I’m 33 weeks pregnant, likely to give birth via c section around 34-36wk (most likely 35) due to a combo of medical reasons which I won’t get fully into, but rather than a standard c-section, it’ll be an up and down cut (open laparotomy) potentially including a hysterectomy and other procedures.
Recovery is going to be tough and potentially include a substantial hospital stay for me. I hoped to get further along than 35ish weeks but for various reasons including a decline in my health, it won’t be possible.
this is my first and (obviously) likely only child.
I have a friend who lives a substantial distance away (flight needed).
While I do have strong local support, my friend offered to come to stay to help me with recovery and the new baby.
Around 16/17 weeks I was considering it and said I’d let her know. We remained in regular contact, but unfortunately, this clearly sounded like a “yes” to her and it became clear she assumed that’s what I meant. I have repeatedly said “we’ll see, and I’m not sure it’s a good idea” but she seems to want to argue it with me and I’ve not had the strength.
this pregnancy has been brutal, if I’m honest, with over 20 hospital admissions and multiple late nights at A+E plus a fair share of mental health struggles, I should’ve been more direct but I did express my concerns to her. I do admit my fault for not putting my foot down. There are many reasons I’ve turned off of the idea, and I’ll include her rebuttals. example:
friend has a 7yr old child. Obviously, the child would come with her. I don’t necessarily feel comfortable hosting a boisterous child, especially while dealing with a potentially difficult recovery road.
friend says “We’d have our own space, we’ll stay out of your way when you need a breather.” (I have a spare room).
I did also say there may be things related to my recovery that are messy, difficult, uncomfortable and she may not want her DC present to witness it. It’ll also be a nightmare for her DC if I have an extended stay in hospital IMHO.
friend says “If needed, DC can be left with a sitter.” But I know the expense for that would be mine to bear (explained further below).
friend has a low income, meaning I will be left footing the bill for her flights, travel, etc.
She knows I can technically afford it, but I’m trying really hard to save money/not touch savings because I’m taking substantial time off of work (and I’m self employed so mat pay etc is limited).
when I mention cost is an issue, suddenly she offers to pay half or “try to get a credit card” (for various reasons I doubt that would work).
I had a scare a few days ago (light bleeding, monitoring session in hospital), now she’s more insistent than ever, to the point where she’s disregarding that I don’t have time to accommodate her, settle her + her child in, travel several hours each way to do airport pick up, etc.
I know she can sense my hesitancy because recently all she wants to talk about is how “difficult” things are at home (she’s in her 30s but lives with her family, whereas I live alone) and how she “can’t wait for a break”. She’s also mentioned how “excited” her DS is to come. It’s becoming very clear to me that it’s less about helping me and more about helping herself, but I don’t see a way of navigating out of this while retaining our previously very lovely friendship of several years.
aibu to cancel this? And WIBU to ask MN for some advice as to how to go about it? I’ve been running around like a blue arsed fly putting my business into rest mode, so to speak, and making sure everything is ready for the baby. But I need to address this soon. Help?