To say he's not to have friends round?

[ItsaREDcar]

We have husband's older son (13) 3 nights a week (on the second week it's over the weekend so EOW but always 3 nights a week in total).

Husband's work is experiencing issues with staffing so he's having to pull some extra Saturday night shifts. As a result I agreed that DSS could still stay here on his normal weekends whilst DH was working. I have a 1.5 year old at home too.

DSS has started wanting mates over all the time, I get it, he's getting to be a teenager now but I just don't want it happening when his dad is here. He can't be trusted to keep it down and not wake the LO up, always sniffing around for tea/food and frankly I don't need multiple teens hanging around on a Saturday night when I'm trying to look after our DC too and also have an evening myself once LO is in bed. Oh and the fact they just hang about forever in the morning before leaving!

I've said to DH that I don't want DSS to have friends round again now whilst he isn't here, it's fine if he is because DH can deal with all the telling to be quiet, food making etc.. but I'm already sorting DSS out (which includes running him to and from a hobby on the Saturday afternoon with LO in tow) and I don't want to have to deal with his mates too.

DH is worried this will mean he'll start choosing to stay at his mums house more (who'd be fine with him staying at hers and let's him have mates round all the time) but I just think it's not really for me to deal with.

AIBU?

Not sure we are reading the same words @Glitterybee this "evil" step parent looks after her sc quite happily when his dad is working, just doesn't want random other teens there unless her husband is there to help

What on earth is wrong with that??

Some nutty posters on here

Ffs read the thread. Loads of people have said they wouldn't allow this if it was their own child.

People like you make yourself look utterly ridiculous talking about "evil stepmothers" over something like this.

I think they would expect this at a sleepover. We did. We did tend to make ourselves food, but parents left a lot of chilli or curry to be heated, or pizza or smth to stick in the oven. The best sleepover house was a friend whose mum made banoffee too.

I don't allow DD to do it now and won't when she'll be 13 either. Am I evil too?

Yeah you aren’t very nice. I hope she atleast has siblings.

I never had a sleepover as a child, only child too - really not a problem at all.

This baffled me too.

@ItsaREDcar What's step sons reason for wanting the Saturday instead of Friday?

So so often, far too often, on mn, there seems to be new second families being created, with absolutely zero regard for the first children.

For example, I have a 13 and a 15 year old. Would I have another baby now? Absolutely not, because it wouldn't be fair on my teenagers. They'd have to creep around in all hours, and that just isn't fair on them.

I get that other families make different decisions and many think it's fine, but the difference is, they actually weigh up the pros and cons to all their children of it.

Do you think you would have a baby when your child is a teenager op, or would you consider their needs as well and whether it fits in? I somehow get the impression that a little bit more thought would go in to it.

@ily0xx she's an only child. Better call SS.

I mean obviously circumstances and reasons are irrelevant, and the fact that she can have them weekdays in the school holidays. Won't somebody think of the children?

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus You don't allow your daughter to have friends over or sleepovers?

I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck as an only child and not even allowed friends to stay over. I had a strict parent like this but atleast I had my sister, I wasn’t just stuck at home alone with an adult all the time. I’d have gone crazy. Why can’t she have people to stay round? It’s selfish.

It's shocking.

People complaint that step-parents always get shat on. Well, don't do shit like this for starters...

Its amazing how your husband 'has' to put in more hours at work, but he doesn't have to be there for his son.

He's prioritising work, so he doesn't get a say in what happens when he's not there. And yes, his son probably won't come. What's he going to do about that?

Exactly, tbh I wouldn’t be too pleased at a man leaving his boisterous teen and friends with me in that situation if I had another younger one, but that’s why I don’t date men with kids. If you can’t treat their kids like as your own, go your own way. It wouldn’t be fair on either of us.

Surely a step parent is just that? People shouldn't get into relationships with people if their not willing to do any of the parenting

She can have friends over. Not really on the weekend though. Loads in the school holidays , or Fridays after school sometimes. Sleepovers tend to be weekdays during the school holidays, but not particularly often. She only had one weekend sleepover for her birthday this year.

This is it exactly.

@ily0xx it's not being strict, it's circumstances. She has plenty of freedom ,friends,quite a good social life (that's purely down to her being a great kid) and is involved in these conversations. She understands at 11, why can't you?

YABU. Your DH is neglecting his duties as a (part-time, less than 50%) dad - he doesn't "have" to work Saturday nights, he's choosing to. As for you, you just sound selfish and not very nice. Read How to Talk So Teens Will Listen... your toddler will be a teenager before you know it and you'll want to make their friends welcome so you know where they are on a Saturday night!

I am not sure how you know he doesn’t need to go to work on weekends and is just choosing to go in. He may well have to work when he is scheduled to work and many people can’t just choose to not go to work…unless they want to lose their jobs. Lots of parents with kids work, that doesn’t mean they are neglecting their duties. Kids and life costs money and being a responsible adult who works and ensures your child has a home and food and clothes and all the basics is part of being a good parent.

And he lives there. His friends don't.

The op isn't saying he can't work, she's saying he can but on those nights she's alone it has to just be the two children, no extras.

What the husband can't do is decide to work, and then dictate what goes on in his absence.

Also, Plenty of women are forced to find work around their children. I'll never understand why a forum called Mumsnet is so keen to blame women for absolutely everything and have such low expectations of men.

I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck as an only child and not even allowed friends to stay over. I had a strict parent like this but atleast I had my sister, I wasn’t just stuck at home alone with an adult all the time. I’d have gone crazy. Why can’t she have people to stay round? It’s selfish.

People are different. I had maybe two sleepovers as a teenager. I spent most nights home alone, messaging friends. This was just normal, it was the culture, I wasn't horrified to just be with my family in the evening, or to be alone in my room. There is a sliding scale of how strongly averse teens feel to these things and I'd say what you've described here is at the extreme end.

Ffs what is it on mn tonight -the idiots who cant read club