DP didn't come back

[ohfacksake]

I may be BU and I may not, I don't know, but I'm so pissed off.

DP and I are going away for the night tomorrow. We have an early start and had planned to use today to get packed and sorted so we can head out straight away in the morning.

DP needed to go to his DM's to collect a few things, and left at 10am. Said he was going to be back at 5 and then had "missed" the bus. So then he asked if he should stay at his DM's and I collect him after DC's (not his) swimming lessons, and I said no I'd rather him get the 5.30 bus so he can start with the packing and I can help finish when I got back from swimming lessons. I told him I didn't want to spend all evening doing it because I wanted to relax and get an early night ready for a long day tomorrow. He then decided he needed to see a friend so he was going to meet me at the DC's swimming lessons.

I told him he's taking the piss and that we had planned to get things done together. He's saying it is what it is. I've said I'm not doing it when I get back from swimming as I'm not stressing about that and getting the DCs into bed.

Went to swimming lessons, he didn't meet me there, I had to go and pick him up elsewhere.

We get home and have had a row because he doesn't know what he's doing with packing and sorting everything else out for tomorrow. I say he should've thought about that before staying out (he has been drinking as well, wasn't just a catch up with a cuppa. And I've been working all day as WFH and have been in meetings).

So now I've stormed out and said let's see how he likes it if I fuck off for hours on end and expect him to do everything - including putting DC to bed!

I don't think I have helped the situation by walking out, but why couldn't he have come back at a reasonable time so we could've sorted everything?

I haven't been diagnosed but I'm sure I have ADHD so struggle with some things and don't necessarily always think rationally. But I just can't calm down from feeling pissed off. I'm currently sat in my car half way down the road so he thinks I've gone out somewhere 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sorry for the long post!

I don't think you're BU per se. Sounds like things have just got on top of you. Have things been bubbling for a while and you just blew?
Take a breath and don't beat yourself up over it. 🤗

If this was a reverse and a man was telling his gf (not dp) to go to his house, pack his bag for a trip and organise his kids, everybody would already be in a chorus of LTB and they would be right. It's controlling. I'd like to know what the kids dad say about a bf of 5 months meeting his children, much less being abandoned with a man they hardly know, put to bed by him and having their personal belongings touched. If it was me I'd be very unimpressed.

@ohfacksake I just wanted to give you a shout-out and say, I have inattentive ADHD (diagnosed in my 40s) and it takes me facking ages to pack. It always takes a whole day, regardless of whether I am going for one day or two weeks. The need for perfection is ridiculous. And let’s not even go there with walking into a room and forgetting why I did that. (That probably takes up half the time!) This despite epic lists curated over years for every type and length of holiday.

If I didn’t take ADHD meds on any other day of the year, I would still take them on packing days.

Just saying, for all the people out there saying it’s a 10-min affair to pack for a night, there’s another bunch of us out there who hear and feel you.

Anyhoo, hope you got sorted before 1am and got out the door almost on time this morning and are now relaxing somewhere nice.

You are not being unreasonable! I’m struggling to understand how he went to his mother’s at 10am to get a few bits and still wasn’t home at 5pm and then thought it was a good time to meet a friend for a pint when he knew there was prep to do for the trip 🤷🏻‍♀️

Because the OPs house isn't his 'home' they've only been together 5 months and don't live together?

I didn't realize they only had been dating 5 months. That completely changes my mindset. Why are the kids even acquainted with him at this point let alone being put to bed and going on holiday with him?

Ffs you've been dating 5 months he should even have met your kids let alone be left in the house with them!
And everytime there's a serious case review when a kid is harmed at the hands of a partner their mother has left them alone with a new boyfriend

Seriously this is a five month relationship.

He isn't responsible for the running of your household, that includes your children and the cat.. He shouldn't even be around your children alone at this stage!

“It is what it is” - sounds like a dosser, mumper, immature twt.

It's called impulsivity and is an assessed behaviour in adhd diagnosis. ADHD is not "normal behaviour but could be controlled if you tried harder or didn't give way to your feelings". It's a fucking disorder, that is, behaviours are impossible to manage by sheer strength of mind and good judgement.

Poor OP I hope they are having a wonderful day

@ThickSkinnedSoWhat
Where does the OP say that they've only been together for 5 months? I can't find that anywhere in her posts.

Because in a thread elsewhere she was single in November. She could have been with him even less than 5 months

He does sound like an arse. It's all the changing of plans, letting you down all day. I'm not surprised you went ballistic.

Sadly he doesn't give a shit. My guess is he's either an allied or up to no good in some way. But then I am suspicious by nature.

I hope it gets better for you.

You are definitely not bu.
He walks off and spends all day having fun, doing his own merry thing , while you work, do the school runs, cook, take DC's to swimming and somehow fit in his multiple texts/ calls about when and where he is likely to be so he can be picked up too!
What a twat.
Your dp sounds Selfish , and entitled and seems to rather enjoy you tripping over yourself trying to do everything while he saunters about. He's messing with you, totally taking the p*ss.
Go home and look after your DC's because they're clearly not safe with him.
And don't trust him next time he says- We'll do it together- because in his head he's thinking- I'll make her do it all-.
What does he bring to the relationship except more angst for you?

Oh come on he said he would do it that day but in his mind there is probably still plenty of time to do it that, the op has been working and doing swimming lessons up until then so wouldn’t have been doing anyway.
he took a day off work, why can’t he spend it seeing his mum when his girlfriend is working. He’s not a twat because he doesn’t spend his day off sorting out his girlfriend’s house whilst she works.
why should he be doing the school run, cooking and swimming lessons?
from what I can see, the only thing he did wrong is the communication around where and when they would meet.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4682578-frustrated-im-starting-again

It may be much less than 5 months. But at the end of November she was complaining about not having a boyfriend and not knowing if she might ever meet someone.

@littlemisspigg He walks off and spends all day having fun, doing his own merry thing , while you work, do the school runs, cook, take DC's to swimming and somehow fit in his multiple texts/ calls about when and where he is likely to be so he can be picked up too!
What a twat.

Whats that got to do with the boyfriend?! OP would have to work and look after her own children regardless on any given day!

Some of these comments are ridiculous.

Far too much drama for the sake of packing a bag to go away for the night. What’s so stressful about packing? And why does it take 2 of you? I pack for my family of 4 and it’s not a big deal, you should have been more organised. But your not and he’s right, it is what it is. Get on with it and stop ruining your night away with your pointless drama 😑

He's NOT her partner.

He's NOT the father of her children.

He does NOT live with her.

She barely knows him.

He's her BOYFRIEND of a matter of months.

She walked out on HER children and left them with a virtual stranger.

Why is this so difficult to understand for so many?

HER children are NOT his responsibility in any way.

He's a flaky boyfriend.

That's all.🙄🤷🏻‍♀️.

She should dump him for his flakiness BUT her children are not his responsibility and shouldn't be left in his care.

Poor children.

Ok my mistake, replace the word ‘home’ with ‘back’ and now I think it conveys what I was trying to express.

@Sissynova you're still missing the point I'm making. Regardless of what we think about her packing angst (I agree with you about the practicalities, etc), her BF said he'd do XYZ then didn't. He's unreliable, which IMHO is a massive problem in relationships as we need to be able to trust our partners (on the small and not so small stuff). So, regardless of what nonsense (to us) the 2 of them agreed, he let her down and for that she's NBU IMHO.

He said he would do it that day, they were back by 6 so still plenty of time to do it. Given op was working all day and he said they would do it together he presumably meant in the evening.

So many posts about the executive distinction that comes with ADHD yet people are still writing drivel like this.

If her boyfriend diagnosed himself with something that might excuse his behaviour would he be let off too?

Do you think that a self-diagnosis of ADHD is a good enough reason to leave your children with a drunk bloke you barely know?