I've been with my husband since I was 16. I want to know what people really think?

[OrchidArcade]

Just that really. I always feel a bit embarrassed saying it, if it comes up in conversation. I'm sure people don't voice their inner thoughts such as 'how have you only ever had sex with one person' as an example. I guess this is a.sort of AMA slash what are you really thinking thread;

I'm the same (he was 18) and it doesn't embarrass me, why would it? We're very happy and I'd feel sorry for anyone who felt sad for us.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.
Funny enough the people who told me I moved too fast with my hubby we're also my unhappy single friends (we moved in together at 8 weeks, happily married many years on) They loved to tell me how it wouldn't last and how heartbroken I would be etc. misery loves company I guess.

You’re wondering what people think OP?

When I hear about a couple getting married in their early 20s having met in their teens, I’ll be honest I think they’re being a bit over optimistic because people change so much in that decade between 16 and 26 in my opinion, and there’s a strong chance they’ll split up.

But if I meet a couple who are 30+ and genuinely happily married to their teenage boy/girlfriend, then I’m actually a bit envious of them. I often think of all the things I could have achieved if I hadn’t had to waste time, energy and angst on numerous pointless relationships in my 20s.

Totally agree.

I agree. It’s when you learn about and shape yourself. You’re not attached to, defined by or influenced by another person. And a slightly older man at that age would have been a big ‘influence’.

It was mostly DH being told to play the field by his mates and similar aged family members - all divorced having married mid 30s or still single in late 40s.

I think there happy though just not settled down - some have exciting lives some very boring.

I think it's lovely, I have friends who met at school who are still together and wildly happy. They haven't missed out, they just experienced different things growing up together and have those wonderful memories to look back on together. I do think it doesn't work for everyone, people change a lot between their teens and 30s, but if you're with someone who loves you for you, supports who you are and you aren't controlled so can pursue hobbies you enjoy etc then you just grow and adapt together.

I think it's very special personally OP, I had the opposite growing up ie lots of short term partners and made the most of being young free and single in a way I enjoyed; but I feel I missed out in some ways, I'd have loved to have known DH back then and experienced life to this point with him. Positives and minuses to whatever I think, I don't think it's the case that dating around helps you figure out who you like etc either.

I know 2 people who met their husband at about 17. I just think that would have been nice as I enjoyed life most after meeting my husband. I don't have fond memories of dating crappy people or being single before meeting my lovely husband. Unfortunately he died after 20 years together and I'm single again. I much preferred being with him.

One of my old schoolfriends has been with her husband since around that age - we're 54 now. (Married the same summer I did, at nearly 24.) There's someone on the reunion facebook group who is the same.

Having sex with different people isn't necessary for happiness.

As I’ve said it’s a nice idea, but I know it wouldn’t have worked for me, because I’m such a different person now at 55 to how I was at 15. I’ve been with DP for 7 years and we’re very similar in what we like, our outlook on life etc. But from how he describes himself, if we’d known each other 40 years ago I’d have thought he was dull and limited, and he’d have thought I was reckless and stupid!

There's nothing wrong with it, it used to be pretty much the norm.

We in 6th form, dated until uni, split up for pragmatic reasons and realised after dating other people for a few months we just were happier together.

Lived together at 22, married at 30, still happy together mid 50s.

I may have missed out on shagging around with random people, but I don't feel the lack.

The happiest people I know are those with their first boyfriend/girlfriend. They have never had their heart broken and don’t believe the grass is greener. It gives a security and sense of belonging. So yes, I’d think it was lovely/you’re very lucky.

Problem is everyone thinks 18 year olds are too silly to know what they want. Whatever is it. They don’t like the success stories but who likes to admit they where wrong.

Relationship will fail or succeed if the two people are right for each other no matter if they start dating at 16 or 36. Nobody tells a 36 year old who then divorces at 46 that it was because they were too young and silly to be getting married and settling down but it had the same outcome.

I’m always of the opinion that if someone is happy then nothing else matters. Your ages when you first got together don’t matter as long as you are truly happy and not just saying that because it’s all you’ve ever known.

If it works for you, what's the problem? My parents got married when they were 25 and 26, had been a couple for 3 years. They were together for a total of 53 years and there was never anyone else for either of them.

I’d be uncomfortable with you getting together at the ages you were, friends and colleagues that I have known that got together when she was a child (15&20, 16&20, 16&19, 16&19) and he was an adult, the men were very controlling but not in an obvious way. When my daughter was 14/15 I had a conversation with her about older boyfriends, 18-20 ish and basically said that there is a certain man (not all) that look for relationships with young girls and you have to ask yourself why aren’t they dating their peers. That said I don’t know you or your husband, you asked what we are really thinking so feel free to scroll past my comment.

I would think you have missed out on some very valuable life experiences (not so much the shagging) and I would probably think you grew old before your time. It’s very important in my opinion to have experienced breakups for example, just so you know what it’s like and that doesn’t have to be so unbearably gruesome as it’s played out in movies. If you haven’t ever gone through that it’s so hard to leave a marriage you’re in.

I really value having all the fun memories with all the weird dates, having experienced butterflies in my stomach over and over again, having lived on my own, learning to depend only on myself etc. i was married for 20 years but am back on my own again and it’s just how it was when I was in my 20’s.

I'm in my 30s and met my husband at 18, I've only been with him. He has a gf before me though.

I'm never really thought about it tbh!

I would think you are very lucky. I never had a high school romance or anything like that. I'm approaching my mid 20's and I don't really have much luck dating so I don't really have much experience. I would have loved to have met someone young but I've known since I was a pre-teen that this was not going to be easy for me

I’ve been with DH since we were 18, although we did take a year break in our early twenties, although we stayed in contact, as I was panicked as he was my first bf/sex/everything and that I thought I couldn’t marry the first boy I dated. There is truth in the saying if it’s meant to be it will be. I don’t regret it as such but if I could go back I wouldn’t take the break, even though it all ended up where it should in hindsight I didn’t need to date or sleep with others to know he was the one. Being only mid thirties we still have, hopefully, a long way to go, but life is fantastic, I love that we have so many experiences together, we grew into adults together and I feel genuinely lucky that our relationship happened how it has.

Well it depends really, but in general I feel quite sad for someone who has only ever known what it's like to be with someone as an adult and has never experienced independence (without a partner).

This could be tainted by the fact that I have three cousins who have all married the first man they were ever with - they seem to be happy but the men are about as interesting as a block of cement and my cousins seem to use family get togethers as a way to get away from them.

Having said that, I know there will be people who have met young, grown together and changed together and still love each other passionately. I just know that would not have been me with the first man I ever took home to my family (as my family called him "handsome Dr Dull").

I've been with my DH since I was 16, married at 26, so very similar to you OP. We're both 33 now with 2 young kids. It never occurred to me that anyone would even have an opinion on it really 🤷

Fwiw he's not the first or only person I've been with sexually so maybe that's the difference 🤔🤷

Lovely to hear of so many lasting happy relationships.

Thanks for all the honest answers as well.

I think now I'm in my 30s 16 and 20 sounds like a bigger age gap than it did at the time. Most of my friends like myself were hanging out with guys in their 20s at parties and many had relationships too. Having your boyfriend come and collect you from school felt cool at the time (cringe)!

I think it's weird when thinking about people that were in my school year. A bit boring and sheltered.

But then my parents were like this and have been married 40years and I think it's nice. So I don't know why I have the difference in opinion. Maybe it is an age thing.

@Curiosity101 I think having previous sexual partners does take the question of what are you missing out on away