I've been with my husband since I was 16. I want to know what people really think?

[OrchidArcade]

Just that really. I always feel a bit embarrassed saying it, if it comes up in conversation. I'm sure people don't voice their inner thoughts such as 'how have you only ever had sex with one person' as an example. I guess this is a.sort of AMA slash what are you really thinking thread;

16 and. 20,is only creepy on mumsnet
I think it's unusual in that most people sdon't stay with their same boyfriend from 1 6
But if it works it works

I've been with dh since we were 16y too. Meet at sixth form. Went to different universities but stayed together. Moved in after university, bought a house, got married and had a child a few years later.

We will have been married for 25y this summer and have been together for 33 years now. We were both 16y when we et and we both turn 50 this year.

To be fair it isn't that unusual amongst our close friends to have meet their husbands/wives whilst they were at school or early university (so 16-19yo) and are together now.
And obviously it was much more common in the past.

I certainly don't think we've missed out on anything.
I obviously wasn't what we planned or expected to happen when we first met at 16y but something obviously worked for us, and here we are now 30 odd years later.

I honestly wouldn't be thrilled if my DD got married at 16.

I don't think the OP said she got married at 16y, just that she met her now husband at that age.

I meet dh at 16y but we didn't get married until we were 24y.

I sometimes think wow what must it be like to have only slept with one person but I wouldn't dwell on it. It's nice to hear when couples are happy and have been together a long time. I met DH at 18 and we started dating when I was 20/21. I love that we grew into our 20s together and now 30s

@Thepeopleversuswork I agree with this take. @OrchidArcade it'd be really good for you to go and do something on your own. Not saying leave your H, but reinforce your own sense of where you start and he ends, and vice versa!!

I think my parents are co-dependent but it's their norm and they don't see it as a failing. When I went to visit a friend in spain and on the way home I stayed in a hotel on my own, they were really confused like, why would you stay in a hotel on your own! I worry that they worry about me, when it should be the other way around. I can recognise that sometimes it's more companionable to eat out with another person, or travel with another person but I don't feel like what I'm experiencing isn't really happening if there isn't somebody else there to witness it.

I think you should both be proud of yourselves, in that you had the courage of your convictions from an early age. Also you saved yourself a lot of angst by being in a secure relationship. It will be a lot more fun travelling and exploring the world with a bit of money in your pocket,and there's plenty of time. You work and had your children, and have had all those experiences with plenty more to come. I wish you every happiness

Been with my husband since 17,no other partners (for me), been together 18 years. Expecting 5th baby,no drama,no stds or hpv worries, all babies are welcome and wanted. Sex (when we get time lol) is still exciting for both of us, no feelings of missing out or embarassement.

I had many,many chances to hook up with men before him, none of them felt right and i wasnt going be a temporary hump pillow, so when i met my husband i knew he was it, made him wait for 6 months and get tested for stds before we has sex for the first time :P

Rightly or wrongly I'd think you'd likely lived quite a limited life.
I know a few women who married young, other than my mother they are all divorced.
Interesting everyone else commenting about similar circumstances are all still just in their 30's. Still quite young. I think your 40's is when you really start to reassess your life and realise your time is limited and that can bring about changes, especially in relationships.

Being honest I’d think that at 16 you were still a child and you’ve never had a chance to make a comparison with anyone else but it’s your life & if you’re happy what does it matter what anyone else thinks

I would also say that my DM & DF met at 17 & 18, married at 18 & 19 & split after 24 years. They both said they grew up & grew apart

I think it’s how you look at it. I found my partner relatively young (19) and yes, sometimes I wish I’d met him later.

my friends told me how hard it was dating, lots of horror stories, lots of heartbreak. Some seemed jealous of our relationship at times. I was also somewhat jealous of them and all the excitement they had. But the grass isn’t always greener!

Well, I wouldn't be thrilled if my DD met someone at 16 and stayed with that same person for decades. The marriage question is a slightly different point which relates more to money.

I think 16 is too young to be in a committed long-term relationship really. I think most people are not sufficiently emotionally mature for it and I think the opportunity cost in terms of other experiences you are not having because you are wrapped up with the relationship is very high.

I don't think its an automatic disaster but its very limiting and restricting.

My daughter is engaged to her partner of 6 years, they got together age 15/16 but had been friends since Primary school.

They seem very happy and settled, I'm happy for them, but won't lie, I do occasionally wonder if things will change as they grow.
That said, there's no commitment they can't get out of, they aren't even planning to marry for another three years, never mind children or buying a house.

The worst thing that can happen is custody of their two cats and a snake!

I have a friend who’s been with her husband since she was fourteen (school sweethearts). They’re pushing sixty now. Honestly after a lifetime of disappointing partners if I could have met the right person young and not have had to bother with all the crap I would have. I’d rather have had one single long happy relationship than several hit and miss ones.

I think it's quite sweet as long as it's a healthy, happy marriage for you both. I wish I could have met my husband earlier in life than I did so that I could have had even more time with him. I think back over some of the crap relationships of my twenties and wish I'd met him so I could've been happy rather than wasting time on crap boyfriends.
If you're both happy then more power to you.

I always feel like women particularly who have never been single and lived alone have missed out a bit.

I did live alone just wasn't single - though I suppose OP might not have.

We knew we might not last so pursued our own education and careers till we decided to move in and then quickly marry.

Were not religious or conservative but both our parents are still married into their 70s which in our kids lives makes them usual - all married and before kids.

My siblings have never married - both single at moment - one the single parent did live with two DP for years other never has.

Someone honest at least, some seem to think getting divorced/cheated on/heart broken/having a broken up family and mending childrens hearts etc are life enriching experiences :o\

yeah..no thanks lol

I'd think it was really sweet, but I'd also wonder whether one or both people had at times felt a bit limited by it, or whether they are in a bit of a 'status quo' and hadn't explored what they really want/ who they are as adults. But if it suits them both, then it's great.

I’m jealous of you

I have a family member who also married when both teenagers. They stayed blissfully married until his death in his seventies. They were the benchmark to me for what a healthy marriage looked like. Unfortunately I wasn’t as lucky as them in my choices. 🙁

@XBealtaine

I think my parents are co-dependent but it's their norm and they don't see it as a failing. When I went to visit a friend in spain and on the way home I stayed in a hotel on my own, they were really confusedlike, why would you stay in a hotel on your own! I worry that they worry about me, when it should be the other way around. I can recognise that sometimes it's more companionable to eat out with another person, or travel with another person but I don't feel like what I'm experiencing isn't really happening if there isn't somebody else there to witness it.

This is exactly it. It's that codependency, the fear of doing anything without the other person, the lack of competence, the falling into predictable roles, the same conversations again and again, the lack of "newness".

It clearly does work for a lot of people and this was the model of marriage up until a few decades ago so it's not disastrous by any means and plenty of people make it work.

But I would find that really stifling and limiting. I don't think it's great for women to shut themselves down this young and I wouldn't want it for my daughter.

my DM & DF got married believing they’d found the one and it was forever, I assume that’s what anyone getting married thinks.

is a 24 year marriage & 3 children a failure because it resulted in divorce? Or is better that they’ve both now been with our step parents for 24 odd years now & are both vastly happier?

my friends told me how hard it was dating, lots of horror stories, lots of heartbreak. Some seemed jealous of our relationship at times. I was also somewhat jealous of them and all the excitement they had. But the grass isn’t always greener!

I also met my partner pretty young and we were the first in our friendship group to get married and have children (late 20s). During that phase, I don’t think any of our friends were jealous of us. They were too busy partying, travelling and shagging everyone 😂 I think some of them have felt envious more recently though (now we’re in our 40s) because some of them didn’t find the right person till they were well into their 30s so settling down and having a family has come later for them. Some of them have toddlers/babies now and I think they envy the fact that we have older teens and have a lot more freedom than they do! But they had that freedom in their late 20s while DH and I were up to our elbows in nappies and sleepless nights and having to get babysitters if we wanted to go anywhere. We’ve just done it the other way around.

This was my thought as well.

I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 17, we got married when we were 25. We still did loads of things independently (gap year travels, working abroad etc.) I'm 37 and he's still the love of my life. I think we have changed somewhat over the years, but I think we've sort of grown together. We also waited till our early thirties to have a child as we were travelling and doing other things. Overall, if I knew you, I'd not think a lot, but would just be pleased you were happy.

I think you're very lucky to have had so many years of happiness together (assuming you are!). I guess there's an element of have you missed out but if you don't feel like you settled than I think you haven't missed out really!