/picky eaters?

[Iloveabaconbutty]

Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated at "fussy eaters"? I was brought up to eat everything on my plate although as a concession my mum and dad said we were "allowed" not to like one thing - for me as a kid it was cheese I wasn't keen on (which as an adult I've actually grown to love). I also remember my mum's slight irritation - expressed lightheatedly and privately later on - at the schoolfriend who came to tea who didn't like this, didn't like that, was picky about the other, etc. and basically left everything she had prepared on his plate.

I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable.

Except that one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine. Her boyfriend is the same which makes meal planning a bit of a challenge when he comes to stay.

I'm wondering now - having read a bit about it online and elsewhere - if I'm being unreasonable about this and if there are very real issues for some people when it comes to what tastes unpleasant? ie.they really, genuinely cannot help disliking quite a wide range of foods?

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated. We were brought up like this too - and to the extent that I now appreciate a wide variety of food I'm very grateful. But is this so straightforward for some people?

Just let them prepare their own meals??

Kids being fussy with food is expected, and as long as ares have had a balanced diet through the week I don’t really care - kids tastes change.

As an adult though, why would anyone eat something they don’t like? That’s not being fussy, it’s just common sense. It’s for the host to find out the guests tastes in advance.

One of my children has autism and will only eat about 5 food items. Forcing her would cause great distress and she also gags at the thought of a lot of things. Dietician told me not to worry what other people thought.

YANBU. Fussy eaters are tedious.

This.

"Everything else I crack on with because most adults should have a varied diet."

Ideally we should all eat seasonally and from the country we live in. The variation is from the food groups, not every food under the sun. Not all people are having a product varied diet, I'm thinking across Africa, Asia, many in the Mediterranean etc and they are some of the healthiest people who rarely need dentistry.

Well, you've already done some research so you know the answer.

Some people are nit picky because they can be. Some people are disguising eating disorders. Some people have sensory issues and cannot cope with certain textures. Some are autistic, derive no particular pleasure from food and would rather starve than deviate from the approved food list.

It must've been horrible, traumatic even, for children with genuine food sensitivities to be forced to gag down foods they can't stomach.

Most people have preferences as a minimum.

My 8yo dd is very fussy and has become underweight at points (we've been to gp and nothing wrong - she is just naturally thin - currently a healthy weight, but thin), so doing the whole "well if you don't eat that, you get nothing" thing would not work with her. She would actually rather starve. The weird thing is that she LOVES good and wants to be a chef. She just likes what she likes and there is fuck all I seem to be able to do about it. Then again I eat anything more or less and am a bit fat! So not sure it's done me many favours.

Loves food*

I'm a 'fussy' eater but so was my gran who was born in 1922. She grew up very poor and had little access to 'nice' foods. She'd still have rather starved than eat the things she didn't like the taste or texture of.

I don't think it's as simple as just being 'fussy'. For example I really like the look of salad, but I can't eat it due to the strong taste - as a PP has also said. I also can't stand coffee, tea, wine, mayo, mushrooms, vinegar, and probably much more. Since having kids I'm struggling to eat fish as I'm sure the taste is much stronger than it used to be. Even fish fingers have me gagging lately.

I do get exasperated with my DD (3) though as she has such a limited range of acceptable foods. My DS (1) will eat anything and I'm hoping it stays that way.

I have two dc with asd and afrid. I've brought them up to try new things and not dismiss foods at first taste. This has helped but isn't a 'cure'. Neither want people to know they have asd and afrid so people will probably assume they are fussy eaters.

I also have a child who vomited multiple times a day for the first 5 years of their life, and sometimes still does. Also has some food intolerances. Has to be partially tube fed. As a teenager doesn't want people to know and apart from immediate family no one knows they have a tube for feeding in their stomach. So people probably think they are fussy but in my eyes they definitely are not, have made big improvements in what they can and will eat but are very restricted. The wider population does not need to know the ins and outs to their medical history.

So I don't ever think someone is fussy because I'm not privy to their full medical history (both physical or psychological).

I fall into the bucket of what you call 'fussy eaters'. It horrible and debilitating. It stops me accepting dinner invitations and even stopped be applying for a job I would have loved because it would have involved a lot of client meals.

It's upsetting to see other pp use terms such as 'tedious'. As I've got older, I've tried more things and I do like more than I did as a child, but I have a very physical reaction to tastes, textures and sometimes smells which don't agree with me. The inside of my mouth tingles like I'm going to vomit and sometimes a I can't physically swallow, even if I try.

I know it's not normal. I'm fortunate my close friends are tolerant. I'd give anything not to be like this.

My Son is the same, his diet is so limited, it's mainly fruit/cheese/bread/crackers/jam. He used to refuse to sit in the same room when others were eating, he has got better with that though, unless it's baked beans or chocolate which he absolutely detests the smell of.

Everyone has certain personal preferences. I think it’s a bit odd if someone genuinely actually likes everything.

Mines texture. So I can’t do beans/peas etc or say mash potatoes it has to be properly rustic or smooth smooth. One lump in smooth and it just sets me off.

However I get the actual fussy thing too. Take my three children.

One will eat meatballs
one will eat spag boll
All will eat lasagna

Now I’ve batched cooked all three of those meals once so it was the same sauce in all, the mince in the spag and lasagna was the exact same mince etc. But yet none of them will eat all three of those meals.

THIS

Yep.

I was the same. I never understood it.
But now I have a child and he will literally rather go hungry then eat something he doesn’t want. We are all different and food can actually cause a lot of anxiety.

What I do know is that my sibling was basically force fed and now has a lifelong adult eating disorder.

Life it short. It’s not a big deal if they don’t eat your dinner.

How much of a battle was it when you refused to take no for a first answer op? My wonderful parents were of a generation where you were expected to clear your plate. I'm convinced it made me more fussy. Food became a source of stress and fear. I would be genuinely scared by new food because I knew I wasn't 'allowed' to not like it and that was a horrible feeling.

They had the best of intentions of course but they did more harm than good and you may have done too.

She may be undiagnosed autistic or have ARFID. Neither will have been known about when she was growing up.

OP you'd probably hate me! I'm allergic to all meats but love most types of dairy (besides a couple of varieties of cheese).
I hate peas, asparagus & halloumi and since veganism became all the rage and restaurants just whack a vegan dish on their menus to cover both vegans AND vegetarians (specifically vegan food such as pea protein and 'cheeze' is RANK) there is very, very rarely anything I can eat in a restaurant.

It's hardly my fault!!!!

I'm a fairly unfussy eater (vegetarian). I'll try most things and am generally easy to cook for. But there are a few still things I definitely don't like. I see this as normal, and your daughter's list doesn't sound outrageous to me. Everybody has specific tastes.

I also know quite a few people with very limited food choices - autism related in most cases. Again, I don't think this is something to get in a fuss about - it's pretty easy to accommodate when necessary. Other people's food preferences have nearly no impact on my life - I really don't see the problem here.

It is 100% more complicated in some cases and also it can be the fault of the parents. DD is a bit of a fussy eater and I am embarrassed to say that I think it's our fault, or at least largely our fault. We were in a very different place when we were weaning her (vs DS) and she didn't get the variety of flavours and textures he did. And then for years, again, it was just easier to let her be fussy because at least her "fussiness" didn't mean she lived on chicken nuggets and white bread - she has a fairly balanced diet, just very boring and quite repetitive.

Undoing that is taking a great deal of effort and I suspect it will be a lengthy process.

On the other hand, her BF is also a bit fussy but I'm fairly certain that there is something else going on there and it's something her mum is working on.

There are so many reasons people can't eat certain foods. I was always 'fussy' and would be given the same meal over and over, day after day until I ate it and usually vomited. For some foods it is taste , some it is texture. Some foods I don't mind the taste but can't stand the texture so I will eat foods with them in and sit and pick them out or strain it, such as onions, asparagus. Cannot eat anything from the sea, or red meat as it is too strong in iron ( despite me being anaemic most of the time). I then go through stages of being able to eat something and eating little other foods then I can't eat that food for months or years without vomiting. Currently cannot eat chicken that I have cooked in the house as the smell makes me sick and then I can't stand the texture. It is incredibly complex and drives my husband insane. I crave a healthy diet where I can eat anything and have a balanced diet but it is physically impossible for me.
My eldest is also extremely restricted in his diet and is borderline ARFID. so as a rule food is not overly discussed beyond what do people want to eat tonight. I would also never force any of my kids to eat something as that is a massive root of my issues with food. We learn from our parents mistakes. Alternatively there are foods I can eat now that I wouldn't go near as a child I couldn't stand any form of spice or things like cauliflower or broccoli whilst now I can usually eat them.

I have two children, my first will eat absolutely anything and is very healthy. It’s a pleasure to fill her lunchbox. My second is extremely fussy and won’t eat any fruit or vegetables. Believe me I’ve tried. I feel embarrassed at the thought of my one looking in his lunchbox 🙈. He stopped breastfeeding at 8 months old and wouldn’t have formula, cows milk or milk of any description! I had to get the health visitor involved. He’s so stubborn too as he went for two whole days of refusing to eat. It’s a nightmare and I’m constantly worried for his health.

I think there’s a difference between preferences which we all have and pick eaters.
Im fine with people not liking certain things bananas/mushrooms/baked beans whatever but when it extends to things like I don’t like any vegetables or any fruit etc then I just think parent your damn self. You’re not 3. You must be able to find one single vegetable or piece or fruit that you can eat

YANBU to feel exasperated by it, you can feel however you like. I sometimes get similar thoughts about picky adults and how they come across as quite childish and self-centred. But rationally I know it's fine not to like certain things and that's okay! Nobody should be made to eat something that they would really hate eating. I wouldn't like to eat an oyster nowadays and I'm sure for some people a mushroom is just as repulsive an idea.

I do happily cater for fussy eaters when I host dinner though, it's no different to me than catering for someone who is gluten free for example. My best friend is vegan and for a while during breastfeeding was also soy-free, garlic, ginger and something else-free. I still managed to make an amazing Christmas dinner for us all!

I've literally never met anyone who will 'only eat their favourite foods'? Is this the newest way we bash and judge people who don't like the exact same foods you like?