Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

418 replies

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

OP posts:
ArbitraryHaddock · 08/05/2023 09:20

00100001 · 08/05/2023 08:53

I wouldn't bother with a honeymoon if it meant leaving a 2 yo behind for an entire week.

This. Why would you?

Mummyboy1 · 08/05/2023 09:21

It all sounds fine. Little one will be going to nursery for some of it, your DN have people close by if she needs help. I was looking after 3 children for my job at 19, from 7.30am to 6pm. Absolutely fine enjoy your honeymoon.

barelyfunctional · 08/05/2023 09:23

RocketIceLollie · 08/05/2023 09:05

It's no different to a 19 year old first time mum. It helps that DD is familiar with her.

Of course it’s different. You don’t give birth to a two year old, and looking after someone else’s child is a while different thing to looking after your own. I have two kids and still wouldn’t want to look after someone else’s toddler for a week. She’ll be missing her parents, so will probably be quite clingy and get upset easily for a start. And while the 19 year old is used to spending some time with her she’s not used to doing the whole daily routine and nights. Then getting up and doing it all again, for a week!

GCAcademic · 08/05/2023 09:23

But 19 year olds can work in nurseries and be professionally responsible for others’ children. They can also be mothers themselves.

And, yet, if you go onto the Higher Education board on this forum, it's full of parents saying 19 is still a child, their brains don't mature until they're 25, and they must have their hands held constantly and not be expected to take responsibility for anything.

SprinkleRainbow · 08/05/2023 09:23

When Dsis got married, I had my nephew (18 months at the time) for a week and it was fine. (I was 18)
But I had lived with them since he was a newborn so I knew his routine etc.
I also looked after my other nephew (3 at the time) who lived 3 hours away when I was 17 for 3 nights and it was also fine.
The only question is do you trust her? Non of us on here know her or the relationship she has between you and your child. If your comfortable with it, then go for it.

Time4achangeagain · 08/05/2023 09:24

I think a week is too long to leave a 2 year old

MidsummerNightsDream · 08/05/2023 09:24

I would if I knew the mum and sister would pop in regularly.

SpringBunnies · 08/05/2023 09:25

You know your niece best. And your sister is nearby so should be no problem. As others already pointed out. Many nursery workers are only 19 and they can be adult parents already.

CheersForThatEh · 08/05/2023 09:27

No. Your niece should be someone fun to your child, she wont be expecting tantrums and being the bad guy.

Why cant your mum and sister do some of it.

Hadituptoere · 08/05/2023 09:27

It’s far too much responsibility to put on DN. I wouldn’t and couldn’t leave my 2yo for a week with someone else, it’s not fair on either of them.

It wouldn’t be my kind of holiday worrying about my child at home in the care of a 19yo either.

Dotcheck · 08/05/2023 09:28

FrancescaContini · 08/05/2023 08:50

You’re kidding? No way

Why?
She’s 19, is involved in the child’s life already- has her mum and grandmother close by. What on earth is the problem?

Peppermint81 · 08/05/2023 09:29

Baffled as to how you could want to leave your 2 year old for 2 weeks! Especially with a teenager. A family holiday maybe??

thismumrocks · 08/05/2023 09:31

How about taking your child and niece on honeymoon with you, that way you can spend time with them, and have baby sitters in the night and day but still be on hand if your child needs you. A week is a long time to leave a 2 year old

Rupiduti · 08/05/2023 09:32

I think this is absolutely fine. I was nannying alongside my studies at this age including overnights when the parents travelled. It's a really good little money earner for a 19yr old for her to spend on socialising for the rest of the summer. People are making out that you're asking her to adopt the child.

I'd have been more than capable of this from about 16/17 and at 19 she is an adult.

Onelifeonly · 08/05/2023 09:32

You're obviously not sure yourself, or you wouldn't be posting. My dd is a bit younger than your niece and works in nurseries. She is fantastic with young children and has had great feedback from her tutors at college. She'd be fine for a bit of babysitting but absolutely couldn't do 24/7 for a week.

Liking children, even working full time with them, is nothing like being in charge for days on end. If you ho ahead, make sure your sister and mum actually have the time to step in or takeover if needed.

Poetnojo · 08/05/2023 09:33

I would have no issue at all with what you have described. I had my own 2 year old at 19.

Tempone · 08/05/2023 09:33

So much martyrdom and sly digs at op because she is going on holidays.

If your dd is happy with her op and you trust dn then you go and enjoy yourself, there are three capable adults around to mind one 2 year old.

Rupiduti · 08/05/2023 09:33

Peppermint81 · 08/05/2023 09:29

Baffled as to how you could want to leave your 2 year old for 2 weeks! Especially with a teenager. A family holiday maybe??

It's a week, don't exaggerate!

NeedCoffeeNowPlease · 08/05/2023 09:34

At 19 I had my own toddler and would have been fine watching anyone else's if I hadn't had one of my own. Depends on the 19 year old. I'd be taking my two year old on honeymoon with me though. I wouldn't leave her for that long. One of those things when you have a baby before the honeymoon. I don't mean that judgmentally, just the reality of having children before all these traditionally childless things.

Mabelface · 08/05/2023 09:34

Sounds like your dd will be surrounded by the extended family as well as your niece looking after her. She'll be spoilt rotten and have a wonderful time.

adulthumanfemalemum · 08/05/2023 09:35

I could have done this at 19, I was working as a nanny at that age.

Having said that I couldn't have left my 2 year old for that long.

CheersForThatEh · 08/05/2023 09:35

There is a world of difference between an adult in a paid setting with other adults working together and doing planned activities and a set clocking off time and doing a full week if non-stop routine with sole responsibility for a 2 year old.

She doesnt fully appreciate what she is signing up for and deep down you know that. Especially if there are weekends involved where she needs to occupy your 2yo all day from sun up to sun down.

imadeitnice · 08/05/2023 09:35

SprinkleRainbow · 08/05/2023 09:23

When Dsis got married, I had my nephew (18 months at the time) for a week and it was fine. (I was 18)
But I had lived with them since he was a newborn so I knew his routine etc.
I also looked after my other nephew (3 at the time) who lived 3 hours away when I was 17 for 3 nights and it was also fine.
The only question is do you trust her? Non of us on here know her or the relationship she has between you and your child. If your comfortable with it, then go for it.

Very similar situation for me. When I was 18 I looked after my 18 month old niece for a week whilst my sister was on honeymoon.
I had spent lots of time with her since birth and that week is a very happy memory for me. Niece of course doesn't remember it however we're very close, she's 27 now.

queenofthebongo · 08/05/2023 09:35

I did this for my sister several times. Longest was 4 days I think, maybe 5. I was 19 or 20 and said child was 3. I loved that child with every fibre of my being. It was so much fun. Think I had the dog as well.

For you it depends on the relationship between the child and the adult in charge. I spent every weekend I could helping out and taking her places. I had a great relationship with the toddler and was trusted.

rileynexttime · 08/05/2023 09:36

Sounds fine .Have a lovely honeymoon ❤

Swipe left for the next trending thread