What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

[Buddythecat1]

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

Is she incurring any costs for doing it eg petrol?

If so I’d reimburse her for that and then offer £10 day.

I know that’s not a lot for doing 4 hours of childcare but If she’s unemployed £10 a day is a lot more than she’d normally be getting but it also doesn’t break the bank for you.

Someone I know wanted their mum to look after their kids and so cooked her dinner and did her laundry for her which the mum was very happy about.

Why do so many women not consider looking after their child work? Why should the mother do this for free?

Well that's up to you and your mum really, many grandparents offer free help as it helps save their children money in nursery fees.

My parents look after our toddler full time and do the school run with our other 2 children. I pay their petrol money for running about, not that much really about £15-£20 a week (I usually just send them a sum every couple of months so it isn't precise), it's only a couple of miles but I don't want them to be out of pocket when they are retired and don't have a lot. If they take our kids anywhere I'll offer to pay for that too. I don't give them anything for actually just looking after our children though, we operate a pay it forward thing my grandparents looked after my siblings and I loads for our parents (for free) and if I have grandkids I'd do the same for them too (assuming I get to retire one day!).

I agree it's low. In our area it's around £10ph. You must live in quite a wealthy place. People were mentioning £3.75ph for professional childminders so I'm guessing not all areas have the same financial levels. £5ph is not a wage, of course, but she is family. If she cares for the children 3 days a week and ends up with an extra £100 cash in hand, that might make it worth her while and not eat so far into OP's income that there's no point in working.

My mother in law kindly offered to give her morning cleaning job up and have my child pretty much full time we have had to compensate the wages she lost but my daughter absolutely adores her grandma we save money and have a reliable childcare option that we trust. In truth I was a bit put out at the idea of paying but why should she give her money up and her freedom up for me to earn money.

As you have 4 kids I’d probably offer her £20 a day actually as that’s £5 per child/ £5 per hour.

Perhaps offer the £10 a day and then she what she says first.

I thought you were a single parent until you mentioned your DP.

So he'll be paying half? That makes it slightly more affordable though still not ideal.

At £20 per day for five days a week, that’s £100 per week. OP said that the job would mean she takes home £500 per month, so by the time she’s paid her mother, she’d end up with £100 at the end of the month. Doesn’t really seem worth it. Or have I misunderstood…?

He would be the one actually paying her as he will earn more than I do but he grudges it. As his dad would do it for free but lives an hour away and doesn't drive (needed for 7.45am)
His mum would also do it for free but is currently going through cancer treatment

I think I'll just stay at home even though it absolutely wrecks my mental health but he will earn more than me 🤷‍♀️

So if you say that that £5 is low and you pay £10 an hour … why say going rate is half that?

If the Gran is on question is on a basic pension she may not be able afford the cost of feeding the children lunch and snacks or the cost of taking them out. Some people have to ration bread etc, not everyone is rolling in it.

I read this and think it's sad that your mum will only do this for money. To answer your question, maybe ask her? Since you are earning minimum wage, then paying tax (and possibly travel) I would think you couldn't afford more than half minimum wage hourly, so maybe offer that or a bit less?

You probably aren't talking about me but my mum wouldn't be giving them any food, nor would she be expected to pay for any food
She also wouldn't take baby out to doft play or anything like that, so other than petrol to get to our school, the school is about a 7 minute walk, she only needs to drop them off

@Buddythecat1 no idea why you just go for the dramatic option of ‘oh I’ll just not work then!’

I'm not trying to be dramatic, I genuinely was so excited at the prospect of being able to afford more food by us both working
But thr child minder is going to charge £305 a week, that's really unaffordable for us
I am only getting £500 a month, would also have to find an option for the dog.
I just feel sad and gutted now

If your mother simply 'watches' the children, don't pay a penny. If I watch a film or watch the world go by from window, I don't get paid. Nor should I.

If, however, your mother looks after your children, keeping them safe, fed & watered, entertained, cleaned up as & when ... all that stuff, then take an average of the sums you are being indicated on this thread and offer that.

Yes it is a lot which is why I’d offer £10 a day first.

But OP will be getting £500 a month but her DH would be making a lot more of he’s working FT.

OP said she’d also be working 40 hours next week so I don’t know if that’s an ongoing thing or not.

I think grandparents should babysit for free if they’re available but doing childcare is completely different.

I would not look after anyone’s child for 4.5 hours everyday without payment as that is a proper job and it means you are tied for that time period.

Are you doing 12 hours or 40 hours a week?

It sounds like she doesn't want to do it sorry.

My sister used to pay my mum £30 a day for two kids, 9 hours a day. It basically covered food and activities. I imagine she'd want at least £20 a day but that would eat into your income a lot.

If you're on minimum wage, use UC to claim childcare. I don't think there's anything wrong with your mum asking to be paid for it but since you aren't close and she shows minimal interest in the children, I wouldn't do it when you have UC as an option.

Nothing. I used to treat my parents and my in-laws in other ways, such as taking them out for a meal or away for a weekend though.

I will be working the next 5 days bring trained up, taking off time for breaks, it'll be 43 hours
But I'm contracted to 12

I thought the whole point of the post was that your mother was looking after them?? So what is the relevance of the childminder?

That's a significant commitment for your mum, although she would mostly only have one child. So she has to take 4 of them to school, then take one back home for 3.5 hours. I think I'd offer somewhere around £20 - £30 a day, presuming that to include food for one child.

Well other people have put it in my head that it's quite a long time that I'd need my mum for, that I'm eating in to a lot of time, it's a big arrangement because I'd also need her through the summer holidays and if she decided one day she cba, I would be screwed