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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband won't swim on holiday

356 replies

Starlightcloud · 01/05/2023 20:51

I have been with my husband for many years and most years we have gone on a holiday abroad with my family. The holiday revolves around food and drink and being in the pool. My husband doesn't drink, is quite fussy with food and doesn't ever go in the pool. None of this has ever been a particular problem and we all co-exist pretty well on holiday. It's definitely not my husbands favourite thing but he does enjoy elements of it.
We have since had a child who came on this abroad holiday with us for the first time last year. Being a typical 2 year old, she wanted to spend the whole time in the pool so it meant that I had to be in there with her for the whole holiday. Obviously we had a great time but it did put a big burden on me as I didn't feel able to leave her in the care of any of my family for any length of time as they are either young or irresponsible!
Fast forward to this year, I have spoken with my husband to see if he would feel comfortable going in the pool this year to share the responsibility (and fun!) But he has said no as he struggles with his body image (he has no reason to at all in my eyes but I know that's not the point!)
I'm also due on my period while we are away and since having my daughter they have been incredibly heavy so it does put me off being in the pool all day.
AIBU to expect my husband to come in the pool this year?
Probably worth saying that he would take her for walks etc but she just doesn't want to be away from the pool!
It's also a private pool so only us and my family would be in it.

OP posts:

matisses6fingers · 01/05/2023 20:52

That would annoy me too, OP.

loftconversi0n · 01/05/2023 20:54

Tell him to wear a rash vest. Problem solved

escapingthecity · 01/05/2023 20:54

Can he swim? If he's embarrassed about not being able to swim, or being a weak swimmer and unconfident in the water then YABU.
I have a friend who always refused to get in the water on holidays and they finally learned to swim in their early 30s because they were sick of being left out.

HadalyEve · 01/05/2023 20:54

Has he considered long knee length swimming trunks like they have in the US with a long sleeve rash shirt?

EVHead · 01/05/2023 20:54

Body image my arse. Getting in the pool is part of being a parent. It’s about the child having fun, not about him.

You see all sizes and shapes on holiday and no one cares.

delusionsofadequacy · 01/05/2023 20:55

could he can go in in a baggy T-shirt and big shorts? Then no one needs to see his body

cardibach · 01/05/2023 20:55

Coming at this from a slightly different perspective - why not find a holiday you all enjoy rather than trying to shoehorn him into one he doesn’t really like?

Botw1 · 01/05/2023 20:55

Does your oh ever get a say on where you go on holiday?

Notimeforaname · 01/05/2023 20:56

He can wear a top or a rash guard. Sorted.

Snowjokes · 01/05/2023 20:56

Can he swim properly? Mine can at a basic level, but he has no confidence and really worries about being in charge of a child in the pool. I’m trying to convince him to get lessons to improve his confidence. He’s never really admitted it, I’ve just figured it out over time.

TheSnowyOwl · 01/05/2023 20:56

It would annoy me if someone tried to force me to do something they clearly know I don’t want to do on holiday. Ou even say it’s not the entire holiday is not his thing but he does so year after year.

You can get very effective period swimwear or medication to stop your period. You can also be the parent and say no to your child, that she only goes in the pool when it’s convenient with you.

Do you usually try to force your DH to do what you want?

ToWhitToWhoo · 01/05/2023 20:56

If someone dislikes swimming, for whatever reason, they shouldn't be forced to.

I don't think a 2-year-old needs to be in the pool the whole time- what does she do all year round when not on holiday?

topcat2014 · 01/05/2023 20:56

Can he wear a loose t shirt? It took me until at least 40 before I stopped caring about being seen with no shirt on.

I'm normal size really but will never be mr 6 pack

BadgerFacedCoo · 01/05/2023 20:56

He's gone on holidays that don't suit him without complaint.

Now they no longer suit you perhaps it would be better to look at other holidays.

I do sympathise with the heavy periods, transamexic acid can be effective if you want a pool holiday.

I also sympathise with your husband. I have a visable disability and don't care for my body in swimwear either.

IamSuperTired · 01/05/2023 20:57

Can he wear a t shirt. I do have sympathy for you, but as someone who has had terrible body issues in the past, I do also sympathise with your DH. A t shirt in the pool might help?

wildfirewonder · 01/05/2023 20:57

You need to switch to a holiday house without a pool.

I think yabu expecting him to do something he doesn't feel comfortable with, and that he's never done, and obviously it is a lot for you to do it all.

OrigamiOwls · 01/05/2023 20:57

Does he ever get to go on holidays of his choosing?

YouveGotToGrooveIt · 01/05/2023 20:58

cardibach · 01/05/2023 20:55

Coming at this from a slightly different perspective - why not find a holiday you all enjoy rather than trying to shoehorn him into one he doesn’t really like?

I think this too.

Basically this guy is spending every year going on a holiday where he likes some of it but is tolerating the rest. Occasionally that might be fine but every year?

And now he's being pressured to swim as well. Another thing he doesn't enjoy.

Seems like it might be time to switch it up and do holidays he likes.

Unless maybe you already do and this is just one of a few holidays each year?

CrumpetsandJammmm · 01/05/2023 20:58

I sympathise because DH never learnt to swim as a child and so for him, it’s less about body image and more about feeling ridiculous that he’s a grown adult that can’t swim. (I know people will just say, oh, but he could learn, but finding the time and money and all that for adult swimming lessons isn’t that straightforward!).

He might get in a private pool, I think.

But I know the real issue for him is that he knows he can’t swim and so doesn’t feel confident being the adult in charge of a child in the pool, and I get that. Just like I’m a pretty rubbish cyclist and don’t drive, so I don’t feel confident being the adult in charge of my DC on bikes on a road.

So YABU.

Original poster

Starlightcloud · 01/05/2023 20:58

escapingthecity · 01/05/2023 20:54

He can swim and was a really good swimmer when he was younger but he hasn't been in a pool for years and years.
It is due to his body image which I know must be incredibly difficult (although he is tall and a perfectly normal weight! But again, appreciate that's not the point if you struggle with body image!)
I am struggling more this year with my own body image as I'm probably the heaviest and most unfit I've ever been but it wouldn't occur to me to not go in the pool as I would want my daughter to miss out or for my husband to have the sole responsibility in the pool.

OP posts:

Divorcedalongtime · 01/05/2023 20:58

There are period swimwear nowadays if it’s leakage you’re worried about.

Whaleandsnail6 · 01/05/2023 20:58

I think as long as he is willing to do other things with lo then it is a bit unfair to expect him to do the one thing with her that he really doesnt want to or enjoy.

Really doesnt sound like his kind of holiday though.

Hellocatshome · 01/05/2023 20:59

If she is 2 he doesnt need to be out of hks depth, tell him to wear t shirt and shorts and stand in the shallow end/paddling pool with her. My DH has horrendous body confidence issues as well as a phobia of water but even he could manage that.

SecretVictoria · 01/05/2023 20:59

Just tell your daughter no, why are you letting a toddler dictate that you “have to be in the pool all day”? If DH doesn’t want to then accept that and maybe, find a holiday he likes rather than expecting him to do this year after year? It would drive me mad!

YukoandHiro · 01/05/2023 20:59

Can he actually swim?

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