I've been with my husband since I was 16. I want to know what people really think?

[OrchidArcade]

Just that really. I always feel a bit embarrassed saying it, if it comes up in conversation. I'm sure people don't voice their inner thoughts such as 'how have you only ever had sex with one person' as an example. I guess this is a.sort of AMA slash what are you really thinking thread;

Do you still live in your hometown and did you go to uni? Have you travelled much?

Going out with a load of eejits during your 20’s isn’t that much fun.

It's not so much the going out with eejits that I feel you have missed out on. It's just not having to got to know yourself without the demands of being in a marriage. Being on your own is a brilliant way to grow and develop. Much harder to learn about yourself if you're constantly looking after someone else's needs.

I wouldn't think twice. Dh and I got together 20 years ago at 18. Married and had kids 26 onwards.

It's only "missing out" if you consider it to be something worth missing. I'm perfectly happy in my marriage, don't feel like I've missed out on anything I would value.

My first boyfriend at 15 was also a great friend and good lover (once he had gotten over the nerves!) but dating other people really made me see how DH is the ‘one’

Ive never had a shit boyfriend or a shit shag, but it felt different being with DH. If i had no comparison I’d spend my life wondering whether my partner was actually the best I could get.

DH was 16 and I was 17 when we met. You meet someone when you meet them.

I think you're in the best position possible. However, don't start thinking the grass might be greener elsewhere. Wrong. The dating pool today is a sewer. Too many damaged, dysfunctional, immature, volatile, all over the place singles looking for the next life to derail, intentionally or not.

Stay and be happy with your lovely loyal, husband. Understand you are in an extremely good position and any one with anything pejorative to say about your situation, are one of the people I mentioned above. Good luck.

@beeskipa

I'm in and out of happiness.

I'd have traveled more, and I'd have a pet! Other than that I followed my career goals and also had children in my late 20s as I wanted.

We've both changed. He took a long time to grow up bitt sadly when he did he's become very grumpy recently.
I

It's a bit creepy that he was 20 but it's still nice you've found your person so young.

I agree with this. Four years difference is nothing when you're in your 30s, but a 20 year old dating a 16 year old is a bit much for me I think.

I have a friend like this . I am madly jealous. No insecurities , no drama or angst filled dating in their 20s . Just a clear plan and future together that got better as they married and had a family . Great example to their DCs as to what a goid relationship shoukd be. Grandparents now and it is lovely.

Me too, also in my 30's. I've got a double whammy because I also had my daughter at 17. By all accounts and opinions our relationship should have failed miserably, but we're very very happy. I know I got lucky!

I know people probably have their thoughts, but we've had a wonderful relationship. We've survived serious illness, bereavement, near financial ruin, the works. All the hardest things a relationship can go through, and I can confidently say I love him more every time I look at him.

I also know plenty of people who waited, who dated around, who "got to know themselves" as independent people, married in their late 20's and 30's and are now divorced or on spouse 2 or 3, or have settled for the nearest available idiot so they can have children. Then there's my MIL who has just met her "person" now in her 50's. I think it's luck of the draw either way, and we just got lucky!

I can't tag the asker but I know I'm still in love as if I'm scared, panicked or don't want to see other people I always want my husband in those moments

I also started "going out" with my husband when I was 16. We're early 30s now with 2 DC.
I'm very grateful for it, hearing my friends dating stories I am so glad I've not had to deal with some of the shit they have!

I’m afraid I agree. The normal 20 year olds I know would definitely not want to date someone who wasn’t an adult. The ones that would happily date minors always had something a bit off about them or were very desperate! Your husband might be the exception but if I found out the age gap when you started dating I’d be a bit hmmm.

I'd think, its not too late, get out there whilst you're still young and shag a load of fit men that take your breath away!!!

We moved to London for our twenties and had a blast as well as finding our careers.

16 and 20 sounds creepy now but it didn't feel it at all.

Until recently I'd probably have thought it was nice that you'd met "the one" early on. But I've just met a couple who got together in their mid teens and whilst she's absolutely lovely he's a complete dickhead, but she has no idea and no point of reference to see that his behaviour and treatment of her is wrong.

You could say the same of many couples who got together at an older age, but I think lack of experience of men and relationships in the case of my new friend is why she doesn't see the obvious. He was a teenage boy when they met and still behaves that way 20 years on.

But all relationships are different so if you're happy then I doubt anyone is going to be suggesting there's any issue

When it works, I think it's brilliant to meet your partner young and have all your adult life together

Sadly, I know a few people who settled down young, but grew apart as they matured, so I'd be a little concerned about that

Like others my view would depend on whether you are happy. It absolutely wouldn't be for me and I feel a bit claustrophobic thinking about it.

I've enjoyed having different relationships and experiences and I wouldn't be in the happy one I'm in now without those. But you might look at my relationship history and think 'hell no' too.

I think 16 is very young to meet your forever person and I do wonder how you know they're right for you really without other experience.

I also think the age gap was a little bit worrying at that age. 4 years is nothing when you're older but 16 and 20 are worlds apart.

The few couples I know who have been together from teens do seem to have struggled at points and maybe have felt like they've missed out on some experiences like going travelling, holidays with mates, going away to uni, house shares and just building a life that is their own before being a couple.

Of course there's nothing saying you can't do those things but none of them have.

@Ohfgsjon haha! This is exactly what I think people are thinking 😂

Wouldn't really think anything tbh but dh and I have been together since we were young and have been together 23 years.

Less so than the opportunity to explore other relationships and sexual partners, I always feel like women particularly who have never been single and lived alone have missed out a bit. For me, it was a fundamental part of growing into the woman I am, without a man to define me or have to think about as I was maturing and finding my feet in the world. I love my husband, but I’m very glad we didn’t meet each other until 30/40, I lived a whole wonderful life that I’d have missed out on.

We did loads of traveling when I finished my alevels and before uni. Then nice holidays after that....then caravan holidays after children 😂

@ComtesseDeSpair these are my intrusive thoughts sometimes.

I mean this kindly...

But that sounds a bit like dependency to me.

Feeling scared, panicked and not wanting to see other people isn't a great way to live. The whole point about being on your own for a while as an independent adult is you get to know yourself, you get to trust your instincts and you learn to tough things out sometimes without constantly having to have a particular person with you to sort things out.

It sounds from this description a little like your husband stepped into a parental role because you never got to develop that independence. TBH this is exactly why I think getting married when you're really young is generally not a great idea.

Clearly you trust him and he's kind, which are good things. But I wonder if you are over-reliant on one another? If you're otherwise happy this isn't such a bad thing but I do think as you age its really important to develop other perspectives, other friends etc.

We met when I was 17, he was 18 married when I was 18, I was pregnant so it was the done thing in The 70’s. Just celebrated our 49th wedding anniversary and no, I don’t feel I missed out. We have lived abroad, struggled for money at times but we studied became high earners and are both still working part time as we love our jobs.