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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect some fanfare from DH for end of breastfeeding journey?

237 replies

Calmondeck · 30/04/2023 22:07

Just that really… I always intended to breastfeed (but had no concept of how all-consuming it is in the first 6 months and didn’t really know how/when to stop) and DH was quite anti-formula. When DC was 18 months I declared myself ready to stop but he was diagnosed with cancer and DH thought breastfeeding could be a tool to help with the many many hospitalisations. Now at 23 months, DC has decided he’s done. Which feels wonderful it’s come to its natural conclusion. DH has not reacted in any way. I don’t know what I expected, AIBU to expect anything? Secretly I wish he would take this moment to reflect on how much I have given… (not just milk)…

OP posts:
matisses6fingers · 30/04/2023 22:08

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OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 30/04/2023 22:09

What are you hoping for?

ThisSingleMama · 30/04/2023 22:09

Is this a thing? Poor bloke probably had no idea you are expecting some sort of reaction from him at all!

Confrontayshunme · 30/04/2023 22:10

I am so sorry about the cancer, but I don't know why you would want fanfare unless he has never expressed so much as a thank you or practical help in 23 months. A very gentle YABU from me.

ThisSingleMama · 30/04/2023 22:10

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Reluctantadult · 30/04/2023 22:11

I was thinking from the subject that this sounded a bit crackers, but then I read your post and I can see why a well done would be appreciated. I hope your little one is well now!

GoodVibesHere · 30/04/2023 22:11

Oh please

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 30/04/2023 22:11

I'm coming to the end of a 2 year bf ing journey and don't expect anything off anyone. Have the self esteem to give yourself your own fanfare. Congratulations on weaning and well wishes for your child, glad they are better.

Nimbostratus100 · 30/04/2023 22:12

I think you are reacting to the cancer, which must have been terrifying, not to the breast feeding, which is entirely normal

How is he now?

Barnbrack · 30/04/2023 22:13

Your baby was diagnosed with cancer? I'm so sorry, that's dreadful, is he doing ok now?

With the best will in the world I fed my eldest for 2.5 years partly due to his health issues but I didn't want fanfare when done, I was just so glad to have my body back to myself. From about 18 months I seem to develop a horrible aversion and I'm at 20 months with second on a slow wean and I just want to parent with my bra on at this point!

That said he was invested enough to be insistent you continue he should at least acknowledge your relief

LubaLuca · 30/04/2023 22:13

I assume you disagreed with your husband about carrying on breastfeeding after the diagnosis? In which case I can understand why you seem a bit resentful and like you gave more than you wanted to.

Not sure about fanfare, but recognition that you went beyond your natural willingness would be decent.

LittleBearPad · 30/04/2023 22:13

Journey.

Really?

mathanxiety · 30/04/2023 22:14

Is the cancer cured?

I would consider this more of a reason for a fanfare than the end of breastfeeding, tbh.

Barnbrack · 30/04/2023 22:15

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Have you breastfed? It can feel like a bit of a journey, many do us have issues getting established, there can be a lot of ups and downs etc. I agree I wouldn't expect fanfare but it's a bit of a specific time for a lot of women, not all but a lot.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 30/04/2023 22:15

Well done op.

Persevering with BF for so long, under really stressful circumstances can't have been easy at all. You should be really proud of yourself 💐

Offleyhoo · 30/04/2023 22:17

I am very sorry your poor baby has been ill but I don't think you can expect any sort of fanfare for the normal aspects of parenting.

rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 22:17

Be proud of yourself you have done a fantastic job Flowers

Original poster
Calmondeck · 30/04/2023 22:17

Thanks @HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew

God it feels like a journey and a half to me. But clearly I am sounding like a crazy person.

DC’s cancer isn’t cured.

OP posts:
TheEarlofButties · 30/04/2023 22:18

I have a friend who’s son had cancer at that age. Although everyone including her, rightly focused on her little boy getting better she was absolutely traumatised by the 24/7 slog of caring for a her little boy/ being part of all the horrible things he had to go through- massive respect for all the sacrifices you have made to help get him better. Treat yourself to something lovely and tell your DH how you feel about it all, don’t let resentment build up, life is too short.

JulianCasa · 30/04/2023 22:18

I think from your DH that is fair. It’s a huge commitment, all the night wakes for so long. My own DH was v proud of my own feeding achievements. I didn’t get any fanfare but he took lots of special photos of me feeding when we were in a nice setting so I had those memories xx

TommyLeeRoycesTinyArsePhone · 30/04/2023 22:19

I get it, it is a massive deal. And I’m so sorry about what you have been through as a family. .

I also fed through months of scary health and hospital stuff with DS1. Planned to stop then didn’t because of hospital and only eventually stopped because I was pregnant.

I don’t think DH is necessarily being a nob not to clock onto this, it wouldn’t be so surprising for it not to have occurred to him.

Would you like to mark it? There are some nice jewellery options with milk if you would. I am slightly eyeing up something like this for when the time comes, but I don’t expect DH to know this without me telling him!

https://milkdiamonds.co.uk/products/classic-breastmilk-ring-the-essential-collection

Look after yourself, it is really emotional and a bit weird hormonally when you stop.

Classic Breastmilk Ring - The Essential Collection

The Classic Breastmilk Ring is part of Essential Collection, making it easier than ever to access our most affordable pieces. It's available in three stone sizes with breastmilk and a choice of lustre included in the price. It's made with sterling silv...

https://milkdiamonds.co.uk/products/classic-breastmilk-ring-the-essential-collection

Nimbostratus100 · 30/04/2023 22:21

Calmondeck · 30/04/2023 22:17

Thanks @HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew

God it feels like a journey and a half to me. But clearly I am sounding like a crazy person.

DC’s cancer isn’t cured.

how is he?

Nimbostratus100 · 30/04/2023 22:21

how are you coping?

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2023 22:23

Calmondeck · 30/04/2023 22:17

Thanks @HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew

God it feels like a journey and a half to me. But clearly I am sounding like a crazy person.

DC’s cancer isn’t cured.

I’m very sorry to hear that, I hope his prognosis is good.
However, I don’t think any fanfare is required re the end of BF.
You aren’t crazy though, just understandably stressed

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2023 22:24

Could posters please consider when they are posting sarcastic and unkind answers, they are doing it to a woman with a sick child?

OP, considering that your DH was anti-formula AND wanted you to carry on when you wanted to stop, yes, he could acknowledge the work you've out in. I assume a lot of the caring, lost sleep and comforting were solely on you because of BFing? He should be appreciative.