To expect some fanfare from DH for end of breastfeeding journey?

[Calmondeck]

Just that really… I always intended to breastfeed (but had no concept of how all-consuming it is in the first 6 months and didn’t really know how/when to stop) and DH was quite anti-formula. When DC was 18 months I declared myself ready to stop but he was diagnosed with cancer and DH thought breastfeeding could be a tool to help with the many many hospitalisations. Now at 23 months, DC has decided he’s done. Which feels wonderful it’s come to its natural conclusion. DH has not reacted in any way. I don’t know what I expected, AIBU to expect anything? Secretly I wish he would take this moment to reflect on how much I have given… (not just milk)…

Well done OP!! To all those that mocked you about calling it a 'journey' obviously have no idea. It's bloody hard work and at times constant and relentless. You've done amazingly well and should feel very proud. Ignore the nasty comments, they are completely unnecessary and say more about the posters than about you. Wishing you and your DS all the best 💐

Oh calm down, the father is allowed a scientific opinion, surely. Not to override wishes of the mum, but he can say I'd prefer you breastfed.

OP you are amazing. For some of us breast feeding is super hard and it takes a lot to keep going with it. Then you had such awful news about your dc which obviously rocked your world and you kept feeding during that time when you would have been absolutely shattered and desperately worried. I think some people see it as easy. Pop boobs out and baby has food when in fact it can be extremely painful and tiring but we do it because either we are expected to or we want to. My first was formula fed. My other two were bf. I even breast fed my youngest while by db was in intensive care and then his funeral and the court case after. I think yes we do want acknowledgment that we are coping with so much along with feeding. It's not like you can ask someone else to do it so you can have some respite from an awful situation. Sorry for rambling. I really truly hope your dc is improving and life can be so less traumatic for you all xxx

Some of the comments on here are so horrible.

you’ve done a great job to get to 23 months anyone who has breastfed knows it’s not easy and it is a journey with lots of ups and downs. you give so much of yourself to the little one especially if they are exclusively breastfed as they seek only you a lot of the time and it can be exhausting. Well done

pa i how your little one gets better soon xx

I would be doubly annoyed if I was in your circumstances and my husband celebrated me having breastfed for so long having pressured me into doing so, at least to some extent against my wishes, and while you’re all still going through such a nightmarish situation. I’d want to hear significantly less not more from him on the topic of his opinions on you breastfeeding (and I imagine his opinions on anything if he’s like that with other things). It does sound though like you’ve given your son an irreplaceable kind of comfort when it was desperately needed, you should be so proud of yourself for giving that to him.

While I feel that your husband was being unreasonable for pushing breastfeeding, I do think you are being unreasonable for expecting fanfare. I feel cruel saying this, but also I feel like their diagnosis takes priority and it's reasonable for the breastfeeding journey to not register.

What about getting yourself a piece of breastmilk jewellery made?

Goodness OP you've had a very tough time. My DS just stopped of his own accord at about 19 months so I never actually thought this is his last feed. My DH definitely didn't notice. I had such an awful time with my DD and couldn't feed her myself that breast feeding DS took on quite mythical qualities. I wonder if with all the stress you've had that breast feeding is taking a slightly unreal quality for you? You've done an amazing job and I hope that things improve for you soon.

I've seen some people getting cakes to celebrate which I think is quite sweet. It is pretty personal, breastmilk jewellery is a bit marmite but you can freeze a little milk incase you want to do it later. I think you are pretty deserving of a little celebration privately from DH for what you have done for your family.

Not really the same subject but my DH left a necklace with a rainbow and birthdtone on my pillow on the day I was supposed to be due after a miscarriage. There was no great fanfare and I'm aware millions of people have miscarriages but it was the most touching thing to have something tangible and that someone else remembered.

Calmondeck Well done for sticking with it for so long, it is an achievement. I hope your little one is well soon. I can't imagine what you and your family must be going through.

Maybe when they can do brain surgery to install empathy, you could have that.

Much more useful.

That sounds revolting, when my OH died the undertaker had a range of tacky products that could be made with ashes! He would have haunted me forever had I bought any of those.

You have been through a lot and it's still ongoing, so I can understand your feelings. Men don't breastfeed or carry the baby, and if you bf without combi feeding in the early months it is hard going. You do give your body up to an extent, but unless you've physically carried a child it must be hard to fathom the body changes involved. From his perspective it is just something you do that he can't.

I've breastfed for eight years of my life almost, and a lot of it I wasn't really happy about either. My kids didn't want to give it up. I'm done breastfeeding but I'm still bloody lactating after all this time and think i'm carrying extra weight because of the prolactin! In many ways I wish I ff, but maybe I will look back in 5 years and be glad of it.

i hope your son makes a recovery and you do acknowledge that this was a huge source of comfort for your son, and you should be proud of yourself for continuing even though you didnt want to. I do agree that your DH should appreciate you continuing, and he probably does, but sometimes people don't think to say anything, and with what is going on in your life he might be too preoccupied with your sons health to mention anything.

Imagine being a dick to the mother of a baby with cancer.

And no, breastfeeding should absolutely not be a basic expectation of a mother.

Ignore the critics @Calmondeck, if you are supporting your toddler through cancer treatment, most people have no idea what you are going through. Extended breastfeeding can be hugely beneficial and you have done your DS a massive kindness in what you have done. I think this is probably more about your DH not really understanding how much you have given to this, maybe try to tell him?

Have a fanfare 💐

I‘m sorry to hear your DC has cancer. Giving up BF was for me hugely emotional and also it can set off a bit of a temporary hormonal rollercoaster. But I wouldn’t blame any non-breastfeeding parent for not giving this much thought or understanding the significance for you.

I completely agree, and thought the same.
Your DH was against formula, so pushed you to do it in the first place (and then to continue whilst going through such an awful time) ffs I’d expect him to show some gratitude for all the dedication and perseverance. Lots of love to you and your boy x

A man who thinks he has a right to be anti-formula isn't going to appreciate how hard and relentless breastfeeding is. You've done really well to stick at it all this time, through everything. I'm sure it was exhausting.

I've a feeling this isn't just about breastfeeding though, but rather a wider feeling of being unappreciated and taken for granted in your relationship.

Just want to wish all the best to you and your baby. 💞

This thread has made me realise that occasionally it is worth thanking your partner or others for the "mundane" things they do day in day out. In the case of the OP she has successfully fed the baby for 2 years, that period is behind them, a new one ahead, no harm in having a mini celebration for these events. It's made me think about this at least. Well done OP !

I get it OP, I fed my baby DC1 through very serious illness then disability, and it was one of the most gruelling things I've done, it took huge amounts of mental and physical stamina at the most traumatic time in our lives. It was also incredibly lonely at times, not to mention exhausting. I don't think many people can understand it unless they've been through it themselves, it is nothing like a "normal" breastfeeding experience. (DC2 who was born early, tongue tied, with me having a huge aversion & birth injuries was absolutely nothing in comparison.) You should be incredibly proud of yourself, you gave your child comfort and most likely boosted his immune system at a time when he needed it most. With everything you have gone/are going through as a family it probably hasn't occurred to your OH to remember this, I think you should talk to him and explain how you feel, I'm sure he'll want to acknowledge it for you. From one mum to another well done. I hope your DS makes a good recovery x

Do any mums who formula fed celebrate their ‘journey’?

I’m sorry your DC has cancer, what an awful thing to have to have to go though, I don’t quite understand your DH’s opinion on continuing to BF, was it for comfort for your child being in hospital?

Absolutely no-one would be dictating to me how my body was used for feeding a child or not. My body, my choice.

I really don’t understand why people need BF jewellery or a fanfare tbh and this comes from a mum who decided to BF. The craziness on here over FF or BF is mind blowing. Feed your child how you see fit, when your children are adults you certainly don’t sit and think “oh I remember breastfeeding” and as for jewellery, would someone in their 70’s look at a breast milk necklace and think of it fondly? I don’t think so…

Can’t believe anyone would vote YABU. Well done OP. It’s hard work especially having a sick child. You should be proud and so should your OH.

You breastfed for nearly two years while your baby fought cancer.
You get all the medals... all the love, sincerely and from the heart, OP.
That's as tough as it gets. I really hope that good health stays right by your family's side, all the way.
As for your DH... I'm a bit lost for words. After all the effort he put into encouraging breastfeeding, you'd think he'd notice of its completion and acknowledge this sort of rite of passage. Odd that's he's so quiet about it.