Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is a fair allocation of rooms ?

424 replies

roomallocations · 02/05/2023 14:21

Ds1 (20) ASD and full time work (night shifts or awkward times but always needs to sleep for some part or all of the day)
Dd (15) ASD and needs her own room
Ds2 (13)
Ds 3 (11)
Dss (15)

Rooms are as follows :
Ds1 loft room with en suite
Dd1 small bedroom
Ds2, Ds3 and Dss - biggest room (fits 3 single beds, a wardrobe , 2 drawer units and a desk. It’s really huge.
Tiny box room for me and dh

Dss is here 3 weekends a month

Dss, Dh and Dss mum are saying that he needs his own room - they want him to swap with Ds1 as said it is only fair that he has his own space .

Ds1 works nights and pays rent so I think should keep his room .

DS1 and Dd are mine from a previous relationship, ds 2 and 3 are dh as well

I think it’s fair how things are. Dh is now saying why isn’t Ds1 thinking about moving out ?!!! It difficult for him and I’m just pleased he’s working and managing he isn’t ready to move out

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 02/05/2023 15:47

I ca see why the DSS and his mum might try their luck, but your DH really doesn’t have your back here.

If it’s your house, I suggest that your Dh moves out and provides whatever rooms he wishes for his son.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/05/2023 15:49

I think it's fine. As long as your DSs don't make DSS feel unwelcome etc.

When DS1 moves out, I'd probably give his room to DD.

It's completely unreasonable for DSS to have his own room as long as your other sons (who presumably spend the majority of their time at your house) still have to share.

OneLittleFinger · 02/05/2023 15:51

Ask DH if he'd buy a 4 bed house were you to split up. I mean, his three children.would each need a room of their own, wouldn't they? When he says no to that reflect it back to your current situation.

Theelephantinthecastle · 02/05/2023 15:52

The bit I think is ridiculous is you two having a box room while two of your children have larger rooms to themselves. There are two of you and you are the grownups!

And I also think if you marry someone and have children with them, taking the attitude that it's your house and they shouldn't get a day is awful. If you were a bloke, you would have been called all sorts.

My dad gave us a huge house deposit, I have never ever suggested that I get more say.

drspouse · 02/05/2023 15:52

Even if you had an extra bedroom (e.g. when DS1 moves out) why would DSS who is only there 6 days a month get the en suite? Like a PP I think DD is next in line for the attic and possibly DSS would get her room or the box room on his own as he's the oldest of the boys.

FernGully43 · 02/05/2023 15:54

So hold on, dss is supposed to get his own room when he's only there 3 weekends a month? That's ridiculous.

The rooms are fair how you've done them.

Theelephantinthecastle · 02/05/2023 15:55

drspouse · 02/05/2023 15:52

Even if you had an extra bedroom (e.g. when DS1 moves out) why would DSS who is only there 6 days a month get the en suite? Like a PP I think DD is next in line for the attic and possibly DSS would get her room or the box room on his own as he's the oldest of the boys.

Why should the DD be next in line when she has had her own room throughout? I would have said it was one of the boys who had had to share

Pipsquiggle · 02/05/2023 15:57

It is absolutely fine how it is.

Do NOT be bullied into changing anything for a child that stays approx 6 days out of 30. It's ridiculous.

LittleMrsPerfect · 02/05/2023 15:58

i think it’s fair but why can’t you eldest DS have your box room and you and DH take the en suite as there are two of you?

Mabelface · 02/05/2023 15:58

That would be a big fat nope and also a nope to further discussion as you're not moving ds1 out of his room, nor are you kicking him out. If dh and dss don't like it, well, dh can move out to his own house where dss can have his own room, plus space for the 3 younger ones too.

Skybluepinky · 02/05/2023 15:59

If DSS’s mum wants to pay for an extension that’s fine, if not u have the best set up u can in yr house.

BessieSurtees · 02/05/2023 16:02

The fact that he has his own room at home is even more reason that he can share at yours. I really don’t understand your DH perspective on this, his other children are sharing.

lunaloveroo · 02/05/2023 16:05

Current set up sounds fair.

hellodarknessmyoldfriend22 · 02/05/2023 16:05

Sounds perfectly fine to me. DSS is only there 6nights per month it would be totally ludicrous for him to have his own room.

If he really hates sharing could you get a sofa bed for the dining room if you have one and he sleeps there?

Entitled much Grin

DangerNoodles · 02/05/2023 16:06

Classic mumsnet double standards, imagine if a man was puffing his chest out telling his wife that the marital home is 'his' house. If you are actually married and he has contributed to the home then you might be in for a shock if you ever divorce. I agree with you OP that the younger boys should share, however it's totally out of order for you to say that he has no right to an opinion in your joint home. Maybe you both need to work out a solution to give your DS more privacy when he does visit, it must be difficult for him to share with a pair of full siblings.

Comefromaway · 02/05/2023 16:07

LittleMrsPerfect · 02/05/2023 15:58

i think it’s fair but why can’t you eldest DS have your box room and you and DH take the en suite as there are two of you?

I imagine its done for convenience. As a shift worker he will not disturb the rest of the house and vice versa using the main bathroom/in the main area of the house

jay55 · 02/05/2023 16:11

If he needs his own space he can pitch a tent.
3 weekends a month v full time rent payer is just a joke.

drspouse · 02/05/2023 16:23

Theelephantinthecastle · 02/05/2023 15:55

Why should the DD be next in line when she has had her own room throughout? I would have said it was one of the boys who had had to share

Show quote history

As she's the oldest who's in the house full time, I would have thought she'd be next in line for the en suite. Her moving to that would mean another bedroom free for the boys who are now sharing to no longer share, so they all benefit (from having an ensuite, from no longer sharing, or from not sharing with as many brothers).

Crunchymum · 02/05/2023 16:23

Dss is here 3 weekends a month

So is this what 6 days out of every 30?

Is you DH really proposing your older DS shares a room with his younger siblings 30 out of 30 days so DSS can have his own room a few days a month?

No fucking way does he get his own room and his mum is a CF for asking.

Theelephantinthecastle · 02/05/2023 16:31

drspouse · 02/05/2023 16:23

As she's the oldest who's in the house full time, I would have thought she'd be next in line for the en suite. Her moving to that would mean another bedroom free for the boys who are now sharing to no longer share, so they all benefit (from having an ensuite, from no longer sharing, or from not sharing with as many brothers).

Show quote history

I would give it to the oldest full time boy when the DS20 moves out - the girl has had all her life with her own space (which makes sense as the only girl) but the boys haven't, nice for one of them to get the en suite in due course to even that out a bit.

drspouse · 02/05/2023 16:34

You don't know that elephant - she could have shared with both of the younger boys until she was 10 - so she's only had her own space for 5 years out of her 15.

RedToothBrush · 02/05/2023 16:35

Your DSS is a spoilt brat who needs to suck it up.

There are perfectly valid reasons why the eldest, rent paying shift worker and only girl get separate rooms.

Does DSS have a 'valid' reason he should get his own room apart from a whiny teenage 'its not faaaiiiiiiirrrrrr?'

RedHelenB · 02/05/2023 16:37

If you're married the house is the family house, not yours. Having said that, there doesn't seem to be any other solution that's as practical

SpilltheTea · 02/05/2023 16:39

The way you're done it is fair.

mysonsmother82 · 02/05/2023 16:40

I can't believe your DH is suggesting your son should move out of a home he doesn't own so that his child can have a room.

Entitled much! If my husband acted like this I can't ever imagine wanting to have sex with him ever again.

I'd tell DH his options are a divided room (this makes the most sense or to get his own 2 bed flat/house.