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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP didn't come back

186 replies

ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 20:48

I may be BU and I may not, I don't know, but I'm so pissed off.

DP and I are going away for the night tomorrow. We have an early start and had planned to use today to get packed and sorted so we can head out straight away in the morning.

DP needed to go to his DM's to collect a few things, and left at 10am. Said he was going to be back at 5 and then had "missed" the bus. So then he asked if he should stay at his DM's and I collect him after DC's (not his) swimming lessons, and I said no I'd rather him get the 5.30 bus so he can start with the packing and I can help finish when I got back from swimming lessons. I told him I didn't want to spend all evening doing it because I wanted to relax and get an early night ready for a long day tomorrow. He then decided he needed to see a friend so he was going to meet me at the DC's swimming lessons.

I told him he's taking the piss and that we had planned to get things done together. He's saying it is what it is. I've said I'm not doing it when I get back from swimming as I'm not stressing about that and getting the DCs into bed.

Went to swimming lessons, he didn't meet me there, I had to go and pick him up elsewhere.

We get home and have had a row because he doesn't know what he's doing with packing and sorting everything else out for tomorrow. I say he should've thought about that before staying out (he has been drinking as well, wasn't just a catch up with a cuppa. And I've been working all day as WFH and have been in meetings).

So now I've stormed out and said let's see how he likes it if I fuck off for hours on end and expect him to do everything - including putting DC to bed!

I don't think I have helped the situation by walking out, but why couldn't he have come back at a reasonable time so we could've sorted everything?

I haven't been diagnosed but I'm sure I have ADHD so struggle with some things and don't necessarily always think rationally. But I just can't calm down from feeling pissed off. I'm currently sat in my car half way down the road so he thinks I've gone out somewhere 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
Withnailandeye · 03/05/2023 20:52

You are going for one night, what could possibly be that stressful about packing for a night? YABU but your DH also sounds like a bit of a dosser.

HinCogNeetOh · 03/05/2023 20:54

I think you need to go home, if he's drunk and putting not his kid to bed, that's not a super situation. He might take it out on your child, be a bit unkind or impatient.

You pack for you and the little one; he can sort his own bobbins out.

DucksNewburyport · 03/05/2023 20:55

Just pack your stuff for yourself, let your DH sort himself out, no need for all this stress.

Oysterbabe · 03/05/2023 20:57

Packing for a night takes 10 minutes. Yabu for making a big drama out of nothing.

Hotfootgoose · 03/05/2023 20:58

Let him pack his own stuff and just laugh when he forgets stuff. Pack for you and your child and leave him to his own.

ILoveCakeLikeTheToriesLoveRippingTaxPayersOff · 03/05/2023 20:58

Packing for a night takes 5 minutes, you don't need the kitchen sink. YABU.

Sissynova · 03/05/2023 20:58

Packing for one night really doesn’t need to be this much drama.
He packs his pjs and outfit, you do yours and the kids since they’re your kids. It could literally only take 30 minutes tops and that’s including faffing about.

CalistoNoSolo · 03/05/2023 21:02

You need to get hold of yourself. Firstly, it's one night away. That should take a max of 30mins packing for you and your children. Secondly, you fucked off in a strop from your own children because you're cross with your partner. That's a shit thing to do to your children. No idea if your partner is U, quite probably he is. But you really need to take a look at yourself here.

AlisonDonut · 03/05/2023 21:02

Go home, pack your stuff and if he doesn't sort his stuff out, then go away for the night on your own.

TAmum3 · 03/05/2023 21:02

Take 10 mins, clear your head. Realistically what’s the problem? I’m sure it’s not packing for 1 night - a pair of pjs, your toothbrush and an outfit change can be put together in minutes.
So what’s the deeper issue? Are you annoyed he’s been out all day? Either way, speak your truth as if it’s just the packing then YABU.

BlackPhillipsCheese · 03/05/2023 21:02

Good lord, what packing do you need to organise and sort for 1 night away?

Doesn't that just take 10 mins to chuck a few things in a bag?

How many kids are going?

BlackPhillipsCheese · 03/05/2023 21:03

Hang on, are the DC not his?

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 03/05/2023 21:06

Echoing what pp's have said. You're going for 1 night. How long can it take?

Just pack yours and whoever elses you need to pack and leave him to pack his own stuff.

If it was one night, my husband would pack socks and a pair of undies and not much else.

What does he need?

PaigeMatthews · 03/05/2023 21:07

Went to swimming lessons, he didn't meet me there, I had to go and pick him up elsewhere.
well, you didn't need to do that. You chose to do that.

also, why do you need to pack together? They are not his kids. You're an adult. You pack for you and your children yourself. He packs for himself.

does he often put your children to bed?
how much does he normally do in your house?

MichelleScarn · 03/05/2023 21:07

Unless you're going on some huge outward bound or vairy fancy black tie do, why is packing such a hoo ha for one night?

ZekeZeke · 03/05/2023 21:08

Whole lot of drama over nothing.

ShowUs · 03/05/2023 21:12

Sorry but I don’t think he wants to go.

You pack your overnight bag and he packs his.

It shouldn’t be this difficult.

PollyPut · 03/05/2023 21:12

@ohfacksake so you've left him drunk in charge of the DC? Hmm - I'd get back in there and just get packed and go to bed!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/05/2023 21:15

If he has been af his DMs all day then popped out to meet a friend and you have already picked him up he really can't have had much to drink. 1 night away can only take 15 mins to 30 mins to pack.

themiffy · 03/05/2023 21:16

For those saying it should only take 10 mins, if you have ADHD it can take as long to pack for one night as it does for a week. In my case it can take me a week! It also leaves me stressed and exhausted so OP I sympathise and understand why he made you so mad.

namechange1986 · 03/05/2023 21:17

This is ridiculous. You've leave him to put children (who aren't his) to bed as a punishment?

Are you going camping? Otherwise I don't understand all the packing.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 03/05/2023 21:19

Oh dear well it sounds like your getaway hasn’t started off great. I won’t give you a hard time for storming out but hopefully now you realize that may have been an overreaction.

I think the problem is that you are putting a lot of unnecessary effort into getting ready for an overnight. From the sounds of it you’ll be getting ready longer than you’ll be away!

go home, kiss your kids g’night throw some shit in a bag, and laugh at yourself.

hayu19 · 03/05/2023 21:19

When going away I pack for myself and the children. DH packs his own bag. You don't really need loads of things for one night. I don't mind my DH staying at his dad's as I do the same at my mums it gives us a break now and then and I enjoy having the bed to myself 🤣

Tilllly · 03/05/2023 21:32

How frustrating!

He's being unreasonable in that you'd made plans - regardless of how long it does or doesn't take - and he let you down

It sounds a bit final straw scenario

Take a deep breath and go tell him why it's upset you

PollyAmour · 03/05/2023 21:32

Underwear, pyjamas, change of clothes and washbag.

It'll take you 10 minutes tops. Stop being a drama llama.