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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler with 19yr niece for a week

418 replies

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:42

Myself and DH are getting married in August and we have been looking at sorting out our honeymoon. We have planned to not take DD (2yo) with us and my niece has kindly offered to look house sit and look after her whilst we are away. She will be back from university and I said we would pay her for looking after DD. She has been super involved with her since she was a newborn and has babysat her many many times.

AIBU letting her?

OP posts:
Oopswediditagain2023 · 08/05/2023 09:36

I say this as someone who worked in childcare as a 19yo - absolutely not. No way. I was looking after 3 kids full time, one of which was just 3, and it was just way too much. There is also no way I would leave my 2yo with anyone for longer than a couple of nights. I would be bringing the child with me or changing my plans to do a shorter trip.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 08/05/2023 09:37

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this, is there a reason your mum or sister can't have her?

Coronationstation · 08/05/2023 09:38

I used to house and cat sit in my uni holidays and that was stressful enough, there’s no way I could have dealt with a toddler for a week!

Flittingaboutagain · 08/05/2023 09:40

This is insane to me. I am postponing my honeymoon until I will enjoy it. I can't imagine having a lovely week away from my toddler. I'd just be thinking about how much crying for Mumma and Dadda would go on.

Kugela · 08/05/2023 09:42

No, I wouldn’t choose to leave a 2 year old with anyone for a whole week. Could you have a shorter honeymoon of a weekend?

Emmamoo89 · 08/05/2023 09:43

Peppermint81 · 08/05/2023 09:29

Baffled as to how you could want to leave your 2 year old for 2 weeks! Especially with a teenager. A family holiday maybe??

It's a week

WaitingfortheTardis · 08/05/2023 09:45

Choice of carer sounds fine, but sorry I'm another one thinking it's rather off to leave your young child for a week. Would a few days not suffice? Then perhaps another few days together as a family?

Mariposista · 08/05/2023 09:53

A lot of 19 year olds are far more mature than some 30 year olds. If your niece is sensible, knows and has a good relationship with your child, and has back up from her mum and grandmother if needed, this sounds like a good arrangement. I would definitely be paying her or at least getting her a very nice present though.

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 09:59

MagicalLife · 08/05/2023 08:49

She lives at home still and commutes to university. She has babysat her many times overnight and has had her in the daytime.

Show quote history

She will be back from university

🤔

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 10:00

If she wasn’t so young she would have her own children.

what an odd thing to say

NeatCompactSleeper · 08/05/2023 10:02

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/05/2023 09:01

She lives at home still and commutes to university.

Then why did you say "She will be back from University"?

I wonder if the OP will answer this?

RoseBucket · 08/05/2023 10:03

Sounds like it would be fine, she has support and they have a bond, I’d leave freezer meals though as a treat in addition to the pay.

RoseBucket · 08/05/2023 10:04

She probably means she will have finished Uni so isn’t tied into the commute and attendance.

Rupiduti · 08/05/2023 10:06

Oopswediditagain2023 · 08/05/2023 09:36

I say this as someone who worked in childcare as a 19yo - absolutely not. No way. I was looking after 3 kids full time, one of which was just 3, and it was just way too much. There is also no way I would leave my 2yo with anyone for longer than a couple of nights. I would be bringing the child with me or changing my plans to do a shorter trip.

But we are all different.
You found it hard, she may not! You were looking after 3 kids full time at that age. This is a 19 year old doing it for 1 week, an end in sight. It's fine.

pontipinemum · 08/05/2023 10:07

I think I would. DD will be at nursery giving your niece a break. Also your mum and sister are very close by and can be there within minutes if DN needs support.

I'd maybe ask your sister/ mum to make plans with your niece for the weekend when she isn't at nursery so that she has support when she had DD all day.

If she has had her over night and she knows the child well I think I would trust her.

KatP75 · 08/05/2023 10:08

While I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone who does, honestly I wouldn’t personally. But I wouldn’t leave my two year old with my very responsible mum for a week either. It’s just not something we’d consider doing, for that long anyway- a night, yes. Many would say we’re overprotective and that’s fine. Each to their own. The toddlers in my family have all been hard work when this age and needed constant watching as they were dangers to themselves. I wouldn’t wanna put this on anyone for a week! 😂 I just wouldn’t be able to enjoy it and fully relax and would constantly be waiting for my phone to ring. Congratulations on your wedding!

mycatsanutter · 08/05/2023 10:09

Sounds absolutely fine , she sounds sensible and maternal , it's one week out of the year not a month ! Have fun

Whataninsight · 08/05/2023 10:09

NeatCompactSleeper · 08/05/2023 10:02

I wonder if the OP will answer this?

Show quote history

She won’t be back

OP just a heads up - saying on a mumsnet thread something won’t make it true

when people say she will “be back from university” it means they are resident there . It does not mean they live at home and commute in. You know it. We know it.

so you are lying, which begs the questions… why?

Nousernamesleftatall · 08/05/2023 10:11

No way. I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave my child for a week. Take both or postpone.

Tempone · 08/05/2023 10:11

She won’t be back

OP just a heads up - saying on a mumsnet thread something won’t make it true

when people say she will “be back from university” it means they are resident there . It doesnotmean they live at home and commute in. You know it. We know it.

so you are lying, which begs the questions… why?

This is mn where people pick "holes" in people's stories to "catch them out" which is pathetic.

aSofaNearYou · 08/05/2023 10:13

I would assuming your DM and/or Dsis could be available to help if she struggled.

KissyMissy · 08/05/2023 10:13

berksandbeyond · 08/05/2023 08:57

I wouldn’t leave my child for a week full stop tbh

This.
I wouldn't be able to relax!

Fuckitydoodah · 08/05/2023 10:14

I think she'll be fine. Especially if there's a support network on hand should she need it. I bet your DD will have a lovely time being totally spoilt.

Zanatdy · 08/05/2023 10:15

Yes I would. I lived alone with a 3yr old by 19yrs old. If she’s been involved and has family nearby too I’d go for it and enjoy your child free honeymoon

SquishyGloopyBum · 08/05/2023 10:15

Wow, the mummy martyrs are out in force today.

Sounds great. Just go and enjoy your honeymoon knowing your DD is being well looked after but someone she loves.

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