Why won’t my potential SIL speak to me?

[Alloo]

Hi everyone,

I’m pretty new here and looking for some advice.

Background
I have been with my husband for 5 years and married for 2. We have a 6 month old baby now too. Hubby has 2 brothers, one older and one younger. The younger one has been with his girlfriend approx. same amount of time as me and hubby whilst older brother has just got a new girlfriend - they have been dating for 1.5 years. We have met the new girlfriend on a total of 5 times at family occasions (one being our own wedding).

Since me and new gf have met I feel she has been really off with me.

Reasoning
New gf seems to make plans with me but either cancels or it doesn’t go ahead, or she just doesn’t respond. For example; my baby shower - I invited her as well as all the other family both on my side and hubby’s as well as close friends. I thought it was nice to invite her as my BIL’s partner especially since they have spoken about getting married and wanting kids, I thought it would make her feel involved. She declined as she was going on holiday (which ended up not happening) and ended up going on a night out at night time, when my baby shower was an afternoon. Another example is that I invited her to my birthday a few months back, but again she declined as she was going on holiday but that got cancelled and still declined to come to my event. I could go on but I have lost count how many times this has happened. However when hubby/BIL’s parents arrange something, she 9/10 goes. Same with younger brother and his gf, she goes.

Sorting
So I did the adult thing and text her asking to meet up or arrange a 5 minute call just the 2 of us and that I would go out to her to save her coming to my home.
She responded asking what it was about. I responded saying that it wasn’t anything to worry about but that I just didn’t want to text and would rather an in person chat or phone call. She then asked again what it was about and to text her as she is busy all week at work and after work. I said that’s ok can we arrange next week as it’s not urgent but it’s important to me. She responded saying she was genuinely busy and that we can MAYBE chat next week. I said that’s fine, it’s just something I don’t want to text as texts can be taken the wrong way.

Feelings
I don’t know how to feel. She’s making me feel a certain way and my husband has also said his older brother feels distant and doesn’t feel as close since he met his gf.

I am also bothered that I have spoke to my MIL recently and she has made plans to see the older son, gf, and gf’s parents.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

I feel so down about it and feel like she won’t speak to me to sort this out!

YABU for referring to your “hubby”. But naff language aside, she clearly sees you as her boyfriend’s sister-in-law, and not a friend as such. So you are there at your in-laws’ events, but not necessarily yours, IYSWIM.

I have only one SiL and I accept she makes my dear brother happy but she’s not someone I would ever even have met, if she hadn’t married my brother. We are very different, socially and intellectually. She’s nice enough when I see her at family events but no way do I socialise with her outside of my family’s events.

If she contacted me as you did demanding a face to face “chat” I’d be very very busy. Forever.

I love my brother dearly and I remain polite to my SiL for his sake. I’d not want to be in the position of telling her frankly what I thought of her as I don’t want to upset my brother. So I remain polite but distant.

Ha! Maybe I’m your brother-in-law’s girlfriend!!!!

I’m cringing for you, trying to force her into a “chat”. She doesn’t want to be your bestie. Leave her alone!

Also as for the baby shower she might just think its tacky... I don't attend 'showers' as they are inherently greedy concepts.

I love a party to celebrate anything, house party, hang out at the park/beach, pub meet up, buffet in a function room etc... few drinks or cake and a laugh with a group of friend great. However throwing a party where you put yourself on a pedestal where everyone must look at you and the whole purpose is everyone must 'shower' you with gifts and adoration is bloody narcissistic and grabby.

If someone asked to meet up and then said- I wont tell you what it is about, but don;t worry nothing serious, I would feel a bit opressed, bullies at work use this technique. So either say oyu want to talk about your relationship without the bloody mystery, or just let go.