What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

[Buddythecat1]

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

I was offered money for looking often my dgc which I did for about 12 years, part time for 2 dc. It was my privilege and joy. I did accept petrol money 10 miles each way 3 days a week. I accepted because they insisted . Let your mum decide what she will take.

I read your updates. I think £20 per week is brilliant. That would really help you get back to work.

Haven't read all the responses - however, my sister is going to look after my small person for 2 days a week until his childminder place becomes available - I'm going to be working 20 hours over 3 days (his dad is home on the third day) - she also wanted paying.
We agreed on £20 a day

£20 a day seems very reasonable, it means your sister feels appreciated and it also helps you out. Of course everyone's circumstances are different but looking after children is a commitment and whilst I wouldn't expect professional rates, knowing my dds both have well paying professional jobs, I would ask for some payment. Obviously babysitting is a completely different matter and I'd do that for free and the pleasure of spending time with my grandchildren.

Your income stopped because you chose to leave a job before having another one lined up. It was your own doing.

I can’t understand why your partner can’t work full time and you give up work for now if he is a higher earner then once all the children are in school, see if you can get a job to work while they are at school (using wraparound as needed). Does seem a huge commitment for your mum, isn’t just the fact there are 4 but also having to be available to fit around your working days. As an aside, never leave a job until you have a written offer and contract for the new job!

Some really judgey, unhelpful and downright nasty comments on this thread.. OP I hope you are able to brush these off - I suffer terribly with my mental health so some of the replies would have really affected me. I see that you also suffer with yours so just wanted to say hope you are OK 💐 you have done nothing wrong, you just wanted a bit of advice at a time when you're trying to better your life for yourself and your family. You're a good person.

I would just add please do look into claiming the 85% childcare costs through UC. This is what I do myself and simply wouldn't be able to get by without it.

X

People play the mental health card way too much. Anytime someone on these forums doesn't get the answer they want..."mental health". Sorry but she chose to keep having kids she wants paying for herself . She chose to leave her job and now she's chose to take a job before sorting out childcare....and then complains its going to cost money. Mental health is no excuse for being so entitled but a very good excuse to not keep having kids you can't afford

And who exactly are you to decide whether or not someone is "playing the mental health card" ?

Okay and?
I also had a thread on it about my manager who was bullying me out of my job, and all of the responses were to leave.
Regardless of whether it was the right choice or not, it's been done

I've never said I can't afford them, I've worked ft for years. As did my partner but our shifts clashed but then we decided it was better for me to be working (I'm a happier mum when I've had time to myself out of the house)
A childminder is going to charge over £1,200
If my hours go back down I will only be getting half of that, making it unaffordable. But if I was to turn down the job purely for it not being enough hours, you'd be quick to say I'm just sitting on my arse. At least I'm trying. And again like I said, I accepted the 12 hours contract way before my partner had even applied for his job, so our original plan was for him to stay at home

Because it would benefit me more to be out of the house, I do struggle with depression and anxiety and being trapped in the house.
My manager was a bully, it was a toxic environment, I really didn't have a choice to leave

You said your fella stayed at home with the kids...now he worked ? Which is it?

"Regardless of whether it was the right choice..its been done"..that exact attitudes speaks volumes.
"Sod whether I make the right choices...my mum/the government/the tax payers will pick up my pieces"

I already said he worked years ago, back when it was only 2 children then 3. He did work for some time doing night shift.

No my attitude doesn't speak volumes, there's no point harking on about whether I should've stayed or not, I made the right choice. Like I said I had a thread on here, and everyone encouraged me to leave. Especially as it was almost a given that I was going to start shortly within the nhs. And yes I did sign the contract for it

Ok, fair enough - hopefully you can find a higher paying job and your partner be the stay at home parent (or one that finds work to fit). For now, £20pw seems a bargain but I’d always be worried that she’d pull out or let you down if she isn’t particularly bothered about you and your family.

Re job, I didn’t know about your previous thread so didn’t know the back story.

£20/wk sounds amazing! Hopefully, with time, things can progress with your job and you can get promoted/get set shifts/earn more. At least then, things can be rejigged if need be.

Ftfo

Not off to a great start. My mum is unwell
But we really can't afford a childminder and nor is one available for another 3 weeks

Pipe down keyboard warrior say it to her face.

Focus on your husband's needs and treat him because you sound stressed.

If only we were all as perfect as you!

I would say it to her face...but I've no idea who she is. What sort of ridiculous comment is that?