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Original poster

What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

449 replies

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:28

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

OP posts:
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5
ThomasinaLivesHere · 04/05/2023 15:34

If you’re worried about offending her then just ask her what she expects and then explain what you’ll be making if she goes too high and hopefully she’ll see it isn’t good for you. It’s strange she’s mentioned she wants paid but didn’t say how much.

Happyhappyday · 04/05/2023 15:38

My parents just do ad hoc childcare for us, but we don’t pay them, my mum tried to give me £5 for the ikea napkins when she dropped off DD yesterday 🤦🏼‍♀️. I’d ask her though what she felt like was reasonable.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2023 15:38

Reugny · 04/05/2023 15:25

You can get anyone to be a babysitter for your children and pay them.

Show quote history

If it's more than 2 hours a week as a regular arrangement, they have to be Ofsted registered, the exception being close relatives.

Even a close relative would need to register to pay tax if they earn over 1000 pounds a year from the babysitting

Idontgiveashitanymore · 04/05/2023 15:39

I’m a grandma but still have to work , yes she should be paid.

Kindofcrunchy · 04/05/2023 15:40

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 14:40

It’s normal to pay your mum, mine wanted paying too to have my children she wouldn’t do it for free and told me all her friends children pay

It's not normal surely? My parents do loads of childcare for free because they love my son. I just don't take the piss!

PurplePlayhouse · 04/05/2023 15:41

By law, you can't register as a childminder solely for close family (neices/nephews/grandchildren) so, no, the Mum doesn't need to be a childminder with all of the training and insurance that goes with it.

By law, you are allowed to pay close family to care for your child in your home or theirs.

snowandshowers · 04/05/2023 15:42

Gosh I would never have dreamed of asking to be paid to look after my grand children. I had all 3 of them 5 days a week until school and I still now collect them from school and have them in the school holidays.

SplendidUtterly · 04/05/2023 15:42

Don't ever tell your children that you had to pay grandma to look after them when they were little. I was told this and felt quite hurt by it to be honest. She was retired at the time and had know other commitments or financial worries yet still wanted money from mum to look after her grandchild for a measly 4 hours a week.

snowandshowers · 04/05/2023 15:43

Also if you pay your mum she should declare this for tax.

CupEmpty · 04/05/2023 15:43

@snowandshowers that was/ is incredible of you and I hope your so / daughter appreciates you. They are very lucky.

FourTeaFallOut · 04/05/2023 15:46

SplendidUtterly · 04/05/2023 15:42

Don't ever tell your children that you had to pay grandma to look after them when they were little. I was told this and felt quite hurt by it to be honest. She was retired at the time and had know other commitments or financial worries yet still wanted money from mum to look after her grandchild for a measly 4 hours a week.

Well 4 hours is miserable but I think it's a different undertaking *if" the op's dm is being asked to mirror her entire working week.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 04/05/2023 15:47

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 14:40

It’s normal to pay your mum, mine wanted paying too to have my children she wouldn’t do it for free and told me all her friends children pay

It really isn’t.

blisstwins · 04/05/2023 15:47

KateyCuckoo · 04/05/2023 14:33

Wow

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Maybe she needs the $

Toomanylatenightprogs · 04/05/2023 15:48

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 14:40

It’s normal to pay your mum, mine wanted paying too to have my children she wouldn’t do it for free and told me all her friends children pay

What???? I’m gobsmacked. Can’t imagine being paid or expect to be paid for looking after my own grandchildren.

Piony · 04/05/2023 15:48

We can't tell you what your mum will be offended by. Anything less than NMW, or what a local childcare provider would charge for all of them, risks causing offence. She needs to give you a figure really.

Underpaying her won't work out long term, it'll build resentment and then break down.

Do look at childcare element of UC.

DancingQueen2019 · 04/05/2023 15:49

Everyone is very judgy on this thread. Some grandparents want to be paid, some dont. Some want to look after their grandchildren, some dont have the time/live near enough. Some plainly dont want to. Everyone is different.

Fwiw when my son was little, I did give my DM and DMIL token £10 a day for looking after my son, as I was very grateful for their assistance in saving on nursery fees. That equated to roughly £80 a month for both of them - £160 a month for me.
Also, do take into account your DM's fitness/health/location. Although I did start with Grandparents assistance, which I was very grateful for, it did only last around 6 months due to distance between one grandparent so it was logistically difficult and health of another grandparent.
Tbh by the end, again although grateful for the help (!!) it was a relief to drop my son to nursery everyday who were a bit more reliable than one person. (potentially being last minute not up to looking after him)

BatildaB · 04/05/2023 15:54

Seeing as lots of older people are struggling with cost of living, and many younger women with finding affordable childcare, it’s surprising so many people are opposed to some family rates childminding! I don’t think it shows a lack of love at all, just needs careful working out and regular check ins that no resentment or problems are building.

That said, no idea what you should offer!

Bigboysmademedoit · 04/05/2023 15:54

I paid a relative. I looked at what I would pay a ‘professional’ and then what Tax Credits etc I could claim back by going to a registered childminder and capped it at that. It didn’t seem much but if she wanted more she would have had to become registered and declare her income - I couldn’t pay more than I would a registered childminder. The plus for me was I didn’t have to find large sums and then claim back and she was brilliant with all my kids and had flexibility as they were her DNs. I can’t understand why people don’t pay relatives - they’re providing a service.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 04/05/2023 15:55

CovertImage · 04/05/2023 15:33

The idea of paying your mother to watch your children is absolutely insane to me

Is it always "insane" under any circumstance in your black and white little world

My sister was going to pay our mum to watch her baby (sadly it didn't happen) because she was giving up work to do it. Older women aren't family mugs you know.

Yeah, it is always insane in my black and white little world.

If my mum didn't want to help out with my children she would simply...not do it. Not try and make a quick buck out of them.

Surely the only benefits of having family watch your children are a) saving money and b) so that they get to spend time with someone close to them? Someone needing to get paid to spend time with them would take the shine off a little.

Luckygreenduck · 04/05/2023 15:56

I think you need to ask her as you don't know if she wants paying similar to what she could earn or just a bit of help.
Looking after a child even 1 day a week can come with quite a lot of expense so maybe she just wants to not be out of pocket and able to take them out. £20 a day might let her take her to a soft play and get lunch etc.

Anotherusernameagainitseems · 04/05/2023 16:01

If your mum is giving up work she would need a decent amount. If your mum is generally a bit short she might need the money to buy crafts and snacks and take them on outings. If your mum is comfortably off then only a token amount.

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 16:03

When people say they don't pay does that cover food etc? As its not going to cost nothing they will need to feed the child as well

Hankunamatata · 04/05/2023 16:03

Supposed depends how many hours she is having them a week, age, is she giving up work, is she short of money

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 04/05/2023 16:05

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 16:03

When people say they don't pay does that cover food etc? As its not going to cost nothing they will need to feed the child as well

I used to send a packed lunch.

Boltonb · 04/05/2023 16:09

SunnySaturdayMorning · 04/05/2023 14:42

No, it’s not normal.

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It’s not normal in my experience. But if she wants paying, tell her to register as a childminder.

Or pay her half of what child minders cost, maximum.

If you’re paying, and you’re the customer,
you decide on the service. A granny who may or may not be fit enough to offer 100% service isn’t worth 100% pay. Especially when she won’t be insured/registered etc

Cheeky woman