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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won't swim on holiday

356 replies

Starlightcloud · 01/05/2023 20:51

I have been with my husband for many years and most years we have gone on a holiday abroad with my family. The holiday revolves around food and drink and being in the pool. My husband doesn't drink, is quite fussy with food and doesn't ever go in the pool. None of this has ever been a particular problem and we all co-exist pretty well on holiday. It's definitely not my husbands favourite thing but he does enjoy elements of it.
We have since had a child who came on this abroad holiday with us for the first time last year. Being a typical 2 year old, she wanted to spend the whole time in the pool so it meant that I had to be in there with her for the whole holiday. Obviously we had a great time but it did put a big burden on me as I didn't feel able to leave her in the care of any of my family for any length of time as they are either young or irresponsible!
Fast forward to this year, I have spoken with my husband to see if he would feel comfortable going in the pool this year to share the responsibility (and fun!) But he has said no as he struggles with his body image (he has no reason to at all in my eyes but I know that's not the point!)
I'm also due on my period while we are away and since having my daughter they have been incredibly heavy so it does put me off being in the pool all day.
AIBU to expect my husband to come in the pool this year?
Probably worth saying that he would take her for walks etc but she just doesn't want to be away from the pool!
It's also a private pool so only us and my family would be in it.

OP posts:
Mortimercat · 01/05/2023 20:59

Yes YABU. And not just about the pool.

SwedishEdith · 01/05/2023 20:59

Probably your family being there isn't helping him. Poor bloke.

ToWhitToWhoo · 01/05/2023 20:59

Sorry -pressed 'send' too soon. Your dh should take her for walks as he suggested; show her 'sights'; play games with her; generally pull his weight looking after her, but it doesn't have to be swimming IMO.

YukoandHiro · 01/05/2023 21:00

Oh sorry cross posted with your reply to other PP

CrumpetsandJammmm · 01/05/2023 21:00

And yes, let the poor guy go on the kind of holiday he enjoys once in a while!!

Stripycatz · 01/05/2023 21:00

He needs to think about the messages he's giving his daughter around body confidence and attitude to exercise.
Can you make him see this? Could use this as a catalyst to address his body issues and improve his own confidence and self esteem?

Notimeforaname · 01/05/2023 21:00

He doesn't need ti be able to swim if that's what it was.
I cant swim and I burn very easily but Ill still get in the shallower end of the pool with a long sleeve rash guard with my partner because he loves the pool. This is his child..and its about safety as well as fun!.Hes a selfish dick.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/05/2023 21:00

My DM never got in the pool with us on holiday as she hated it. My DF never made her do this. No-one should be made do something they don't want to like this. Imagine if a woman came on here and said she had body image issues and her DH was trying to force her into a swimsuit and into the pool. There would be outrage all round.

HeavierThanHeaven · 01/05/2023 21:02

I hate swimming (for practical reasons more than anything) and I really do everything for my kids, but in the words of Meatloaf….I won’t do that. I mean, I do go in, but sparingly and I get zero joy out of it. I’m kind of on his side 😬

SwedishEdith · 01/05/2023 21:02

And you can get medication/continue taking the pill to delay your periods for your holiday.

TrashyPanda · 01/05/2023 21:03

Does your DH enjoy always going on holiday with your family?

it sounds like he isn’t taken into consideration at all

Cosyblankets · 01/05/2023 21:03

None of this has ever been a particular problem and we all co-exist pretty well on holiday. It's definitely not my husbands favourite thing but he does enjoy elements of it.

He shouldn't be forced to do something he doesn't enjoy.
You should be able to say no to your child. Your husband doesn't want to be in the pool at all and you don't want to be in there all the time. Find something you all enjoy

PinkyFlamingo · 01/05/2023 21:04

We always hire somewhere with a private pool as I love it, but even I couldn't spend all day in it! You are the parent, and you seem to be letting your 2 year old be in charge!

GrumpyCat3489 · 01/05/2023 21:04

Think you need to change your your holiday. I'd hate to be dragged to a pool side holiday if I didn't even want to undress to get in the pool.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/05/2023 21:04

Well I would suggest a short sleeve rash guard and longer trunks. Does he wear t-shirts and shorts? My DH wears a short sleeve rash guard for 2 reasons…one he burns really easily and he does have some embarrassment over his physique.

In my opinion it’s a win win. He’s not self conscious and he doesn’t get sunburn. Oh and his is bright orange so I can always find him. So triple win!

Barring that find other activities

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 01/05/2023 21:04

I hate swimming and tbh I would be pissed off if I was forced to go on pool type holidays every year.

CurlewKate · 01/05/2023 21:05

When mine were small the joy of a big family holiday was not having to look after my own children! Is there nobody else who can help? Obviously he needs to get his act together, but if he doesn't there must be someone else....

Stressybetty · 01/05/2023 21:05

If your husband doesn't really enjoy that sort of holiday why don't you ditch it this year and do something else just the 3 of you?

girlfriend44 · 01/05/2023 21:05

Starlightcloud · 01/05/2023 20:51

I have been with my husband for many years and most years we have gone on a holiday abroad with my family. The holiday revolves around food and drink and being in the pool. My husband doesn't drink, is quite fussy with food and doesn't ever go in the pool. None of this has ever been a particular problem and we all co-exist pretty well on holiday. It's definitely not my husbands favourite thing but he does enjoy elements of it.
We have since had a child who came on this abroad holiday with us for the first time last year. Being a typical 2 year old, she wanted to spend the whole time in the pool so it meant that I had to be in there with her for the whole holiday. Obviously we had a great time but it did put a big burden on me as I didn't feel able to leave her in the care of any of my family for any length of time as they are either young or irresponsible!
Fast forward to this year, I have spoken with my husband to see if he would feel comfortable going in the pool this year to share the responsibility (and fun!) But he has said no as he struggles with his body image (he has no reason to at all in my eyes but I know that's not the point!)
I'm also due on my period while we are away and since having my daughter they have been incredibly heavy so it does put me off being in the pool all day.
AIBU to expect my husband to come in the pool this year?
Probably worth saying that he would take her for walks etc but she just doesn't want to be away from the pool!
It's also a private pool so only us and my family would be in it.

Yanbu he's selfish. He should want to play with his child in the pool. It's all.part of being a dad and creating memories. Sounds a boring old fart to me.

Nobody's staring at him in.the pool anyway just an excuse.

Original poster
Starlightcloud · 01/05/2023 21:05

Thanks everyone. Genuinely appreciate hearing all angles on this.
So we do multiple holidays a year and none of the others would involve a pool.
It's just this one that we go on.

OP posts:
Flipflopflips · 01/05/2023 21:05

You've not answered why he has to go on a pool holiday with your family every year when it's obviously not his idea of fun, OP.

He's obviously a lovely guy if he does this year after year without complaining. If he was my husband I'd ask him what he actually wants from a holiday, and organise a completely different break around his likes/your little family, rather than him joining the in-laws every year doing something he blatantly doesn't really enjoy.

lailamaria · 01/05/2023 21:06

so every year your husband gets no say in where your family goes on holiday and people on here are actually agreeing that he should be forced to do something just because he's a parent, wow

Rumplestrumpet · 01/05/2023 21:06

Yeah my husband hates swimming and will always avoid it on holidays. Used to annoy me but now I accept that he'll do other stuff (early morning playground outings!) and I do swimming with the kids. As long as he pulls his weight it's OK.

But yes to a rash vest and board shorts (everyone should wear these really for sun protection) and encourage him to try the odd dip to help out, eg when ytour period is heavy

BeetleBailey · 01/05/2023 21:07

I feel sorry for your husband. He's been going away with your family for years and you know he doesn't like it

wildfirewonder · 01/05/2023 21:07

HeavierThanHeaven · 01/05/2023 21:02

I hate swimming (for practical reasons more than anything) and I really do everything for my kids, but in the words of Meatloaf….I won’t do that. I mean, I do go in, but sparingly and I get zero joy out of it. I’m kind of on his side 😬

Same, I just don't like swimming. My DH loves swimming. If he made me do swimming duty on holiday I'd be quite pissed off. I wouldn't make him go horse riding.