Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be exasperated at fussy/picky eaters?

403 replies

Iloveabaconbutty · 09/05/2023 11:37

Am I being unreasonable to be exasperated at "fussy eaters"? I was brought up to eat everything on my plate although as a concession my mum and dad said we were "allowed" not to like one thing - for me as a kid it was cheese I wasn't keen on (which as an adult I've actually grown to love). I also remember my mum's slight irritation - expressed lightheatedly and privately later on - at the schoolfriend who came to tea who didn't like this, didn't like that, was picky about the other, etc. and basically left everything she had prepared on his plate.

I enjoy eating pretty much everything and we've tried to encourage out kids to be unfussy eaters too, encouraging them to "try it", when they were younger, instead of getting away with saying "no" in the first instance and finding that that was acceptable.

Except that one of our daughters, now a young adult, has quite a list of things she doesn't like and won't eat - bananas, baked beans, tomatoes, porridge, just for starters. There are a lot more things as well, with particularly strong tastes or particular textures. She's also very hesitant to try anything new or different and dislikes coffee and wine. Her boyfriend is the same which makes meal planning a bit of a challenge when he comes to stay.

I'm wondering now - having read a bit about it online and elsewhere - if I'm being unreasonable about this and if there are very real issues for some people when it comes to what tastes unpleasant? ie.they really, genuinely cannot help disliking quite a wide range of foods?

I realise that my parents were brought up in the post-war years, with rationing etc and to be a "fuss-pot" about food wouldn't have been appreciated. We were brought up like this too - and to the extent that I now appreciate a wide variety of food I'm very grateful. But is this so straightforward for some people?

OP posts:
AllTheChaos · 14/05/2023 02:42

Food can be one of life’s great joys, so why turn it into a chore or a battle ground? I’m ‘fussy’ as I won’t eat things I actively dislike. It makes me gag to even try. My parents tried the ‘if you are hungry you will eventually eat what we give you’ route when I was a child, but after a few days would always give in as I could not bring myself to eat what I was being given, and hunger was preferable. What I learned from that was that (a) after about 4/5 days of not eating, the hunger goes away; (b) a glass of orange juice is great to keep your blood sugar up and prevent fainting; and (c) the rehydration sachets you get for hot weather are brilliant as they mean you can go about 10 days without eating before getting too wobbly to continue. Those things all really helped with the eating disorder I developed in my teens. Unsurprisingly I still struggle with disordered eating now, many decades later.

Barney60 · 14/05/2023 10:28

One of my earliest memories is of my dad home from sea, he only came home every six months, siblings and i all around the table eating Christmas dinner. I was 2-3 years old.
I remember i ate everything except my turkey.
Dad said i could not be excused from the table until id cleared my plate.
I sat there for four hours, was only let down as i needed the toilet.
He said i could not waste food so had to eat the turkey for my tea, so while the others had trifle ect i sat again with the slices of turkey. I didnt eat it, he then said i would have it for breakfast.
I ate it and was sick, ive never touched any meat since. This was very difficult growing up in the 60s and 70s, vegetarians were unheard of back then.
Childrens taste buds develop at different rates, let them try if they dont like it go back to it a few weeks later.
Please dont do what my dad did.

Farmerama1 · 14/05/2023 10:50

@Barney60 :(

I’m not a fussy eater but sympathetic to people who cannot eat a wide range of foods. If budget or shortages in the shops limits what you can buy, getting your (or your loved one’s) nutritional needs met must be a worry.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 15/05/2023 12:39

’Don’t like’ wont kill you - if someone has taken the trouble to make you something, you don’t get to be picky. Different if making your own or eating out, but I find picky eaters quite childish. YANBU to find it annoying, yes I’m judging!

TheMoops · 15/05/2023 12:58

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 15/05/2023 12:39

’Don’t like’ wont kill you - if someone has taken the trouble to make you something, you don’t get to be picky. Different if making your own or eating out, but I find picky eaters quite childish. YANBU to find it annoying, yes I’m judging!

Maybe try reading the full thread before making comments like this ........

Kolakalia · 15/05/2023 13:26

Barney60 · 14/05/2023 10:28

One of my earliest memories is of my dad home from sea, he only came home every six months, siblings and i all around the table eating Christmas dinner. I was 2-3 years old.
I remember i ate everything except my turkey.
Dad said i could not be excused from the table until id cleared my plate.
I sat there for four hours, was only let down as i needed the toilet.
He said i could not waste food so had to eat the turkey for my tea, so while the others had trifle ect i sat again with the slices of turkey. I didnt eat it, he then said i would have it for breakfast.
I ate it and was sick, ive never touched any meat since. This was very difficult growing up in the 60s and 70s, vegetarians were unheard of back then.
Childrens taste buds develop at different rates, let them try if they dont like it go back to it a few weeks later.
Please dont do what my dad did.

That is abuse. I'm so sorry this happened to you. How awful. You poor thing!

Kolakalia · 15/05/2023 13:28

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 15/05/2023 12:39

’Don’t like’ wont kill you - if someone has taken the trouble to make you something, you don’t get to be picky. Different if making your own or eating out, but I find picky eaters quite childish. YANBU to find it annoying, yes I’m judging!

Eh, if I've cooked a meal for a guest I'd hope that beforehand they'd let me know if there's anything they don't/can't eat. I always ask people's dietary preferences and anything they actively avoid before I plan the menu. But if I didn't and someone really didn't like what was on the plate it wouldn't bother me if they left it. I'm not precious enough to think I've spent time cooking so they absolutely must eat it. Eat it, don't eat it, whatever. It's the time spent and conversation that is important it's terribly rude hosting to make guests feel pressured to eat things. Bad manners on your part.

petmad · 15/05/2023 15:01

Young adult im assuming over 18 she can cook for herself and her fella youre not her chief cook and bottle washer. leave her to it

Ilovecleaning · 15/05/2023 15:47

TheMoops · 15/05/2023 12:58

Maybe try reading the full thread before making comments like this ........

But, TheMoops, the title is ‘fussy/picky eaters’ not allergies and food disorders. Fussy and picky, to me, means spoiled mard arses 🤣

Ilovecleaning · 15/05/2023 15:49

Barney60 · 14/05/2023 10:28

One of my earliest memories is of my dad home from sea, he only came home every six months, siblings and i all around the table eating Christmas dinner. I was 2-3 years old.
I remember i ate everything except my turkey.
Dad said i could not be excused from the table until id cleared my plate.
I sat there for four hours, was only let down as i needed the toilet.
He said i could not waste food so had to eat the turkey for my tea, so while the others had trifle ect i sat again with the slices of turkey. I didnt eat it, he then said i would have it for breakfast.
I ate it and was sick, ive never touched any meat since. This was very difficult growing up in the 60s and 70s, vegetarians were unheard of back then.
Childrens taste buds develop at different rates, let them try if they dont like it go back to it a few weeks later.
Please dont do what my dad did.

That is horrible and I am sorry you suffered like that at the hands of someone who is supposed to love you. 🌺

TheMoops · 15/05/2023 16:28

But, TheMoops, the title is ‘fussy/picky eaters’ not allergies and food disorders. Fussy and picky, to me, means spoiled mard arses

But how can you tell the difference? People with eating disorders don't wear badges or have it tattooed on their forehead......most will go to extreme lengths to hide it so they don't draw attention to it. They usually just come across as being a bit fussy.

Just let people eat what they like without judgement or referring to them as childish.

Kanaloa · 16/05/2023 09:22

Ilovecleaning · 15/05/2023 15:47

But, TheMoops, the title is ‘fussy/picky eaters’ not allergies and food disorders. Fussy and picky, to me, means spoiled mard arses 🤣

Literally why? Why is it spoiled to eat things you like rather than things you dislike? Do you not buy things you like when you go food shopping? Or do you just close your eyes and grab anything from the shelves so as not to be a ‘spoiled mard arse?’

I do think it’s funny how often ‘fussy’ children grow up to realise actually they were just labelled fussy by parents who bought and cooked all the food to their own specific tastes which happened to be different than the child’s tastes.

Kanaloa · 16/05/2023 09:23

I mean surely life is too short to choke down wine and bananas if you want to drink a Coke and eat apples. What difference does it make to anybody ever?

CharlottenBerg · 16/05/2023 09:41

Kanaloa · 16/05/2023 09:23

I mean surely life is too short to choke down wine and bananas if you want to drink a Coke and eat apples. What difference does it make to anybody ever?

Conversely, life is too short to choke down tinned baked beans on Mothers Pride toast and Tizer if what you want is an omelette with asparagus tips and a nice Primitivo di Puglia. To each their own.

maddening · 16/05/2023 09:42

Not your mouth or digestive system none of your business.

Kanaloa · 16/05/2023 09:45

CharlottenBerg · 16/05/2023 09:41

Conversely, life is too short to choke down tinned baked beans on Mothers Pride toast and Tizer if what you want is an omelette with asparagus tips and a nice Primitivo di Puglia. To each their own.

That’s not conversely, we’re in agreement. I was pointing out that nobody should eat what they don’t want if they could just eat what they do want. OP is annoyed her daughter doesn’t like wine or porridge but maybe she wants a cup of tea and a bowl of weetabix. Who cares? Why would it even bother you that someone wants to eat what they like?

TheMoops · 16/05/2023 10:47

Conversely, life is too short to choke down tinned baked beans on Mothers Pride toast and Tizer if what you want is an omelette with asparagus tips and a nice Primitivo di Puglia. To each their own.

Isn't that the very point people are making?

CharlottenBerg · 16/05/2023 11:01

TheMoops · 16/05/2023 10:47

Conversely, life is too short to choke down tinned baked beans on Mothers Pride toast and Tizer if what you want is an omelette with asparagus tips and a nice Primitivo di Puglia. To each their own.

Isn't that the very point people are making?

@Kanaloa and @TheMoops - Yes, I should have typed 'likewise' and not 'conversely'. Blame it on the Primitivo. Actually M&S Notte Rossa Primitivo di Manduria is our absolute favourite Saturday-night-in-front-of-a-film tipple, and an absolute bargain at the price. In truth, we drink 2 bottles a week, shared between two of us.

CharlottenBerg · 16/05/2023 11:02

One bottle of £6 Tesco Tempranillo on Fridays, and one of Notte Rossa in Saturdays.

thekindlyone · 16/05/2023 22:14

Ilovecleaning · 15/05/2023 15:47

But, TheMoops, the title is ‘fussy/picky eaters’ not allergies and food disorders. Fussy and picky, to me, means spoiled mard arses 🤣

How do you know whether someone has an allergy or a food disorder before you call them a spoiled mardy arsenal?

Sparklfairy · 17/05/2023 09:12

Kanaloa · 16/05/2023 09:22

Literally why? Why is it spoiled to eat things you like rather than things you dislike? Do you not buy things you like when you go food shopping? Or do you just close your eyes and grab anything from the shelves so as not to be a ‘spoiled mard arse?’

I do think it’s funny how often ‘fussy’ children grow up to realise actually they were just labelled fussy by parents who bought and cooked all the food to their own specific tastes which happened to be different than the child’s tastes.

Buying for yourself/if you do the cooking, then buy what you like. But when this 'favourite foods' entitlement of my definition/experience of 'fussy' impacts meals with other people, it's not fair on them. Making people fit in with you purely because of preference isn't on. Day-to-day it makes no difference either way, but I'm thinking when I would go out for a meal with my sister - who is a difficult character in every way you can imagine - and she would refuse restaurants because the exact thing she fancied at that exact moment wasn't on the menu. Like, I'm here too you know? What about if the exact thing I fancy isn't on the menu you want? The more easy going among us end up losing out always pandering to the demands of the entitled.

If you just 'don't really like' something than a genuine 'dislike' there's room for compromise when eating out/having a wider family meal etc, but often 'fussy' people don't allow it.

I totally agree with your last paragraph though. My DM brought us up alone so no other parent to influence diet, and bragged to everyone about how I was so 'good' and ate everything she gave me without being fussy. It wasn't until my 20s that I realised there was a whole world of food out there that I had never tried. Also remember that if DM went off a dish or just got a bit tired of it, we stopped having it even if it was a favourite among us kids. She always just thinks it's a given that she eats exactly what she wants, and everyone else just has to fit in.

Kanaloa · 17/05/2023 10:16

@Sparklfairy

Well yes, if someone is being pushy and expecting others to only ever go where they want then that’s rude. But in the op’s case it’s somebody not drinking wine or eating beans. How could it possibly impact you if your ‘fussy’ daughter had eggs on toast and a coke rather than baked beans and a bottle of red wine?

Sparklfairy · 17/05/2023 10:22

Kanaloa · 17/05/2023 10:16

@Sparklfairy

Well yes, if someone is being pushy and expecting others to only ever go where they want then that’s rude. But in the op’s case it’s somebody not drinking wine or eating beans. How could it possibly impact you if your ‘fussy’ daughter had eggs on toast and a coke rather than baked beans and a bottle of red wine?

Tbf I was answering you, not the OP, and the thread has come a long way since she posted the OP and your post was different to that! Smile

I get the impression that OP thinks her DD 'doesn't like' certain things now because of the BF's influence, rather than a genuine dislike. Personally I wouldn't be bothered, maybe a bit surprised and on the look out for what else he's influencing. But that isn't what she asked and isn't the direction the thread has gone.

Kanaloa · 17/05/2023 11:06

I mean I think it’s fairly unlikely her boyfriend has influenced her to dislike porridge!

Either way, refusing to attend restaurants as they don’t have a certain dish is quite a jump from liking and disliking certain foods. They’re not necessarily linked.

Wigglewigglewitch · 28/06/2023 23:31

I will eat anything and everything, apart from offal, which features in very few menus. My children are ND and have about 10 meals each they will eat. I have always cooked them a wide range and encouraged them to try new things but they are who they are. I don’t know why people like me who are basically human dustbins, have to wear it as a badge of pride 🤣