Is this peak CF'ery or should I let it go?

[Mumbleer]

In-laws are staying the BH weekend with me, DH and DD (4 months). SIL and DP are staying elsewhere at an Airbnb. All of them live 3+ hours drive away.

Today we planned to go out altogether as a family. Because we have a little one, we try to be a bit more organised and so the day was (roughly) supposed to go like this:

• leave house between 11-11.30 to meet SIL at tourist spot
• have a walk around and do all the sights
• lunch booked by DH at 2.15. General plan to split 3 ways by couple
• back home late afternoon, SIL and DP staying out for BH drinks

I got up around 8.30 with DD as usual and got us both ready as I know it takes ages. DH went in to check on PILs at 10.30 - still snoring. Same again at 11. At that point he woke them up to check on plans and they said they would rather stay in bed and see us at lunch. Bit annoying but fair enough. We left and had a nice time with SIL and her DP.

DH called them several times to check they were up and still coming. No answer.

Our booking time arrives and DH gets a call - they're on their way. Better late than never. Everyone orders lunch and it's big portions. MIL eats little and is full up. Turns out she ate "breakfast" at ours about an hour beforehand. Ok then.

Everyone else finishes and we ask for the bill. FIL disappears to check on the car. MIL stands up and says "Hope it's OK, we're going to head out now to make the most of the sunshine and your dad wants to see XYZ. Bye then!". No exaggeration at all. And this was just as the waitress turned up to ask how we were splitting it.

DH ended up just paying the lot as we were all caught off guard. No thank yous, no apologies. No goodbyes even from FIL as he was at the car and didn't come back.

We came home with DD and are now waiting for them to come back.

AIBU to be absolutely flummoxed/furious? Is this peak CF'ery? How does one stop people in their tracks in the middle of something like this next time? Have no idea what to say to them when they get back and I'm not very good at hiding my emotions on my face.

Any ideas from MN?

I love this.

Hmmm! Straight gas lighting. Everyone else fault, always the "innocent" party, always the one "unsure" bla bla!" If I were you I would say to her "Oh I understand you felt you couldn't interact with GD because I am breast feeding! That's a shame! I wish you had said at the time, I really want you to have time with her! Next time lets agree when you will have her for a while whilst I am ,.... "

TBH the only way to deal with this stuff is to call out the behaviour but not in a confrontational way but in a "concerned, finding a solution" way! It is very discombombulating for people behaving in this crap way!

Learnt today that MIL told DH that she felt she couldn't step in with DGD because of me breastfeeding/needing to soothe DD. So it's my fault! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I sincerely hope your DH called her out on this.

Please ignore her. It's total DARVO.

And well done for handing off any visit management. Leave your ridiculous MIL to make the effort to see her DGC.

PS Have you nixed the 'house-sitting'?

She is some bullshitter...

@Fraaahnces has it right, deflect, confuse, obfuscate the core issue with obscure confusion🙄...aka a bullshitter

We’re the plans discussed in advance?
When babies come along we try to plan loads (although can rarely work out well).
All seems not a massive biggy, except wandering off when due to pay and not say goodbye, that’s rude.

I have heard that generation can think of someone invites you that they will pay, our generation that’s not the case. I try to ensure everyone knows the score from the get go.

Stay in bed till 11am when visiting people, then eat breakfast an hour before lunch, that seems the most odd to me.

probably in future run through the plans before hand, and say if you want to come with us be ready to leave at ‘x’.

I'm sorry but how does that stop her from paying for her meals?

I don't understand how one situation prevented another unconnected situation from happening.

Were you breastfeeding your DD at the time? Would your DD have had to been removed from your breast for your MiL to 'soothe' her? What batshit crazy nonsense is this woman trying to sell???

I do hope your DH told his mother where to go because she herself was, as you put it, either asleep or sightseeing without you.

Is this typical of their behaviour or were they annoyed about something - plans being made that they had not been involved in or agreed to?

If they were aware of the plans and not made any indication that they were not happy with them, I think getting up so late was very inconsiderate, as was their behaviour for the rest of the day. It was stupid to have a late breakfast when they knew a meal had been booked. - and most people would at least offer to pay their share.

I don't think I would say anything - it would be better left to you husband, in my opinion. But I can understand that you will find it difficult not to show your annoyance.

I wouldn't give them my banking information. Let them pay cash or cheque.