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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won't swim on holiday

356 replies

Starlightcloud · 01/05/2023 20:51

I have been with my husband for many years and most years we have gone on a holiday abroad with my family. The holiday revolves around food and drink and being in the pool. My husband doesn't drink, is quite fussy with food and doesn't ever go in the pool. None of this has ever been a particular problem and we all co-exist pretty well on holiday. It's definitely not my husbands favourite thing but he does enjoy elements of it.
We have since had a child who came on this abroad holiday with us for the first time last year. Being a typical 2 year old, she wanted to spend the whole time in the pool so it meant that I had to be in there with her for the whole holiday. Obviously we had a great time but it did put a big burden on me as I didn't feel able to leave her in the care of any of my family for any length of time as they are either young or irresponsible!
Fast forward to this year, I have spoken with my husband to see if he would feel comfortable going in the pool this year to share the responsibility (and fun!) But he has said no as he struggles with his body image (he has no reason to at all in my eyes but I know that's not the point!)
I'm also due on my period while we are away and since having my daughter they have been incredibly heavy so it does put me off being in the pool all day.
AIBU to expect my husband to come in the pool this year?
Probably worth saying that he would take her for walks etc but she just doesn't want to be away from the pool!
It's also a private pool so only us and my family would be in it.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 21/08/2023 05:26

Rachealfar · 20/08/2023 16:20

This sounds like my idea of a holiday hell. I love to observe family groups like this when away. A poor, beaten down husband on holiday with his wife’s extended family, trying his best to fit in while they swill pints of lagers and bowls of chips, getting louder and louder and redder and redder around the pool from 9am until a great table of carbs and saturated fat is presented. Now a mother, the wife feels she has some elevated status and is able to run down the man, possibly the only man who would marry her.

These loud families groups could be in any country in the world, but will cut and paste same holiday year after year. He’s either a saint or a fool.

@Starlightcloud, I could have interpreted this completely wrong, but just back from a family holiday, I’m still smiling at the memories of these family dynamics. Perhaps next year, you, your husband and child can holiday just the three of you. It’s possible then he’ll feel more a part of the holiday and not just their to do as he’s told. I bet he gets to carry the bags!

Well those are some serious judgy pants you've got on there!

Classism, sexism, you name it. A lot going on in your post!

Rachealfar · 21/08/2023 10:27

YukoandHiro · 21/08/2023 05:26

Well those are some serious judgy pants you've got on there!

Classism, sexism, you name it. A lot going on in your post!

Show quote history

Why classism?

Why sexism?

Comtesse · 21/08/2023 10:31

look at getting a period swimsuit for you - will make it easier for you to spend more time in the pool. I got some bikini bottoms for my teenage DD this year from Primark and was really pleased how well they worked.

Heronwatcher · 21/08/2023 10:32

I can see both sides here, but I think even if he doesn’t enjoy it he has to take his fair share of swimming time. Swimming is an important skill for young kids, and there are also likely to be many other things he might have to do which involve swim suits/ wetsuits etc.

If the body image thing is genuine then he needs to seek treatment or therapy for it IMO, as it’s affecting family life.

thing47 · 21/08/2023 10:45

Where's the evidence that it's affecting family life in general? The only thing it appears to be affecting is a holiday which OP's DH doesn't really want to go on, doesn't enjoy very much and has always gone on solely for the sake of OP. And even then the DH is happy to do other things with the child, just not swim.

Taking a toddler on a holiday with a bunch of people who are young and irresponsible (in OP's own words), who just want to eat and drink and can't be left in charge of said toddler sounds like a spectacular waste of AL to me.

Lavenderflower · 21/08/2023 10:55

I appreciate you difficulties but your husband had these difficulties before you child - I don't think it is realistic that he will change without professional help.

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