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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He called his ex when drunk

404 replies

confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 11:44

My partner went out and had a few too many.
When he got home I heard him on the phone telling someone he thought of them every single day.
He also said he missed them and something about a holiday.
I snooped on his phone this morning and it was his ex.
Aibu to think he still has feelings for her? They split properly 4 months ago but I think things were rocky for a bit before that.

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 06/05/2023 11:47

Well he's not really your partner, if he only split with his ex 4 months ago?
Of course he still has feelings for her, you heard him say it himself?

happypoobum · 06/05/2023 11:49

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy playing second best.

Off he fucks.

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 11:50

They split officially 4 months ago but the relationship had run its course months before that. I know he wasn't happy with her the last 2 months they were together.
I know we've got together quite quick but we were friends before so I've known him longer.

OP posts:
Darkroot · 06/05/2023 11:50

He split up with his ex 4 months ago and you already live together?

DeflatedAgain · 06/05/2023 11:52

How long were they together OP?

People don't instantly stop thinking of someone if they've spent a significant part of their life with them.

I would be annoyed also, but it's obviously early days for you both.

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 11:53

No not living together yet. He's looking for a job where I live before he moves in. Just wanted to know was it just the drink talking or was there some truth in what he told her. If I ask him he will probably blame it on the drink as he rarely drinks alcohol.

OP posts:
Bivarb · 06/05/2023 11:54

Assuming this is real, yes he very clearly has feelings for her.

It's over for you both now right? There's no coming back from that surely

Poppyblush · 06/05/2023 11:55

Yes, he has feelings for her. End this relationship as you’re not his number one.

randomusername2020 · 06/05/2023 11:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

BranchGold · 06/05/2023 11:56

Yep, definitely still has feelings for her. You are now fully aware of it, so don’t be a div and have him move in with you with that full knowledge.

You’re convenient in his life at the minute. You’re not his partner.
Move on.

ZekeZeke · 06/05/2023 11:56

Broke up 4 months ago? Way too soon to be dating someone.
Don't let him move in,I repeat, whatever you do, don't let him move in.

BodyKeepingScore · 06/05/2023 11:57

My thinking is that you're a "rebound" and he isn't over his ex. The fact that you're even considering moving in together at this early stage of the relationship is a huge red flag. There's a saying that goes something like there are two things that always tell the truth - children and drunk people. If she's the one that's on his mind when he's drinking then she's the one he has feelings for. Awful as it may be for you to acknowledge, the relationship is unlikely to work out if he's still harbouring those feelings for her.

Chickychoccyegg · 06/05/2023 11:58

Moving crazy fast, it's not healthy to go from one relationship straight into another, of course there's unresolved feelings, he's had no time to process the end of this relationship.

midnightblue12 · 06/05/2023 11:58

I'm sorry OP. This must be really hard for you.
I think it's very obvious he is still in love with his ex and I very much doubt you can move forward feeling happy with trust after this.

PollyAmour · 06/05/2023 11:58

You're hisrebound, unfortunately. Protect your heart and let him go.

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 11:59

We are long distance so only see each other once or twice a month. That's why he's looking to move to where I am and financially it makes sense for him to move in.

OP posts:
BranchGold · 06/05/2023 12:01

Ha, I bet it makes financial sense for him to move in. Honestly, read that back to yourself. He wants you to subsidise him while he’s emotionally invested in his ex. Are you not embarrassed??

PurpleSky09 · 06/05/2023 12:03

He clearly has unresolved issues with his ex and I wouldn't be sticking around.

Let him go OP and save yourself the heartbreak.

Clymene · 06/05/2023 12:03

You only see him once or twice a month and he's calling his ex while he's at your house?

You really need to end this OP. It's not going to end well. I'm so sorry

Original poster
confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 12:05

But what if it was a drunken mistake? I don't want to lose him over something he did after a few drinks. He genuinely a lovely guy who treats me so well.

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 06/05/2023 12:06

Run for the hills, u r just a substitute!

midnightblue12 · 06/05/2023 12:06

Clymene · 06/05/2023 12:03

You only see him once or twice a month and he's calling his ex while he's at your house?

You really need to end this OP. It's not going to end well. I'm so sorry

This.

I'm sorry too OP, it really does sound like you think a lot of him.

happypoobum · 06/05/2023 12:07

BranchGold · 06/05/2023 12:01

Ha, I bet it makes financial sense for him to move in. Honestly, read that back to yourself. He wants you to subsidise him while he’s emotionally invested in his ex. Are you not embarrassed??

Exactly!

Come on OP, where’s your self respect?

KrisAkabusi · 06/05/2023 12:09

confuseddotcom201 · 06/05/2023 12:05

But what if it was a drunken mistake? I don't want to lose him over something he did after a few drinks. He genuinely a lovely guy who treats me so well.

You've met him, what, less than ten times if he's only around once or twice a month. This is all happening way too quickly. He's not ready and you're too needy if you think him moving in so soon is a good idea.

randomusername2020 · 06/05/2023 12:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.