To expect some fanfare from DH for end of breastfeeding journey?

[Calmondeck]

Just that really… I always intended to breastfeed (but had no concept of how all-consuming it is in the first 6 months and didn’t really know how/when to stop) and DH was quite anti-formula. When DC was 18 months I declared myself ready to stop but he was diagnosed with cancer and DH thought breastfeeding could be a tool to help with the many many hospitalisations. Now at 23 months, DC has decided he’s done. Which feels wonderful it’s come to its natural conclusion. DH has not reacted in any way. I don’t know what I expected, AIBU to expect anything? Secretly I wish he would take this moment to reflect on how much I have given… (not just milk)…

I just read your update. I think you are truly amazing. And although my previous post was positive. I feel I need to say it louder.

You have done such a wonderful thing for your child at a time they really needed it.

Doesn't matter what anyone says. You have made a true sacrifice and you should be incredibly proud of yourself.

I BF for 2 years as my son was constantly ill. But by no means have I been through what you have been through. People don't really understand, how hard it is.

OP you and your DS have been through so much and my heart goes out to you ❤️❤️ I hope with all my heart that your DS gets better soon and you can put this all behind you .

It's true though. Not one other single person in the world gives a flying fudge about how I used my tits when my babies were young. It's just fact. Breastfeeding is great, many can't do it though and those expecting ticker tape parades for doing it make THOSE women feel like shit. So breastfeed if you want, but it's seriously not something anyone else cares to mark as an occasion (unlike weddings etc, stupid comparisons let's be honest 🙄)

I give a flying fuck. I think breastfeeding a child while they're sick with cancer is fucking incredible.

I mean it's sad if your spouse and the father of the child you've fed can't even say anything supportive to acknowledge it, especially as he seemed very keen on it. Of course strangers on the whole aren't bothered, but what a sad state of affairs we are in if people can't talk about breastfeeding for fear of upsetting others. I agree with a PP, extended breastfeeding your child with cancer is bloody brilliant, and that's not a sleight to anyone who didn't BF.

I agree OP. Incredible, it would have been so comforting for your child and I hope it will hold special memories for me too. I was slightly happy when my DC stopped breastfeeding, as it meant my DH could now do bedtime. But everyone and then I do miss it, it's such a special experience. I can't believe I'm thinking it, but I almost wish it had lasted longer! (But also no!). Fabulous OP, we will celebrate with you! A milestone 🙌

I'm sure some will be annoyed with my post, but I don't think everyone should be angry at the husband. My husband spent hours doing research, came to all my scans, appointments and classes. He really wanted me to breastfeed and to have a natural birth, he had done the research and knew it had the best outcomes for our baby and for me. I would assume OPs DH is the same and there's nothing wrong with that. There is a difference between encouraging and forcing. You can share information and knowledge with someone while still respecting them and their choices, and supporting them in whatever they decide

Another one here with many a flying fuck to give.

When feeding my eldest I was in a breastfeeding FB group. Mostly I muted it, but there was a woman who had been about to wean when her toddler was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer with a poor survival rate.

Every time I found it gruelling being the only one to be able to comfort my daughter in that way, I thought of her. Every time I was grateful to get nutrients in mid tummy bug, I thought of her. Every time I felt exhausted from the night wakenings and slightly resentful that DH couldn't do half the overnight,I thought of her.

I think both she and OP are incredible.

Any woman who breastfeeds or tries to, even just once is amazing. It’s a big thing to give part of yourself to another human, especially after the marathon that is pregnancy.

You deserve celebrating xxx ❤️

Oh, and birth! Forgot that little thing we have to get over to bring our children into the world 😂

Yet another mean-spirited response. I don't know where you people crawl out of. Mentioning breastfeeding is like a red rag to a bull!!! So much jealousy around it. Why can't people just own their choice? Breastfeeding is a huge commitment which is clearly one of the reason some mums choose not to do it. You are your baby's sole source of sustenance, 24/7.

If you didn't or couldn't, that's fine. It doesn't take away from the fact the extended b'fing in particular in this country, is an achievement.

So @Tessabelle74, because you feel that someone marking the end of breastfeeding makes women like you feel shit, you have decided to make the OP, with her little boy ill with cancer, and currently heavily pregnant, feel shit instead. Oh my. The sisterhood!!!

The OP only wants her husband to acknowledge it, you know, the guy who was so keen on breastfeeding in the first place?? She doesn't give a flying one about the likes of you and your nasty remarks.

@Calmondeck - your update shows that you absolutely deserve recognition - I'm not sure I could have breastfed during early pregnancy, as well as everything else you had going on. Congratulations on your pregnancy, hope all goes well. I hope your little boy will soon be cancer-free too. x

For all of you who feel the need to carp about breastfeeding, take your nastiness elsewhere! As for those of you who have posted shitty responses, you should hang your heads in shame (and get them deleted!)

I think you've done a fantastic thing - especially continuing when you wanted to stop but your husband wanted you to

I felt emotional when I stopped breastfeeding when I finally got to parent with my bra on as a pp said. I was relieved as i'd been hoping for self weaning but didn't happen, but it had been such a big part of my life that it was a bit sad too.

I think you should talk to your husband, about how this is an emotional time for you, and how you're really proud of yourself for breastfeeding for so long, and that you'd like him to acknowledge this.

I've heard it all on here too now.

People going out of their way to be sarcastic and snarky to the mum of a child who has cancer is some of the most spiteful behaviour I've witnessed on here. Says a lot about the people who can read the ops posts and still find a way to get a dig in though.

To all the horrible posters on here, I shouldn't bite but I cannot believe the spite, I'm honestly just gobsmacked that you can be this way to a mother who's child has cancer. Breastfeeding a very ill child through hospital treatment in ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like feeding a child in normal circumstances and yes I am a great believer in a mother's choice/fed is best etc. You are there night and day, you NEVER get a break and need to do all the nightfeeds without respite, often whilst trying to sleep on a busy ward, woken non stop by other parents and their suffering children who may cry all night. You try and hold your ill child without dislodging all the wires they are hooked up to, on unsupportive godawful hospital chairs at a cramped bedside, often ending up with terrible back and neck pain because you daren't move your child into a better position for fear of hurting them or dislodging a cannula. They might be violently sick all over you, as happened to me multiple times, and try getting cleaned up in a hospital bathroom/toilet that you are sharing with multiple other parents and no easy access to clean clothes/private space. You offer feeds to provide comfort to a hysterical child after every painful or traumatic medical procedure, so you are there for all of the most unbearable, stressful parts. It utterly wears you down physically and mentally but you do it because you hope that your passive immunity might help your ill child survive, or at least comfort them through the pain and trauma they are going through. And that is before you even get to the part where you are worried day and might that you might lose your child. OP, I'm so sorry you have been subjected to such nastiness, but you are so much better than that and you deserve a medal for getting through it and allowing your child to decide when to wean themselves. I really hope your DH appreciates what you have gone through. And yes, I have every respect for parents who FF, but OPs DS was ALREADY breastfed so hardly the ideal time to stop. This thread has reminded me how toxic Mumsnet can be and I will be stepping away. @MNHQ please review this thread and consider deleting the nasty posts. It's enough to make you lose faith in humanity. OP, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your lovely DS, I wish him a speedy recovery and sending huge hugs to you. Rant over.

@Heydiddlelidl, very well said. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been there can even begin to understand, but several posters here seem to have had a basic humanity bypass.

@Heydiddlelidl agree with PP, very well said. I’m glad someone else has raised this with @MNHQ because the culture on this site is getting increasingly toxic

But sad if your child's other parent doesn't give a shit

@allmyliesaretrue women like me?? What am I like then? Did I say I did or didn't breastfeed? Nope! I deliberately didn't say because NO ONE CARES. I clearly said I hope the OPS's son makes a full recovery, but that wasn't the question was it? It was did we believe she was being unreasonable at not getting a fanfare at the end of breastfeeding her child, and I think she is. The old adage of don't ask a question if you won't like the answer springs to mind

If he had done the research he may have learned that what you want does not always work out. My dh wanted me to breastfeed and have a natural birth. I did both but not because of him. I was just lucky!

Well said @allmyliesaretrue and @Heydiddlelidl

It's so depressing seeing how some posters have felt the need to be nasty to OP.

Me too. I think you are amazing OP.

Ignore the bastards on this thread.

Wishing your son all the best

@Tandora @Jemandthehologramsunite
We can absolutely call a bodily function an achievement. I'm sure some people can't because of their MH or because their body won't allow them to produce milk but do we not still call running a marathon an achievement when others won't or can't do it?

Anyone who has breastfed, even for a week, will be able to tell you it's not as easy as it's made out to be in the beginning. Personally, I've only known 2 other people who have breastfed beyond 6 months.

This is an outdated study and I'd be curious to see the figures now since the "support" given to me with both my kids was atrocious and I ended up at breastfeeding cafes and private lactation consultants. Post pandemic, the health visiting service and breastfeeding teams are really failing mothers where I live so a snapshot now may highlight that.

From the study by WHO:
'The initial breastfeeding rate increased from 76 per cent in 2005 to 81 per cent in 2010 in the UK. This includes all babies who were put to the breast at all, even if this was on one occasion only, and also includes giving expressed breastmilk.
The highest incidences of breastfeeding were found among mothers aged 30 or over (87 per cent), those from minority ethnic groups (97 per cent for Chinese or other ethnic group, 96 per cent for Black and 95 per cent for Asian ethnic group), those who left education aged over 18 (91 per cent), those in managerial and professional occupations (90 per cent) and those living in the least deprived areas (89 per cent).
The prevalence of breastfeeding fell from 81 per cent at birth to 69 per cent at one week, and to 55 per cent at six weeks. At six months, just over a third of mothers (34 per cent) were still breastfeeding.
Mothers continued to breastfeed for longer in 2010 than was the case in 2005. The gap in breastfeeding levels at birth between 2005 and 2010 was five percentage points (76 per cent in 2005 compared with 81 per cent in 2010) and by six months the gap became nine percentage points (25 per cent in 2005 compared to 34 per cent in 2010). This suggests that policy developments to improve support and information provided to mothers to encourage them to continue breastfeeding may have had an impact.
Across the UK, 69 per cent of mothers were exclusively breastfeeding at birth in 2010. At one week, less than half of all mothers (46 per cent) were exclusively breastfeeding, while this had fallen to around a quarter (23 per cent) by six weeks. By six months, levels of exclusive breastfeeding had decreased to one per cent, indicating that very few mothers were following the UK health departments' recommendation that babies should be exclusively breastfed until around the age of six months.
There has been an increase in the prevalence of exclusive breastfeeding at birth (from 65 per cent in 2005 to 69 per cent in 2010), but there has been little change thereafter up until six weeks. However, the fall-out rate in later months was lower in 2010 than 2005. For example, at three months, 17 per cent of mothers were still breastfeeding exclusively (up from 13 per cent in 2005) and at four months, 12 per cent were still breastfeeding exclusively (up from 7 per cent in 2005).'

This.

I see what you mean but I wouldn’t call running a marathon a basic bodily function.
Breastfeeding is more akin to getting pregnant, giving birth or having a well functioning bowel system- lots of people can’t manage these things, although most people can, and we recognise that being able to do so is not a function of a person’s (moral) worth.
Language is important here- “achievement” is laden with value judgement.
It grosses me out in the same way when people celebrate vaginal birth as a great “achievement”.
The reasons breastfeeding rates are so low in this country are varied and complex, we also have to recognise that choice is a factor here- not all women want and choose to breastfeed , especially after 6 months. this is valid.
Another factor is probably the discourse around how exceptionally hard it is to breastfeed. Part of supporting more women who want to bf is normalising breastfeeding. Rates of breastfeeding in many countries is closer to 90%.

I say these things as a mum to two exclusively bf babies- the first who fed beyond two, and the second is still going strong at 18 months. Breastfeeding is exhausting no doubt about it, and OP deserves recognition, appreciation and support from her husband for all that she does/ sacrifices , including with her body.

There's no need to be gratuitiously nasty!!

FWIW I am quietly proud that I breastfed my babies. Just take a look at the figures!! It IS an achievement, far more so that giving birth vaginally or whatever else you come up with - because it involves perseverance, dedication and personal sacrifice whatever you might think. Giving birth is not under anyone's control.