I've been with my husband since I was 16. I want to know what people really think?

[OrchidArcade]

Just that really. I always feel a bit embarrassed saying it, if it comes up in conversation. I'm sure people don't voice their inner thoughts such as 'how have you only ever had sex with one person' as an example. I guess this is a.sort of AMA slash what are you really thinking thread;

Not really, the point is pretty clear, without anyone to compare against I’d always wonder what if.

Unless you don’t think there is much difference between dating multiple people before meeting your partner and dating no one before meeting your partner?

Never having had sex with anyone else would also be a bit weird.

I was older at 19 but still a virgin & we’ve been together 20 years married 16 (had one boyfriend before him & saw one guy i really liked for a bit but he moved away so it never got serious) i have the odd moment of “what it” as he is a few years older and had slept with other people but on the whole i’m happy & have never regretted waiting for sex or not having multiple partners. Nothing to compare it to but we’ve always had a really good sex life so lack of experience hasn’t been an issue and even if we split up the thought of sex with someone else genuinely horrifies me lol

My parents also met as teens and are still together now 40 years later.

A lot of those ‘life enriching’ experiences are so overrated. I’d swap every relationship and every sexual adventure for just one long successful relationship that started early and was life long. I think if you meet young and you can grow together then you are very very lucky.

Utterly ridiculous. Countdown to the much trotted out "half plus 7" 'rule'

Hot tip: it's entirely bogus and such ' rules' are made up by the hard of thinking.

The most I would think is how lovely, I don't think about other people's sex lives or experience- have no interest in that.

I think you’re very lucky.

My sister met her husband when she was 16 (almost), they’re 50 now. Very happy, 2 brilliant kids and living their best lives.

In fact some old friends are in a similar boat.

What I would say is that for both couples, they’ve stayed in the same area for their whole lives so are clearly steady, stable and contented people generally. Good on them!

Two friends of mine are still with the blokes they met at university
First year both, one couple met their first day, and the other when I introduced her to someone I knew when she was visiting for my birthday.
I think it's wonderful.

But there are lots of different ways in which one learns about yourself as a person, and in which one encounters different people/cultures etc?

I've travelled a lot. I've been a business leader as well as a staff member. I've worked with different people - prisoners to celebrities. I've lived in different areas of the country.

All these sort of experiences haven't been experienced by a few of my friends, even though they met their husbands later than me (18 for me). They're city hicks who've never lived more than 20m from where they grew up, never left the resort, worked in the same institution since university.

It's so limited to think that there's only one way to change and grow.

Yep.

Ugh the whole dating thing is just vile. I just wanted to be with one person.

My cousin met future husband at 16, married at 21, and is now 52. They are still soppy for each other.

I was (still am) very shy around men. I met my first serious boyfriend at 19, which I consider late. All if my mates were shagging furiously from the age of 16. I split with him at 21 and met my current husband at 22, and have been with for 23 years. It's not been a great relationship all the time but I think we both had quite a bit of growing up to do. He still has so many flaws.

My friends were all having relationship dramas and were breaking up, moving on, learning from mistakes...I didn't have that. I have said to my daughter not to settle, because I did, way too early.

I wouldn't think anything of it. Me and my husband met when we were both sixteen and married at seventeen.
We've lived in different countries due to him being in the forces and travelled a lot.
I went to university and got my degree, then started my own career and we started our family when we were twenty four.
We're still married over forty years later and I can't get rid of the bugger. ( Not that I'd want to because he's a terrific husband and father )
I don't feel that I've missed out on anything, particularly sleeping with other blokes.
I'm not dependent on him as he's always worked overseas, so I've had to stand on my own two feet, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My friend met her DH when she was 14 - 50 years ago! Never been out with anyone else. I think it's lovely and I'm happy for them, however not for me! I loved going through my teens falling in and out of 'love' with more guys than I can remember, it was part of my growing up. Happily married ( for second time) but wouldn't change much tbh. Everyone is so different, why should everyone's relationships be the same?

I agree to don’t settle but settling down with someone who is right for you and who you’re happy with is very different to just settling.

I really wish I had been with my current DH at that age. I gave my best years (energy, youth, carefree happiness) to a bloke I left at 30. Straight into a new relationship with my now DH, kids and stress arrived, I'm 3 stone heavier, virtually no disposable income, and life is a bit shit.

Weirdly my brain skips to the fact they might not know any different and that it was too young to settle with one person.

But I don't know why my brain has the gall to think that bc I've been with DP since 18. So I suppose it's just conditioning.

I've even found myself saying to my mum that my brothers relationship won't last 'because they're only 18'. She turned around and said 'so were you and DP' and I think... oh yeah

@Hoollaaahooops I can see where you're coming from and it's not for me to tell you what your experience is of course.
I would say at 17/18 it's not really possible to have had "long term and short term" relationships as long term would suggest relationships that lasted years, and dating at 14/15 etc isn't the same as dating 18/19.
But I do get what you mean about having something to compare so yes can see what you're saying. Thanks for replying and for what it's worth I don't feel you seemed judgy. Happy you found your happiness.

Don't love a 16 and 20yo being together tbh. But I guess it's lasted. Hearing this though I'd worry he'd groomed you and you just didn't know any different.

I didn’t meet DH until I was early 30s and I am early 50s now. I would have been very happy to have met DH when I was younger, I would have felt I got lucky early.

A friend of mine is still married to her first boyfriend that she met aged 15; he was in his early 20s at the time.

Their relationship has obviously stood the test of time, so good on them. However I do wonder how she/he feels now their daughter is 15 and if they'd be happy with her having a 23 year old boyfriend as I strongly suspect they wouldn't, but how on earth would they justify their disapproval?

Same here. Got together at 16, married at 25 and we’re now 31 & 32. We’re very happy and feel quite lucky with all of the relationship horror stories some of my friends have experienced.

I like meeting other couples who have similar stories

I met DH when I was in my early 20s. I had assumed that I'd be single throughout my 20s and then settle down in my 30s (partly based on watching too much Sex and the City). I met DH in my last year at university, and we've been together for 15 years now.

Sometimes I wish I'd met him a few years later. I had some wonderful short-term flings, one-night stands, and I wouldn't have minded experiencing a bit more of that. I miss that feeling of rising sexual tension when you meet someone new.

Then I think about the BF I had before DH, we were together for nearly a year and when he broke up with me it absolutely broke my heart. I'm quite glad I haven't had to experience that feeling of heart break again. So, I sometimes miss the excitement of dating, one-night stands, but not the heartbreak of budding relationships that fall apart!

I will say, the downside of having had multiple sexual partners before meeting DH is that, while he's better in bed than most of them, there was one guy who was miles ahead of anyone else I've slept with. I love my husband dearly, but I still think about this other guy's skills in the bedroom sometimes!

I met my husband at 15 at school and started dating at 16. We were engaged at 24, married at 25 and had my daughter age 28. We are now 35. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on any experiences. We toured Europe together, Australia and America, we both went to university on different courses and have different careers and friends. I volunteered for a charity in Peru for a summer and we had social lives at university that didn’t seem to be impacted by being in a relationship. I suppose it depends on the personalities of the people in the relationship to how well it works without impacting on other aspects of your life.

It's funny how it only seems to be my single or unhappily married or unhappily dating friends who like to tell me that I'm missing out by only having been with one person since I was 15. Or that I've limited myself, or that I'll never know what "might have been", or that I've missed out on such important life experiences (such as disappointing dates, being cheated on, getting my heart broken, or being lumbered with some useless man child who still thinks the fairies wash the dishes???)

17 happy, loving, fulfilling and challenging years together and counting, not sure what it is they think I'm missing out on/ have missed out on.