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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

449 replies

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:28

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Sissynova · 04/05/2023 14:29

Her opinion is more important than strangers surely?

Guiltridden12345 · 04/05/2023 14:30

Err I wouldn’t pay my mum? Normally it’s the route people use to save money?

Liorae · 04/05/2023 14:30

I'd ask her what her rate is, as I would with any child minder.

Ponoka7 · 04/05/2023 14:30

Does she want paying? The issue with using family is that you can't claim it back. I do childcare for free, so do other family members. Offer her it as a weekly, rather than hourly. What's her income? Would £30 a week be a good top up for her?

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:31

Yeah she wants paying, she wouldn't do it otherwise

OP posts:
KateyCuckoo · 04/05/2023 14:33

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:31

Yeah she wants paying, she wouldn't do it otherwise

Wow

DucksNewburyport · 04/05/2023 14:33

I would look into childcare options around you and see how much that would cost. Then maybe offer half that? So you're both benefiting?

Comefromaway · 04/05/2023 14:34

Where I live a childminder costs between £3.60 and £4.75 per hour.

Now your mum isn't a childcare professional and you can't claim childcare costs etc so I would expect a close family member to do it for less. Maybe £2-£2.50 per hour?

Wellhellother · 04/05/2023 14:34

I would be using formal childcare instead of paying my mum. I would cover her expenses e.g fuel and if she took the kids out for lunch etc but I wouldn't be paying more.
If you are going to be paying anyway, I would much rather use formal childcare, claim the 20% top up, and not have to deal with any awkwardness

Comefromaway · 04/05/2023 14:34

That is per child though.

pinksquash13 · 04/05/2023 14:36

How many hours will she be minding your children each week?

shivawn · 04/05/2023 14:37

Ah. I made a thread like this around 2 years ago and got flamed by 40% of posters berating me for burdening my mum with my child (nevermind that she was insisting and I was asking for a reasonable amount to pay), 40% saying it was rediculous to pay family and maybe 20% gave reasonable answers.

Tessisme · 04/05/2023 14:38

A granny who wants paid to look after her grandchildren? How is that of any help to you unless you pay her in buttons?

Skybluepinky · 04/05/2023 14:39

Ask her.

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 14:40

It’s normal to pay your mum, mine wanted paying too to have my children she wouldn’t do it for free and told me all her friends children pay

thing47 · 04/05/2023 14:41

Wellhellother · 04/05/2023 14:34

I would be using formal childcare instead of paying my mum. I would cover her expenses e.g fuel and if she took the kids out for lunch etc but I wouldn't be paying more.
If you are going to be paying anyway, I would much rather use formal childcare, claim the 20% top up, and not have to deal with any awkwardness

Agree with this. I would rather pay more and use a qualified and professional childminder than a mother who was so grudging over doing it that they wanted paying. Also she's not really 'helping out' is she? She's undertaking a piece of paid work 😀

SunnySaturdayMorning · 04/05/2023 14:42

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:31

Yeah she wants paying, she wouldn't do it otherwise

Then I would use proper childcare because this arrangement is going to get messy fast.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 04/05/2023 14:42

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 14:40

It’s normal to pay your mum, mine wanted paying too to have my children she wouldn’t do it for free and told me all her friends children pay

No, it’s not normal.

Sissynova · 04/05/2023 14:43

Tessisme · 04/05/2023 14:38

A granny who wants paid to look after her grandchildren? How is that of any help to you unless you pay her in buttons?

How does it not help the OP? She can leave her children with presumably someone she thinks is reliable and had she trusts. It’s probably much easier if the OP works shifts or anything outside of normal nursery hours.
There are many benefits.

Sunflowerstitch · 04/05/2023 14:43

Comefromaway · 04/05/2023 14:34

Where I live a childminder costs between £3.60 and £4.75 per hour.

Now your mum isn't a childcare professional and you can't claim childcare costs etc so I would expect a close family member to do it for less. Maybe £2-£2.50 per hour?

A childminder has multiple children though. Offering to pay £2 an hour is insulting.
Op I think you’re going to have to ask what she is expecting

SleazyLizzard · 04/05/2023 14:43

Half of your net earnings for that day.

Guiltridden12345 · 04/05/2023 14:43

It’s so sad that grandparents want paying to look after their grandchildren. I have never heard this in my 13/14 years of being a parent. I’d go with a pp and go for formal childcare - you’ll get expert care and less hassle for (possible) slightly more cost.

VainAbigail · 04/05/2023 14:43

How long is “a few hours”? Is it a 12hr shift?

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 04/05/2023 14:46

The idea of paying your mother to watch your children is absolutely insane to me.

Price up local child minders, and then ask her how much she'd like. If it's around the same I would choose the childminder route, as then I would be able to use tax free childcare/funded hours when eligible.

I wouldn't be paying the same as I would a child minder that's for sure.

Beezknees · 04/05/2023 14:49

Do you have a partner?

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