I've been with my husband since I was 16. I want to know what people really think?

[OrchidArcade]

Just that really. I always feel a bit embarrassed saying it, if it comes up in conversation. I'm sure people don't voice their inner thoughts such as 'how have you only ever had sex with one person' as an example. I guess this is a.sort of AMA slash what are you really thinking thread;

Me too, now 61. I always feel people think it’s nice to have found each other so early in life.

Firstly it helps to know how old you are? If you're 26 it might be a different perspective to if you're 56.

I don't think being with someone from the age of 16 is intrinsically a bad thing and if your marriage is good and you are happy I would just think you'd clearly chosen well.

To be honest though I do think its quite limiting to get married so young and to have all the baggage and commitment that goes with that. I think it's good for people (and women in particular) to get to know themselves as independent people before committing to spend the rest of their lives with someone and also not to only ever have one romantic relationship. It's not particularly about the sex, it's about exposure to different people and ideas. I honestly wouldn't be thrilled if my DD got married at 16.

But if it works for you, why do you care what other people think?

When I meet people in this situation, it probably does cross my mind that they might only have been intimate with that one person. But there is nothing wrong with that and a few generations ago that was very normal.

In general, I feel impressed when people have managed to keep their relationship going all that time (provided they are both happy) because a 16 year old is still a child to me (or not an adult at least), and while many of us had stopped growing physically at 16, our cognitive development continues well into our 20s so I find it impressive when people have stayed together through that and beyond.

I was 20 when I started seeing my DH and we were both still quite immature until our mid twenties. We had both had other conquests before getting together though!

Me too, now 46. I'd think "yay, someone else who got super lucky right off the bat". No regrets at all - I think maybe I wondered a bit if I was missing out when I was younger, but now I'm older I just feel relieved to have missed all the shit other people seem to have gone through.

AHH, that's lovely. I'm in my 30's .

I would only take note if you were 16 and your husband was older when you met.

I’d think you are really lucky. One of my good friends met her DH when she was 16, they are still together and she’s 54 now.
Going out with a load of eejits during your 20’s isn’t that much fun.

I didn't marry till I was 25!
We have definitely grown up together and it's had its ups and downs

A colleague of mine is the same, think they were 14 when they got together, now mid 40s and have never been with anyone else. She even went to a different uni and he travelled to see her every weekend. Never had kids so it’s always been the two of them.

I’ll be honest and say I think it’s a bit sad but that’s just my personal perspective.

@DisforDarkChocolate not much older. He was 20.

Going out with a load of eejits during your 20’s isn’t that much fun.

Will agree to disagree there . I think it’s part of life’s overall experience really which I think is lost when someone settles down very young.

I was 17. I tell people with pride. It also gives us a different perspective on teenage reationships eg ds and his friends as so many parents dismiss their young people's feelings as "it will never last". It might not, but it also might.

@Sartre I do feel I've sort of missed out on that experience although we partied hard during those years!

I’d think it was a bit sad you’d never explored other relationships, but people make their own choices. My view is how do you know he is the one if you’ve never really experienced anything else.

I met DH at 18 but had dated a lot before then so was able to see how much better he was than anyone else I’d dated or slept with.

I would think you were fortunate if you have been with a good man (or woman) who is respectful, considers you an equal and if you have children, is a good parent.

I'd nod politely and not think anything at all. I know you're not really supposed to say this but I don't care enough about other people's lives to form an opinion unless it's something really weird and outrageous and then my thoughts are why the fuck are you telling me that, you weirdo.

I tell people with pride. It also gives us a different perspective on teenage reationships eg ds and his friends as so many parents dismiss their young people's feelings as "it will never last". It might not, but it also might.
This is true, I remember my aunt saying it won’t last to my cousin who’s been with her DH since they were both 14. The relationship survived them going to different universities and her doing her law exams. They have a family now and have been together over 30 years.

@Hoollaaahooops I'll never know I guess. For the most part we're good friends as well as lovers so it seems good but as you say, I've no comparison.

I suppose I'd think it was quite unusual, then I'd wonder if you were from a religious or very conservative family/whether you were from a background where getting in a serious relationship and staying in it from young was the norm. I went to uni with a couple who'd been together since year 9 (so 13/14?) and are still together now in their 30s, and they were from a quite rural farming community where a lot of their friends had married young or stayed with their first partners, so that's my frame of reference.

My questions would be:

• Are you happy? :)
• Do you think your life has looked different as a result of it, or not? By that I mean - have you made decisions you might not have had you been single (travelling alone, choosing where to live/work etc)
• Have you changed much as people since you met (and if so, were there any times where you thought you might be becoming too different to stay together, or not)?

One of my friends has been with her DH since they were 14 and 15, now 50 and 51, and they are two of the happiest people I know.They didn't get married until they had been an item for 12 years, having attended far distant universities.
I always think how lucky they are.

I'd wonder if the relationship was largely habit, you fell in to it young and wouldn't know how to get out of it or even, if you wanted to get out of it. But I wouldn't feel sorry for you. Lots of people just pair off without much thought. Also, new relationships are good for about 18 months to 2 years and then, it kind of settles so in a way, 10 years, 20 years, it's whether or not you are restricting each other or supporting each other that matters, when the initial get together has settled. That's what matters. I would guess. But who knows. And as I've been single for most of my adult life, i know that some people might feel sad for me. But I feel free. I just don't care what people think now at this point in my life 50s

I've been with mine since 18 - married 26 - mid 40s - three teens lived all over UK.

So I wouldn't think anything of it.

I knew another mother married at 18 still with him in late 40s- they'd had 8 kids over 26 years- she was mid 40s and she did get upset because some people assumed youngest were GC or that it must be a second marriage and made unthinking comments along those lines.

Same here, I met my DH when I was 17 and now I'm 36, we have a DD and a DS, 20 years together this year.

This.

It's a bit creepy that he was 20 but it's still nice you've found your person so young. I met my DH at 18, he was 20. I have no regrets but I do get sympathetic looks sometimes as we're each other's first partners.

I don't understand why some people seem to think you can't grow as a person or find yourself while in a relationship. It seems quite sad to me that some people obviously let that part of them die when they settle down. I still travelled independently of my partner and did everything I wanted before having my first child at 30. I'm now pregnant with our second child. Life is bliss.