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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a fair allocation of rooms ?

424 replies

roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:21

Ds1 (20) ASD and full time work (night shifts or awkward times but always needs to sleep for some part or all of the day)
Dd (15) ASD and needs her own room
Ds2 (13)
Ds 3 (11)
Dss (15)

Rooms are as follows :
Ds1 loft room with en suite
Dd1 small bedroom
Ds2, Ds3 and Dss - biggest room (fits 3 single beds, a wardrobe , 2 drawer units and a desk. It’s really huge.
Tiny box room for me and dh

Dss is here 3 weekends a month

Dss, Dh and Dss mum are saying that he needs his own room - they want him to swap with Ds1 as said it is only fair that he has his own space .

Ds1 works nights and pays rent so I think should keep his room .

DS1 and Dd are mine from a previous relationship, ds 2 and 3 are dh as well

I think it’s fair how things are. Dh is now saying why isn’t Ds1 thinking about moving out ?!!! It difficult for him and I’m just pleased he’s working and managing he isn’t ready to move out

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 02/05/2023 14:23

How big is the loft room?

Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:25

Anoisagusaris · 02/05/2023 14:23

How big is the loft room?

It’s not huge , ds has a double bed up there and a drawer unit, bedside table and there’s not much room , plus the en suite but that’s very small just a small toilet and shower room. Wouldn’t fit another bed up there

OP posts:
Wherewithout · 02/05/2023 14:28

I can see how it might come across a bit unfair that your own kids get their own rooms but your DHs own kid has to share with two others. However I’m not sure how else you could do it and it seems daft to have the loft room essentially unused half the time when DSS is not there.

Do you have a dining room or anything downstairs that could be repurposed as a bedroom for him? Three in one room does sound a bit cramped. Do they all get on?

Flowerblooms · 02/05/2023 14:28

The room that has 3 beds in can you not split it down the middle with a screen to split it into two rooms?

oldest son should keep his room especially as he is paying rent.

McGonagallshatandglasses · 02/05/2023 14:28

It's fair.

Unless a magic new room sprouts from the side or top of the house this is what you have.

Someone who is there 6 nights a month can share with his half brothers.

Iwrote · 02/05/2023 14:29

I don't know, is DSS made to feel like he's invading the other kids room when he comes?

Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:29

I suggested a partition in the boys room but dh said it will leave dss with no natural light due to where the window is and isn’t fair. Their reading for swapping ds1 and Dss is that as ds needs to sleep during the day when everyone else at school that he can do so in peace whereas dss feels uncomfortable and wants his own space

The house is mine and I feel like I’m being dictated to !

OP posts:
Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:29

*reasoning

OP posts:
Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:30

Flowerblooms · 02/05/2023 14:28

The room that has 3 beds in can you not split it down the middle with a screen to split it into two rooms?

oldest son should keep his room especially as he is paying rent.

This was my suggestion to dh but he’s saying no

OP posts:
Magenta82 · 02/05/2023 14:31

I can't see another way of doing it.

Anoisagusaris · 02/05/2023 14:31

roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:25

It’s not huge , ds has a double bed up there and a drawer unit, bedside table and there’s not much room , plus the en suite but that’s very small just a small toilet and shower room. Wouldn’t fit another bed up there

Show quote history

If it’s a better room than the box room, I would swap with DS 1. It might seem fairer to DSD if DS1 has a smaller room.

WotNoUserName · 02/05/2023 14:32

I would suggest he moves out and finds a place where his son can have his own room if he doesn't like any of your suggestions.

Northtosouth · 02/05/2023 14:32

Sounds fair under those circumstances, I don’t see what else you can do, especially if it’s your house and not DH.
How long has it been like this / is there a reason why it has now suddenly become an issue?

Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:32

Wherewithout · 02/05/2023 14:28

I can see how it might come across a bit unfair that your own kids get their own rooms but your DHs own kid has to share with two others. However I’m not sure how else you could do it and it seems daft to have the loft room essentially unused half the time when DSS is not there.

Do you have a dining room or anything downstairs that could be repurposed as a bedroom for him? Three in one room does sound a bit cramped. Do they all get on?

Ds 2 and Dss get on really well, neither get on with ds3 . Ds3 never complains though ! Whenever Dss is here they are usually playing games and it’s Ds3 that’s left out and then spends his time downstairs but he never complains

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 02/05/2023 14:33

Well, I’d start by swapping your room for DS1s room. It’s ridiculous that you’re squashed into a box room in your own home. Then I’d suggest to DH that if he wants the DSS to have his own room he pulls his finger out and buy a bigger house.

DietCokeUser · 02/05/2023 14:34

Of course you shouldn't swap DS1 and DSS. DS1 lives there all the time, he needs to sleep during the day and he's 20. It's a completely unreasonable suggestion.

If DSS doesn't want to sleep with the others, could he have a camp bed downstairs?

Gymmum82 · 02/05/2023 14:34

It’s your house so you get to decide. Also DSS doesn’t live their full time so the needs of those that do trump his. There is no point having a room sat empty for 3/4 of the month when you have so many people living in a house

Clymene · 02/05/2023 14:34

It's fair. It's your house.

Flowerblooms · 02/05/2023 14:35

How long have you been with your husband? You mentioned it was your house? What does he bring to the table?

Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:35

Northtosouth · 02/05/2023 14:32

Sounds fair under those circumstances, I don’t see what else you can do, especially if it’s your house and not DH.
How long has it been like this / is there a reason why it has now suddenly become an issue?

Dss wanted to stay an extra weekend each month, which was fine and that’s when this all started. He first of all kept moaning that the bathroom was busy when he wanted it and saying ‘it’s not fair, Ds1 has his own bathroom ‘ etc etc so I said he could use it as Ds1 was at work , he came down later and said it wasn’t fair he wants that room . He hasn’t seen it before and I think just prefers it so is playing the ‘I feel uncomfortable sharing’ card

OP posts:
BessieSurtees · 02/05/2023 14:36

So they want the 20 year old who pays rent to share a room so a 15 year old can have his own room at the weekend. Do they want the loft room to be empty during the week or asking your oldest to move at the weekend?

Either way, ASD or not I would be saying that’s not happening. Your other boys share so why can’t he, does your DSS have his own room at his mums?

Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:38

Soontobe60 · 02/05/2023 14:33

Well, I’d start by swapping your room for DS1s room. It’s ridiculous that you’re squashed into a box room in your own home. Then I’d suggest to DH that if he wants the DSS to have his own room he pulls his finger out and buy a bigger house.

I have a back issue and 2 sets of stairs isn’t ideal that’s why we haven’t swapped. The room we have is ok as well , fits a bed and has a fitted wardrobe and I am quite minimalist so it’s fine for us

OP posts:
Inthesamesinkingboat · 02/05/2023 14:39

So you own the house but DH is now dictating who can live there by suggesting your child moves out so there’s more room for his kid? Where the fuck do these men get the balls from?

the situation is fine, if he doesn’t like it he can go and buy a bigger house for you all can’t he.

Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:40

BessieSurtees · 02/05/2023 14:36

So they want the 20 year old who pays rent to share a room so a 15 year old can have his own room at the weekend. Do they want the loft room to be empty during the week or asking your oldest to move at the weekend?

Either way, ASD or not I would be saying that’s not happening. Your other boys share so why can’t he, does your DSS have his own room at his mums?

Yes it’s just him and his mum in a 3 bed , she apparently has one room as an office/study and he has his own space, so I get that he’s probably used to it but then he was the one asking to come here an additional weekend !

OP posts:
Original poster
roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:41

Inthesamesinkingboat · 02/05/2023 14:39

So you own the house but DH is now dictating who can live there by suggesting your child moves out so there’s more room for his kid? Where the fuck do these men get the balls from?

the situation is fine, if he doesn’t like it he can go and buy a bigger house for you all can’t he.

Yes my house, but apparently it counts that he has contributed to all bills and decorating / any work done etc etc so he thinks he has a say

OP posts: