My apologies for the length but trying to paint the picture.
DS is 14 and very slim and whilst I appreciate most teenage boys are walking dustbins I just feel that his eating and drinking is getting out of control and his ability not to help himself to things that he's been told not to touch are none existent and its becoming a huge bone of contention.
He refuses to eat breakfast in the morning and often won’t get up in enough time to eat it anyway. I generally make him a packed lunch for school because school lunches were becoming far too expensive to budget for and he moaned about the ques, his friends I believe also take a packed lunch so hes not the odd one out. Recently he has either been forgetting to take his lunch and then going to the canteen when he knows there is no money on his lunch card or taking it and still going spending money in the canteen on extras and drinks because he never takes his with him. The first I knew of this was when the school contacted me to pay off the debt he had accrued on his card. I explained to him at the time that he can’t be forgetting or choosing not to take his lunch in then going and racking up debts on his empty card because I can’t afford to be hit with unexpected bills so he needs to be more organised. I paid off the debt only for the following week to be hit with another debt, needless to say given our previous discussion I was not happy. Again I told him it needs to stop and have gone as far as leaving his lunch by his bag before I go to work (I leave before he does) but again have been hit with debt if only for drinks. The drinks he buys at school are bottles of flavoured water at over £1 per bottle, I can buy 4 for that price at Aldi so opted to go buy in some bottled drinks for school, I also bought in a load of large bottles of drink for home including the same drink as in the smaller bottles for school. I told him categorically that they were for school because I wasn’t keep paying debts for school drinks which cost 4x the price when we are on a budget. Despite this only an hour later he helped himself to one, when I realised I told him I was not impressed he knows they are for school and there is plenty of other drinks in the fridge. Despite this he later helped himself to another then during the night another one leaving just one left. He says ‘ok’ and ‘sorry’ but then just keeps on doing it! It sounds trivial in this context but is just the tip of the iceburg and was the straw this week that broke the camels back and yesterday morning I put a lock on the fridge so that he can’t get in it when I’m not home or overnight, and put his lunch and a flask of cordial on his bag before leaving the house, he gets home before me and I came home to find he has thrown a huge strop after school when realising he can’t access the fridge that he has somehow managed to completely snap / break / cut through the thick wire cable fridge lock and smashed a chunk of plaster off the wall in the process, before then helping himself to the final bottle of drink he’s been told not too touch when there was loads of other drinks in there! god knows how he hasn’t bust the fridge. There were snacks in the cupboards and cordial to drink so waiting an hour for anything else wouldn’t have killed him.
For context of other things: I’m not much of a drinker but do like the very occasional can of cider as a treat, the problem is once the box is opened he sees this as fair game and helps himself to these too even though he knows its alcohol and not for him, he will put the empty cans back so it looks like none are missing until I get halfway through and realise several are empty so I clearly can’t even have these in now. I’ll buy things for lunches such as cocktail sausages, at a handful a day there is a weeks worth but by the next day the whole box will be gone even though he knows they are for lunches and off limits for just eating. I’ll buy plenty of snacks for the week but in less that 48 hours its almost all gone because he just can’t seem to stop himself once he starts or eat a sensible portion, sometimes I’ll buy a couple of bits that are just for me because I don’t get a look in at most things and even knowing that he’ll eat my bits if he has ran out, if I try hide them he will literally search until he finds them. 18 packets of crisps can be gone in 3 days as can a box of 16 chocolate cupcakes. He will have snacks (crisps / cakes / biscuits) and a sandwich / toast or a pastie or something after school but before tea / dinner (before I get home), He then gets a large portion of food, then he’ll be snacking again not long after and often sneaks down during the night and helps himself to more when he’s been told no more because he’s already had more than enough. One night he ate a full pack of sliced chicken breast pieces that were for the next days lunches for us both.
I’m a single parent on a tight budget, his dad isn’t in the picture and I get no maintenance. I can’t really afford to keep replacing the stuff he’s eaten but have too try because otherwise he’d have nothing for lunch because he eats his lunch stuff for extra snacks after school or when hes eaten all the good stuff and then just racks up debts at school. I’m at my wits end with it all and at never getting a look in at anything before it is gone. The constant arguing over his greediness and lack of thought about leaving any for me is really starting to wear me down. He’s been told its not just about the food but the lack of respect he is showing helping himself to things he knows aren’t his or that he’s been told ‘no’ too.
So would I be unreasonable to put a lock on the internal kitchen door and only give him a front door key (he goes through the back at present) to physically prevent him accessing the kitchen when I am not there or overnight?
If you think I am being unreasonable can you suggest other ways of tackling this because I am at a loss.
post edited by MNHQ as it contained a word we don't allow on the boards.