What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

[Buddythecat1]

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

My childminder charges £4 per child per hour if that helps

I look after my granddaughter 1 day a week. I offered and do not want paying! DD gives me money if I take her somewhere like soft play, but that’s all I’d expect. My DD is very well paid, so this isn't about her saving money. For a parent on a low income, I find it pretty awful for their parent to ask to be paid.
However, I offered, I was semi retired and I know it would be the perfect way to ensure I spent time with my grandchildren at least once a week.

This is the norm with my friends who also do some childcare.

Absolutely. So sad that families don't want to help each other out without conditions nowadays. When I was a kid my grandparents looked after me whenever they could, out of love not money, my mum did the same and so will I if I have grandchildren in future.

Are you allowed to pay her? I seem to remember when my DS was small there was some issue how you couldn't pay non-professional carers to do childcare, even a box of biscuits or similar. I think it was a tax implication thing. https://www.ncchomelearning.co.uk/blog/paying-grandparents-for-childcare-uk/

And presumably if your dad gave you a lift you’d ask what his rate was, as you would with any taxi driver.

She’s your mum. I’d expect to pay a small token as a thank you if she offered, and to find proper paid for childcare if she doesn’t actually want to do it. I mean she’s wanting paid like professional childcare but will she be providing all the services that proper childcare will? Enriching activities, properly planned and observed developmental records, health and safety procedures, meals that meet nutritional standards?

Totally irrelevant!
Maybe OPs mum would be reducing paid employment to do the childcare and needs the money. Not everyone can or wants to give up a significant portion of their week working for no income.

If you are getting Universal Credit you may be better off with professional childcare as you could get some of it paid but won't with your mum. And the same when the 30 free hours kicks in as you won't be able to claim that funding for your mum. It's a tricky one. The other issue is the legality of paying her if she is not caring for your child in your house. If someone reports you then you could end up in a whole heap of bother. Hopefully nobody would but it is the risk you are taking as well as if you are not paying your mum minimum wage.

I'd avoid potential problems and family strife by using a proper childminder, personally.
I doubt any financial arrangement with your mum would even be legal.

There are no legal issues with paying an unregistered close family member for childcare. The issues are when it is a more distant relative or a friend.

Personally I wouldn't go down the road of paying a parent for childcare - it's going to get really messy, really quickly.

Since you're on minimum wage you need to work out what you can afford to start with. All fair and good to those posters saying child minders are £4 a child, but for 2 kids thats £8 an hour when OP is only earning £10.42 an hour and likely needs transport to and from. If you get UC I'd have a look at what help you can get with childcare and use that instead of your mum.

I paid my Mum for a while but that was because she was self-employed and gave up a day's worth of clients to help me out. She couldn't afford to do it otherwise and I paid her less than she otherwise would have earned. I can't remember how much because it was over ten years ago now.

When my grandchildren were little I cared for them a day each week to help my daughter. Now they are older I do school runs, take them to other activities after school or at weekends, sometimes cook the family meals, give them tea and do bedtime. My DD has never paid me but we have a give and take arrangement - she has my dog to stay when I am out for a day or on holiday. Works well and we are both happy ……

Who's to say what's normal and what's not? Some people pay their parents for childcare, others don't. Both scenarios are normal. If my mum had my children for the odd day, I don't think she'd want me to pay. If we had a regular arrangement, I. E. My mum having my children for 3 full days a week then yes, I'd want to pay her. She'd be giving up 3 days of her time to mind my children. I'd feel much more comfortable if I paid her. I would expect to pay her less than a professional child minder though but if others pay their parents the going rate that's also fine. All situations are different.

If you get Uc you’re better off finding ofsted registered childcare and claiming childcare costs.
you can’t do that with paid childcare to grandparents/ family unless they are ofsted registered.

As an example, I pay £535.50 in childcare. UC pays £470. So I have to pay £65 per month out my own pocket.
Paying your mom would be £30-£50 per week if she wants paying? So you’ll be forking out over £100-200 per month and not be able to claim anything back.

To those that say grandparents shouldn’t want paying. I used to pay my mom £20 a day. It wasn’t a lot but helped with her expenses when she could have been put doing something else. Once 30 hours kicked in this stopped.

This is a good point.

OP what can you offer your DM in return for looking after your children?

If you pay her, technically this makes her an employee: she should have qualifications, she needs first aid training, you probably need insurance to have her on the property etc etc.

I'd really consider whether this is the best option for you all

Not correct

If I'm not correct then I apologise - can you share the correct info though to enlighten us please?

If you go ahead with your mum (whether you pay her or not) don’t forget you can sign HMRC forms to confirm to them she’s looking after your child - it means she gets a qualifying year of National Insurance years for her state pension.

it’s something free you can do that will give her a monetary benefit when she retires (if she’s not already doing any paid work in the same tax year and doesn’t already have the max qualifying years she needs to get the full state pension).

I think you need to ask your mum how much she is expecting and take it from there.

I tend to agree with others that parents charging to look after your children is a bit off, however, we don’t know your mums circumstances so it’s hard to say in this scenario.

when you know how much it is you can make a decision, if she says ah £10 a week would be great so she can treat herself to a coffee and cake, fair enough, if she wants paying a particularly amount closer to a wage then you need to look at if it is worth it. As others have said you might be better getting a childminder and trying to claim towards it.

You can get anyone to be a babysitter for your children and pay them.

Are you asking her to do the whole forty hours per week? Did she suggest this arrangement in which she does the childcare for payment, or did you?

Jeez. That's sad.

I'd ask her what she's expecting and go from there

The idea of paying your mother to watch your children is absolutely insane to me

Is it always "insane" under any circumstance in your black and white little world

My sister was going to pay our mum to watch her baby (sadly it didn't happen) because she was giving up work to do it. Older women aren't family mugs you know.