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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

449 replies

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:28

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Humanbiology · 04/05/2023 16:10

Does your mum like her children and grandchildren?

WinginItAtDIY · 04/05/2023 16:13

Wow. Never have i paid a GP for looking after dcs. They would never ask for it either.

Boltonb · 04/05/2023 16:14

snowandshowers · 04/05/2023 15:42

Gosh I would never have dreamed of asking to be paid to look after my grand children. I had all 3 of them 5 days a week until school and I still now collect them from school and have them in the school holidays.

To a lot of people that looks like taking the piss though. It’s basically paying to raise your children, and then paying to raise theirs too.

My parents are relatively wealthy, and generous. They’d never ask for payment for anything, but there’s no way I’d expect them to spend their retirement raising my children almost full time. I think that’s bloody rude!

Bergan · 04/05/2023 16:15

My MIL watched my oldest when I went back to work full time. This was 26 years ago, she took £100 a month off me, on top of that, she wanted £15 a week for food and whenever they took him to the park I had to pay them petrol money so in the good weather I usually had to pay her about an extra £5 per week.
She also looked after her daughters child, didn’t charge her a thing.

Redebs · 04/05/2023 16:19

I cannot imagine under any circumstances being paid to look after my own grandchildren. Totally bizarre!

If you're paying someone to look after children in their own home, they need to be registered as a childminder with all the regulation and inspection that entails.

thing47 · 04/05/2023 16:20

I can’t understand why people don’t pay relatives - they’re providing a service.
Personally if I'm paying for a service, I'd rather pay an experienced professional. If my parents wanted to look after my kids so they could see more of them, that's fine. If they'd rather not look after them at all, that's fine too. If they said they would look after them but wanted paying, I'd think that if I've got to pay anyway, I'd prefer to use someone qualified, experienced and happy to do it as part of a business arrangement. I think blurring those lines could lead to problems further down the track.

IchVersteheNicht · 04/05/2023 16:21

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:31

Yeah she wants paying, she wouldn't do it otherwise

Wtf

WeeblesWobbled · 04/05/2023 16:21

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:31

Yeah she wants paying, she wouldn't do it otherwise

Good for her!

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:22

Thank you for the comments
To clarify, I have 4 children
Childminder is £5 per hour per child, although 3 of mine would be at school after an hour. But it makes it unaffordable.
My mum doesn't currently work, so I'm not taking her away from any other commitments
It would be for 4.5 hours mon-fri

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 04/05/2023 16:22

I would expect to pay at least NMW. Childminder wages only make sense if someone is watching multiple children.

IchVersteheNicht · 04/05/2023 16:22

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 14:40

It’s normal to pay your mum, mine wanted paying too to have my children she wouldn’t do it for free and told me all her friends children pay

No it's not

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:24

Already on uc but I don't like the idea of claiming the costs of childcare through them, I've seen payments be made late or not paid enough due to childcare used in assessment period etc, I dunno I just don't want to mess up the uc claim

OP posts:
Violet90 · 04/05/2023 16:24

Assuming the GP could still work but is offering to mind her grandchildren, how else will she pay her bills? Why do parents think they’re entitled to free help by their parents but will readily pay another adult to look after them.

Irritateandunreasonable · 04/05/2023 16:25

So many outraged that OP is paying her own Mum as if it’s their business.

She wasn’t asking for opinions on wether that was right or not (which you couldn’t possibly give because you have such little information) she was asking opinions on amounts.

OP - ask your Mum what she wants and decide if her rate is worth it.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 04/05/2023 16:25

4.5 hours a day, 5 days a week for 1 child and 1 hour a day for other 3?

Irritateandunreasonable · 04/05/2023 16:26

Redebs · 04/05/2023 16:19

I cannot imagine under any circumstances being paid to look after my own grandchildren. Totally bizarre!

If you're paying someone to look after children in their own home, they need to be registered as a childminder with all the regulation and inspection that entails.

No they don’t.

emmsyg · 04/05/2023 16:28

We pay my FIL £10 per child per day for two children (one pre school, one at school) for 2.5 days a week. He only had a state pension and this meant that he didn't have to look for another job, which we are grateful for as we really rely on him, and I think it's only fair when we couldn't do it without him. He adores his grandchildren, but if we didn't pay him he would have to get a job and we'd lose him, so its a good deal for us.

They'd often do other favours like having the kids overnight etc - we just pay for the formally arranged weekday childcare.

Mischance · 04/05/2023 16:28

I have looked after an assortment of my 7 GC for many years - I do not of course charge for this. They are family and I do it because I love them, and because I want my DDs to have the benefit of their earnings.

I have wonderful and special relationships with all the GC and I treasure this.

Saschka · 04/05/2023 16:29

Can’t you use school breakfast club (ours is £2 per day), and a childminder for your youngest? You can claim back via UC. Seems easier than your DM doing it when she clearly doesn’t want to.

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:30

Op what is your relationship like with your mother?

MyTruthIsOut · 04/05/2023 16:30

Me and DH currently use before and after school clubs and it costs us about £75 a week in total.

Soon though, my mum will be taking the boys to school and picking them up for us instead and we are going to pay her £40 a week.

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 16:30

And more importantly

what is your mothers relationship like with your children and do you completely trust her?

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 16:31

Saschka · 04/05/2023 16:29

Can’t you use school breakfast club (ours is £2 per day), and a childminder for your youngest? You can claim back via UC. Seems easier than your DM doing it when she clearly doesn’t want to.

The child in nursery isn't old enough to go, this is why me and my partner agreed that one of us would stay at home while the other one worked but the cost of living is becoming too much and we both need to work.
My partner has set shifts which Definitely helps for childminder/my mum
It will literally only ever be 4.5, that's accounting for half an hour to him to cycle home

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 04/05/2023 16:32

4.5 x 5 = 22 hours.
£50 ?
Is she on benefits?
I think you need to look into this as there was a case of you can't pay somebody who isn't registered ? It was a while ago so things might have changed.

greyhairnomore · 04/05/2023 16:34

Saschka · 04/05/2023 16:29

Can’t you use school breakfast club (ours is £2 per day), and a childminder for your youngest? You can claim back via UC. Seems easier than your DM doing it when she clearly doesn’t want to.

That's cheap ours is £9 !

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