Page 5 | What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

Buddythecat1 · 2023-05-04T13:28:26+00:00

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work, Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week) How much would you offer?

Violet90 · 04/05/2023 16:35

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:30

Op what is your relationship like with your mother?

That’s irrelevant to the post, she wouldn’t be asking her Mum, if they had a poor relationship.

SparkyBlue · 04/05/2023 16:36

I've known several people who pay their mum or mil to childmind. One acquaintances mum gave up her job to childmind for her grandchildren so why wouldn't she be paid. It's better than the grandparents feeling unappreciated.

greyhairnomore · 04/05/2023 16:36

Info

What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

Original poster

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:37

Admittedly I don't feel all that close to my mum, I'm not suddenly expecting her to do free childcare
Her relationship with my children seem okay, she has minimal interest in them I'm gonna be honest

OP posts:

DancingQueen2019 · 04/05/2023 16:37

@Irritateandunreasonable too blooming right she was not asking for opinions on this, I have no idea why its such a touchy subject !

Original poster

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:38

In fact, if I said to my mum "I ain't going to pay, I'm on min wage myself" she wouldn't do it

OP posts:

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 16:38

Violet90 · 04/05/2023 16:35

That’s irrelevant to the post, she wouldn’t be asking her Mum, if they had a poor relationship.

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And why assume they have a bad relationship because she wants paying the op has 4 kids not 1 that is a lot to look after regularly

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:39

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:38

In fact, if I said to my mum "I ain't going to pay, I'm on min wage myself" she wouldn't do it

You clearly have a poor relationship with your mother op
this will be a shit show I suspect if you proceed with this arrangement

RoseRobot · 04/05/2023 16:40

The people who think it's insane to pay a grandmother are really off. Why should women work for free? It's not ad hoc babysitting. This is a regular gig where she has to be up and ready on given days, focused throughout the day on caring for a child, and can't change her mind if a friend invites her out. It's work. I wouldn't work for a relative for free. I might do one day a week for grandchildren for a specific time period - maybe six months, but to be on call almost every week of the year in retirement and to be paid peanuts.

Do people really think grandparents should give up half their lives out of love? I do know a few who did. I was very jealous of the mums I knew who took them for granted. My mum babysat about six times in their entire lives, and even then she tried to wriggle out of it.

OP, you are a good person to understand that this is work and she deserves to be paid for it. Personally, I'd offer babysitting rates which is about £5ph. That seems fair for an unqualified childminder, caring one-to-one. If you have a partner, they should pay half. The childcare always seems to come out of the woman's wage, leaving her with nothing. Don't make this mistake.

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:40

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 16:38

And why assume they have a bad relationship because she wants paying the op has 4 kids not 1 that is a lot to look after regularly

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Read the OP’s posts

love or fondness for her mother doesn’t exactly permeate

and zero mention re how she gets on with her grandchildren

DancingQueen2019 · 04/05/2023 16:41

@Buddythecat1 I am all for grandparents helping and equally paying them for the help, but if she shows minimal interest in the children isnt it better maybe paying for wraparound childcare where they will get interaction.

My son loves his after school club, he goes from 3.30 - 6 and its £9.50 a day. He gets attention from all the adults and plays with all of his friends.

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 16:41

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:40

Read the OP’s posts

love or fondness for her mother doesn’t exactly permeate

and zero mention re how she gets on with her grandchildren

Show quote history

Again not relevant if op doesn't trust her mum why is she considering this?!

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:43

RoseRobot · 04/05/2023 16:40

The people who think it's insane to pay a grandmother are really off. Why should women work for free? It's not ad hoc babysitting. This is a regular gig where she has to be up and ready on given days, focused throughout the day on caring for a child, and can't change her mind if a friend invites her out. It's work. I wouldn't work for a relative for free. I might do one day a week for grandchildren for a specific time period - maybe six months, but to be on call almost every week of the year in retirement and to be paid peanuts.

Do people really think grandparents should give up half their lives out of love? I do know a few who did. I was very jealous of the mums I knew who took them for granted. My mum babysat about six times in their entire lives, and even then she tried to wriggle out of it.

OP, you are a good person to understand that this is work and she deserves to be paid for it. Personally, I'd offer babysitting rates which is about £5ph. That seems fair for an unqualified childminder, caring one-to-one. If you have a partner, they should pay half. The childcare always seems to come out of the woman's wage, leaving her with nothing. Don't make this mistake.

Come again? £5 an hour babysitting rates?? Wtf.

I was paid more than that 25 years ago!!

I pay £12 an hour and £15 after midnight

TheApplianceofScience · 04/05/2023 16:43

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:31

Yeah she wants paying, she wouldn't do it otherwise

Bloody Hell.

Sissynova · 04/05/2023 16:44

It’s funny how quick people are to shout “bill him for all the house childcare and housework you provide” when it’s to a DH.
But an older woman who has already raised her own kids should work for free even as a pensione!

EmpressSoleil · 04/05/2023 16:46

Many years ago I used to spend the entire summer holidays staying with my grandparents just because they wanted to spend time with me! It’s sad reading MN where some people won’t have the GC without being paid, or parents don’t want their DC to go to the GP because they don’t do things exactly as the parents want.

That being said, even I wouldn’t be thrilled at having to commit to set times 5 days a week. And 4.5 hours would be a lot out of my day. So I see her point. I don’t think this is a long term viable option.

I might get flamed for saying this but is this job actually worth it financially? Minimum wage minus payments to your mum and lost UC might make you worse off? Or working for no gain. Or does it have some progression where it’s leading to something with higher pay? Where it’s maybe worth the sacrifice in the short term?

Confusion101 · 04/05/2023 16:48

Normally on MN people attack posters for saying they expect grandparents to provide free childcare. Now OP is getting loads of questions around paying her mam.... Confusing!

OP I think ask her what she expects. You said if she wasn't getting paid she wouldn't do it so she must have an idea of what she thinks her time is worth.

I was looking into MIL minding ours, it was going to be 25-30 a day which is slightly less than daily child minder rates in my area.

MammaTo · 04/05/2023 16:49

Some of the replies supporting payment make me feel sad, I know it’s some peoples reality.
My mum & MIL wouldn’t see minding my baby as unpaid work or ruining their retirement, they see it as a privilege.
OP if you and mum aren’t that close and she’s not overly invested in your kids I’d use a professional service so they can develop educationally/socially as they would in nursery.

Original poster

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:49

EmpressSoleil · 04/05/2023 16:46

Many years ago I used to spend the entire summer holidays staying with my grandparents just because they wanted to spend time with me! It’s sad reading MN where some people won’t have the GC without being paid, or parents don’t want their DC to go to the GP because they don’t do things exactly as the parents want.

That being said, even I wouldn’t be thrilled at having to commit to set times 5 days a week. And 4.5 hours would be a lot out of my day. So I see her point. I don’t think this is a long term viable option.

I might get flamed for saying this but is this job actually worth it financially? Minimum wage minus payments to your mum and lost UC might make you worse off? Or working for no gain. Or does it have some progression where it’s leading to something with higher pay? Where it’s maybe worth the sacrifice in the short term?

So did I, my grandparents were my favourite people ever and I regularly had weeks with them but as soon as I was pregnant with my first, it was made very clear to me that it would never be anything like that.
Both of the jobs we've managed to get are jobs with no gain, just the type of work we are used to but it's needed unfortunately.
I'd be bringing in about 500 a month, a bit more on top as I'm doing more hours to get trained up but we can't survive without it

OP posts:

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:50

You have steadfastly ignored…

what is your relationship like with your mother

what is your mothers relationship like with her GC and do you trust her?

Confusion101 · 04/05/2023 16:52

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:50

You have steadfastly ignored…

what is your relationship like with your mother

what is your mothers relationship like with her GC and do you trust her?

She answered this....

Admittedly I don't feel all that close to my mum
Her relationship with my children seem okay, she has minimal interest in them

Original poster

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:53

I trust her wholeheartedly
I'm not close with her, we tolerate each other
My children are happy to see her but she doesn't take much of an interest, she'd get them dressed and off to school easy enough
Feed the baby no bother but she wouldn't sit there attempting homework with them or anything like that

I did just get in touch with another childminder but also remembered I've got a dog so probably still be easier for my mum to be here

Argh I was so excited about us finally managing to be in work at the same time but it's not going to work is it

OP posts:

Tandora · 04/05/2023 16:55

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 14:40

It’s normal to pay your mum, mine wanted paying too to have my children she wouldn’t do it for free and told me all her friends children pay

😮😮😮😮

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:56

No I’m not surprised you’re not close

OP - to be using your mother 5 days a week for extensive childcare… you need to be close or it will descend in to a shit show

Saschka · 04/05/2023 16:56

greyhairnomore · 04/05/2023 16:34

That's cheap ours is £9 !

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Per day? That’s expensive!

Our ASC is £10 per day, but that is for 2.5 hours (3:30 to 6pm) includes a sandwich, fruit and biscuits, followed by an activity like football club or art club.

The breakfast club is just supervised toast and cereals between 8:00-8:45, I would object to paying £9 per day for that!