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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

418 replies

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

OP posts:
Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 13:24

Pinkydamage · 08/05/2023 13:19

How long is the honeymoon? People seem to have assumed a week, but I can't see OP has said that?

No one has assumed anything

thread title

PrincessScarlett · 08/05/2023 13:27

Sounds like your toddler and DN have a lovely relationship. Only you know how responsible your DN is but at the end of the day she's an adult with experience of looking after young children.

My DS is in her 40s and there's no way she'd be able to cope with a toddler for the week. It all depends on the individual.

Pinkydamage · 08/05/2023 13:29

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 13:24

No one has assumed anything

thread title

Show quote history

Oh Yes 😆 I even went back and re read the OP to check!

Hankunamatata · 08/05/2023 13:29

Tbh my gut is no but as long as your sister can step in and check up then perhaps ok

Brieandcamembert · 08/05/2023 13:29

Honestly. How heartbreaking that you want to leave your tiny toddler for a week.

LateAF · 08/05/2023 13:32

Go for it.

A week looking after a two year old is a great form of contraception education for a teenage woman 😅

Anyway your niece sounds responsible, she’s keen and there is help at hand if she’s struggling. It will be fine.

Brieandcamembert · 08/05/2023 13:32

Take the child with u, once u have a child they come first.

Absolutely this. The poor 2 year old would have no idea why they had been left behind.

BananaPalm · 08/05/2023 13:36

For an entire week? Hell no. I think this level of responsibility is unfair on an 19yo. Not to mention on your DD. Can't you leave her with your mum and have the niece help?

MrNorrell · 08/05/2023 13:38

When my sister and I were 17, my aunt left our 2 year old cousin with us for about that length of time while she and our parents went to a funeral abroad during summer holidays.

It was fine. My little cousin seemed to enjoy it and was perfectly safe and provided for throughout. Looking after children is hard work but it's not usually too complicated, and a 19 year old who's already familiar with your DC should be capable. If she hates it, she'll learn to say no next time.

MollyRover · 08/05/2023 13:40

She knows your DC and their routine, has looked after them overnight before, has your Mum and Sis for backup and DC will be in nursery some of the time too.

Agree with the martyr comments. Nothing to see here, go and have a lovely time. I wish I was so lucky!

Dotcheck · 08/05/2023 13:47

Brieandcamembert · 08/05/2023 13:29

Honestly. How heartbreaking that you want to leave your tiny toddler for a week.

🙄

ChrisTrepidation · 08/05/2023 13:54

A week is too long to leave a 2 year old alone with anyone. I honestly don't know how you can even want to leave her for that long. Take her with you.

Sorry but you don't get to indulge in week long honeymoons when you have a tiny child to look after.

ChrisTrepidation · 08/05/2023 13:56

@Dotcheck Why the eye rolling at @Brieandcamembert ?? They are right. Leaving your 2 year old for a week for anything less than an emergency is awful parenting.

Okunevo · 08/05/2023 14:01

I wouldn't be concerned about the babysitter being 19 if she is experienced in caring for the child. I have one sibling I would have left a child with at 16 and another where I would have had concerns until 30.

However, a week is a long time for a two year old, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a two or three year old for more than three nights.

I8toys · 08/05/2023 14:03

Absolutely no way. Overnight fine but a week. Nope.

VestaTilley · 08/05/2023 14:07

YABU. Far too long away and DNiece is far too young.

berksandbeyond · 08/05/2023 14:10

ChrisTrepidation · 08/05/2023 13:56

@Dotcheck Why the eye rolling at @Brieandcamembert ?? They are right. Leaving your 2 year old for a week for anything less than an emergency is awful parenting.

I agree but you’ll get a lot of people calling you a martyr. I think a child free honeymoon/ adults only holiday is just something you accept you’ll have to give up when you choose to have children (especially before marriage)

Dotcheck · 08/05/2023 14:11

It really really isn’t awful parenting. The child will be left with her family- who know her and love her.
To me, this just feels like the loveliest part of growing up close to extended family.
The child will be loved and cared for. She will be in a familiar setting and be going to nursery as normal. It is ok for kids to form close bonds with other people who love them.
Kids have been left in the care of trusted relatives forever- it isn’t bad parenting

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 08/05/2023 15:43

Agree that your DD will be fine being looked after by your niece and extended family for a week (if perhaps a little spoiled by them!)
Although a week is quite a long time for anyone to have sole charge/care of a toddler, so it's good to hear that she'll be going to nursery on some of the days. Could you arrange for your mum or sister to have her for one day, or one evening, just to give your niece a short break partway through the week?
And presumably you've checked in with them about providing back-up in case of any emergency (eg if your DD falls ill/ can't go to nursery/ needs to go to A&E, or if something unexpectedly befalls your niece)?
As well as paying her, how would you feel about funding her to attend a (one-day) paediatric first aid course before your honeymoon? (Just so she feels even more prepared/ confident to handle situations, eg your child choking on something. As a bonus, being a qualified first aider looks good on a CV).

Napoleonsjosephine · 08/05/2023 15:45

No way, and you’re a family, your kid isn’t some hindrance, grow up. Take her with you.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 08/05/2023 15:49

One night yes, not a week. Its too much. Too many things can go wrong in a week. ID not leave my child for a whole week with her.

Delatron · 08/05/2023 15:55

Good lord all the martyrs are out in force today. More fool them… Never being able to leave their child with a family member for a short holiday/break.. It’s not heartbreaking FFS. Toddler appears to have a close relationship with the niece. If she’s had her overnight and looks after her regularly she knows what she’s getting in to.

Absolutely no issue leaving a 2 year old for that long with a family member. So ignore that nonsense. However, it is hard work and you don’t get a break. Is it possible another family member? Your Mum? Could sub in for a bit?

Napoleonsjosephine · 08/05/2023 15:55

And why would you wish to. She’s your child, you’re a family. She’s not some chore to bin off.

Napoleonsjosephine · 08/05/2023 15:57

Delatron · 08/05/2023 15:55

Good lord all the martyrs are out in force today. More fool them… Never being able to leave their child with a family member for a short holiday/break.. It’s not heartbreaking FFS. Toddler appears to have a close relationship with the niece. If she’s had her overnight and looks after her regularly she knows what she’s getting in to.

Absolutely no issue leaving a 2 year old for that long with a family member. So ignore that nonsense. However, it is hard work and you don’t get a break. Is it possible another family member? Your Mum? Could sub in for a bit?

Really, you consider looking after your own and taking them with you, being a martyr, did you really mean to write that? Why did you have them if caring for them and behaving like a family is why you consider martyrdom?

Delatron · 08/05/2023 15:58

Napoleonsjosephine · 08/05/2023 15:55

And why would you wish to. She’s your child, you’re a family. She’s not some chore to bin off.

Adults are allowed to have child free holidays. You don’t need to chain yourself to your kids. As a consequence they also develop a wonderful, close relationship with their grandparents or other family members. As a parent you don’t need to be chained to your child 24 hours a day.