He called his ex when drunk

[confuseddotcom201]

My partner went out and had a few too many.
When he got home I heard him on the phone telling someone he thought of them every single day.
He also said he missed them and something about a holiday.
I snooped on his phone this morning and it was his ex.
Aibu to think he still has feelings for her? They split properly 4 months ago but I think things were rocky for a bit before that.

Ditch him, he was caught out. Put it this way if you didn’t hear him, he’d of hid the fact he did it and lied to you, he’s not sorry because he means it, he’s sorry he got caught out.

he obviously is still in love with her, he may have some feelings for you but a relationship built on lies (clearly he does this a lot) will not work.

he originally told you she was just a friend? Why are you with this man? He lied to you from day one and was pretty much cheating on her with you. He is a shit in my eyes!

please don’t let this man move in with you, your children should come first, I know you say they love him but in all fairness why would you encourage your children to have a relationship with someone who is clearly pining for his ex and has openly said she is all he thinks about? I wouldn’t let my children anywhere near a man like this! It has red flags wrote all over it.

you deserve better and you will find better! I’d be holding the door wide open for this man and telling him to fuck off back where he came from.

so wait, this guy is nearly 60, with nothing to his name as his ex kicked him out; cant even afford to rent his own place! you are about 20 years younger, with 4 kids, one SEN, on benefits, naïve, desperate and trusting despite his apparent love for his ex and his lovely lifestyle I assume his ex provided (since he is unable to have it on his own). this really cant be real; such a massive cliché on top of another massive cliché.

BranchGold · Yesterday 12:01
Ha, I bet it makes financial sense for him to move in. Honestly, read that back to yourself. He wants you to subsidise him while he’s emotionally invested in his ex. Are you not embarrassed??

this is sad and the ladies posting, are right. This is no good and he loves the previous girlfriend

So, we have a man, pushing 60, who hangs out with other old men in small town night spots until 2am, getting so drunk he has no control of himself or memory of his actions?
On the plus side OP, I think its probably safe to say you won't be fighting off any competition.

I know it sounds odd but it's true.
He is 57. I'm in my 40's. Not a massive age gap.
He's lived a varied and travelled life.
He's not long split with his partner.
What is so hard to believe?

Looking at it I sound stupid I get it.

I love this man. It looks like we are different people with not much in common. Looks like he is using me I get it.

Doesn't make me a troll.

Maybe a bit sad and pathetic.

I'll leave now. Sorry for looking for support

He was out for a drink with his brother. Not other sad old men.

So if he was just with his brother - why did he ring his X

Because he had too much to drink. I don't know. That was my question.

Not about my choices or age gap or anything.

Just wanted to know if there was an explanation to that call.

Seems like option is he's in love with her is using me and I'm a pathetic stupid person for believing someone might actually care about me.

I felt awful after hearing that call.

I now feel worse like it was somehow my fault or I asked for it for not picking the right person to be with.

Oh but I'm a liar. I'm just making this all up for whatever reason

You said you'd leave before... yet here we go again... drip troll 🙄

@ThickSkinnedSoWhat
I have no one else to talk to about this.
Maybe that's why I'm coming back

This is no place for help.

I made another mistake. No one gives a shit if your life isn't perfect.

I actually don’t get why you’re still posting on here?

You have no one else to talk to but say this man who clearly isn’t over his ex makes you feel good? It’s frustrating to read as you’re after advice but not taking anyone’s advice so I don’t get it

@cherrybakewell17
Just wanted some advice and to talk to someone

No friends really or family.

I'm shocked

Feel so alone.

I will tell him it's over when he gets back to his and block him.

@Blablablanamechangagain

Glad you take pleasure in someone else's loneliness and unhappiness

no one deserves to be second best OP. I think people are exasperated because they know you deserve more. It just sounds very clear what is going on.

@cherrybakewell17
I get it. When he leaves tomorrow I'm blocking him. I'm done.

It seems like being called stupid and a troll and having the shit ripped out of me here just confirms I'm not worthy of any kindness.
If people think so badly of me for reaching out why should he care.
Why should anyone.

Please just concentrate on your kids. Just build a nice life with them and fine your inner peace and learn to love yourself.
Only when you are content with you will you meet someone who is decent.
While you are vulnerable and needy and willing to accept bad treatment, you attract bad men.
When your judgment is so clouded that you allow them around your kids, you are putting them in danger.
Please do the freedom programme and work on the issues causing your low self esteem

And don't take the comments here as criticism.
People are frustrated as they can see what you can't.
You are so desperate to be loved and wanted by a man but this is not the way to do it.
You have to have that relationship with YOU first.

You don't want advice, you want a place to have a whinge and argue with people who give you decent advice.
I reported you to Mumsnet as a troll and they said they were giving you the benefit of the doubt 🙄

I gave you this advice @confuseddotcom201 several pages back….

Work on your confidence and self esteem, go to courses if you can and take up hobbies (even online)… get yourself into the position of going back to work or doing something for yourself. Put all of your energy into you. And someone decent will come along…

People are frustrated because the advice has been unanimous.

— He is still in love with his ex, otherwise wouldn’t be phoning them. And his cheating behaviour with you demonstrates that he is a man who can’t be trusted.

— Meeting somebody 8 times is not a relationship.

— Having someone you barely know around your kids is a safety risk. You shouldn’t even introduce them until 8-12 months after having a proper relationship.

— Moving in with anyone in your circumstances will massively negatively impact you and your kids financially.

— He is using you as a b&b and somehow has you more concerned about his financial difficulties and taking care of him that you taking care of yourself and your children.

— Having a significantly older partner will negatively impact you and your kids as you will end up as carer and in financial difficulty when he starts to have more health problems and becomes frail.

All of this is blatantly obvious. Common sense. And you’ve been given the same advice multiple times but kept going on about the phone call, which is about the least important thing in this scenario.

Drop him. Focus on being a mother. Please take the advice I have previously at the top of this post. Develop your life, focus on YOU and the kids, making friends and moving towards work or study so you have an identity and social contact.

I also think, if this has all been genuine, that you need to see your gp about counselling. You seem in a really low, vulnerable place. And you need to go to counselling to help understand how you got here and to help you develop self worth.

Op you haven’t made a mistake, it’s not your fault ❤️❤️