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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

418 replies

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

OP posts:
Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:43

Will she be going to nursery?

Will the 19 year old have a support network to call on?

BloodyInternetWeirdos · 08/05/2023 08:44

A week is a very long time.
Has your DC ever slept away from you for a few night?

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 08/05/2023 08:44

shes an adult, and she knows the child well, and the child knows her.

If you’re all happy with it then I would, but I would want there to be a back up plan just in case ie would her Mum help if toddler was suddenly unwell?

Many 19 year olds have children of their own, after all, but I would want to make sure she had support.

Climbles · 08/05/2023 08:45

No, toddlers are absolutely relentless. She has no idea what she’s signing up for.

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:45

My gut is… hell no

But there will be posters come along who had four children, brought a house and climbed Everest by 19 so 🤷‍♀️

Nordicrain · 08/05/2023 08:45

It depends on your DN. If she has experience with kids, how responsible she is etc. Does she have anyone she could go to for support and help? Would your toddler be in childcare during the week?
But, generally, I wouldn't think that most 19 year olds at uni would be able to cope with a toddler 24/7 for a whole week on their own.

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:45

How “super involved” can she have been if she’s at university?

hoeaboutit · 08/05/2023 08:45

It all depends on the 19 year old in my opinion, only you know how responsible she is. But 19 year olds can work in nurseries and be professionally responsible for others’ children. They can also be mothers themselves. So I wouldn’t say it’s unreasonable, no.
However, I would say, even if she’s babysat before, even if she loves spending time with your baby, a week is a very long time to be solely responsible for a toddler. She may not truly realise what she’s signing up for. I’d arrange some full weekends of babysitting in the near future and ask again if she’s happy to do a full week.

Nordicrain · 08/05/2023 08:46

And btw I think it's entirely pointless to point out many 19 yos have their own kids. That's an entirely different situations. Some 14 yos have their own kids, that doesn't mean they would be ideal childcare in this situation.

Original poster
MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:46

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:43

Will she be going to nursery?

Will the 19 year old have a support network to call on?

Yes she will have a support network, my sister lives about 5 minutes away and my mother lives about 8 minutes away.

She will be going to nursery which is only a short walk from our house.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 08/05/2023 08:46

she is old enough to be the childs mother. Why are you hesitating?

Hesma · 08/05/2023 08:47

She’s an adult so no reason why not but I’d worry she might get be a bit naive and not fully understand what she’s letting herself in for, toddlers can be hard work (no disrespect to your DD). Is there family close by if she needs some support? Can you do a practice run in advance?

Guiltridden12345 · 08/05/2023 08:47

Climbles · 08/05/2023 08:45

No, toddlers are absolutely relentless. She has no idea what she’s signing up for.

This. I had my friend’s kids in my 20s for 2 nights when she had a section for her third. I was beside myself by the end. As a non parent you have literally no idea and babysitting is nothing compared to proper care. I wouldn’t, a week is too long.

Original poster
MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:47

BloodyInternetWeirdos · 08/05/2023 08:44

A week is a very long time.
Has your DC ever slept away from you for a few night?

The longest we have been away from DC is 4 nights and she was absolutely fine

OP posts:
Iminthemoneylife · 08/05/2023 08:47

A week is a long time to leave a toddler.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 08/05/2023 08:49

I think you're going to get lots of responses saying no way (which is kinda my initial reaction but i have no 19 yo to use as a point of reference) but 19 yo is an adult and many do have kids of their own at that age. Only you actually know your niece and if she would be capable or not. If she has been very involved and you know she is mature and responsible and everyone is comfortable with the arrangement then why not i suppose. Maybe have her spend a weekend at yours and let her see all that's involved.

Original poster
MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:49

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 08:45

How “super involved” can she have been if she’s at university?

She lives at home still and commutes to university. She has babysat her many times overnight and has had her in the daytime.

OP posts:
Regholdsworthswaterbed · 08/05/2023 08:49

It really depends on the 19 year old and whether she's used to taking care of children. Some 19 year olds are mothers themselves or have grown up around children and done lots of childcare so if this is the case it's fine.

Sissynova · 08/05/2023 08:50

Nordicrain · 08/05/2023 08:46

And btw I think it's entirely pointless to point out many 19 yos have their own kids. That's an entirely different situations. Some 14 yos have their own kids, that doesn't mean they would be ideal childcare in this situation.

So bizarre isn’t it?? I don’t know anyone who thinks it is a sensible idea to get pregnant at 16/17. So just because someone technically could have is irrelevant.

A very tiny percentage of 19 year olds will have a 2 year old. It’s hardly the benchmark of a good babysitter.

Gtsr443 · 08/05/2023 08:50

Will you feel confident enough about leaving her with your niece so you can enjoy your honeymoon or will you just fret all the time you're away?

FrancescaContini · 08/05/2023 08:50

You’re kidding? No way

MooseBreath · 08/05/2023 08:51

I did this for my cousin when I was 19! As long as there is a support network available, I think it is absolutely fine.

Lcb123 · 08/05/2023 08:51

Sounds fine to me, if there’s back up options. She could have her own children

junebirthdaygirl · 08/05/2023 08:51

It will be fine. The day will be broken up with nursery, then she can pop down to her mom, go to the park etc and it will be bedtime. They will have their own little routine.
I would say no friends allowed if you feel she is the kind to do that.

EV4ME · 08/05/2023 08:51

I don't know why you're asking strangers on the Internet, she sounds perfectly capable. Go have fun.