Page 2 | To expect some fanfare from DH for end of breastfeeding journey?

WandaWonder · 30/04/2023 22:25

Is this the new 'push present' (i do hate that expression)

Matchymatchylemonscratchy · 30/04/2023 22:26

I hope your son starts to progress soon.

Next time do what is right for you. Your DH can fuck right off with his anti formula stance. It’s your body and your decision.

airey · 30/04/2023 22:27

I’ll give you a fanfare! You’re amazing!

23 months is incredible

(my DH, loving gentle man though he is, would not have thought of the significance of this either…. But us women know! Big respect to you)

sending so much love and light to your family at this tough time

x

TheEarlofButties · 30/04/2023 22:27

OP if I were you I would request your thread be deleted. Sometimes people don’t read the thread and I fear you’re going to get a lot of mean answers. You know you’ve done an amazing job under horrendous circumstances and that your DH should recognise that. Look after yourself x

jays · 30/04/2023 22:27

I’m so sorry to hear about your dc’s cancer diagnosis, that’s truly awful, I really hope they, and you are doing ok x

Anothnamechang · 30/04/2023 22:28

I breastfed my middle child until she was around 4 and by the end up I was absolutely glad to have my body back to myself however I just quietly celebrated. We didn’t have the same journey as you and honestly if I were you I’d be absolutely proud of yourself regardless to what hubby has or hasn’t done. You continued through until your child decided to stop and had the turmoil of your child’s diagnosis and that couldn’t have been made any easier with night feeds!

Well done to you 💕

CornishTiger · 30/04/2023 22:28

Breastfeeding is a journey. At times it can be blissful, easy and much more practical than formula feeding. Other times it can feel suffocating , exhausting and very much burdensome. And those extremities can alter within one feed.

Id have expected some acknowledgment from partner when I’d stopped feeding. It is a huge achievement. Well done.

TommyLeeRoycesTinyArsePhone · 30/04/2023 22:29

I do not know why you are getting such a hard time here. It’s a massive deal in straightforward cases and OP and her baby have been through so much more.

Presumably feeding was used to comfort baby through all kinds of procedures, and meant OP absolutely had to be the default parent in hospital on some of the hardest nights. And life remains uncertain now and stuff that shouldn’t have happened to her baby did.

Fucking well done OP. You gave so much and it isn’t wanky or weird to call it a journey.

And yes given that DH was so keen on it as much as it might not have occurred to him to do a fanfare some acknowledgement would be nice.

bucketfull · 30/04/2023 22:32

My dh never suggested I continue/ stop, it wasn't for him to tell me that.

But I do get what you're saying. I was so proud of myself, knowing how hard it was for me at times. It was a huge thing! An empathetic, thoughtful husband would've probably acknowledged that in some way when I finally stopped.

You've done great! Be proud! Sending healing thoughts to your little one.

Sux2buthen · 30/04/2023 22:33

Assuming some idiots aren't reading the full post, that's the only explanation for the dickish answers.
Sorry for all you're dealing with OP

nofusspot · 30/04/2023 22:36

Seeing as he's the one who forced to to carry on then yes a bit of appreciation wouldn't go amiss

ShoesoftheWorld · 30/04/2023 22:36

It sounds as if your dh might have, if not pushed you, been a factor in you going beyond what you were comfortable with wrt bf. So yes, frankly, he could and should have given you some recognition.

I hope your little boy's treatment (if the diagnosis was 5 months ago perhaps he is still going through it?) goes well and that cure comes soon.

Tandora · 30/04/2023 22:37

So sorry to hear of your DS’s diagnosis. 💐

YABU re the husband/ breastfeeding/ fanfare. Your boobs are not your husbands property. He should neither be telling you when to breastfeed (cancer or no cancer) nor making a fanfare to celebrate your breastfeeding. It’s your body, your decision and between you and baby.

Having said that, your DH should be empathetic to how hard you have found bf and appreciative of all you do in general. YANBU to want that xx

Burpcloth · 30/04/2023 22:39

I get it OP, huge part of you and your son's life, and a big part of how you and your partner parented until now. I agree with previous posters in that it it not occurring to your partner is probably pretty normal and not indicative of anything about him. But I know I'd still feel the loss of that acknowledgement!

Guiltridden12345 · 30/04/2023 22:41

Crikey Op, I’m giving you fanfare just because you are living with a baby with cancer which I cannot imagine. Surprised some responses seemingly missed that point. I suspect this enormous life changing worry may be relevant to your emotions here, as is the apparent pressure from your partner to breastfeed at all and longer than you would have chosen. Really hope your baby gets better soon and I hope you’ll feel better too for having your boobs back. And sometimes yes, you want to be told you did s good job as a parent, especially when emotionally vulnerable. You did a good job op, you can be confident in that.

FirstFallopians · 30/04/2023 22:41

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2023 22:24

Could posters please consider when they are posting sarcastic and unkind answers, they are doing it to a woman with a sick child?

OP, considering that your DH was anti-formula AND wanted you to carry on when you wanted to stop, yes, he could acknowledge the work you've out in. I assume a lot of the caring, lost sleep and comforting were solely on you because of BFing? He should be appreciative.

Just wanted to highlight this as an astute response to this specific situation.

I don’t think OP is unreasonable for expecting some kind of acknowledgment of the fact that she has prioritised her DH’s opinion (as well as her DC’s comfort) over her own physical and mental health, especially as the husband was the one pushing really pushing it.

CleanSheetsCupOfTea · 30/04/2023 22:42

Really surprised at some of the comments here.

OP you have done amazingly and fully deserve a fanfare!! Breastfeeding can be so all consuming and must be even more so with a sick child.

I would expect some form of acknowledgment from my partner and mine was supportive of breastfeeding and proud of how long I breastfed for but it was my friends that also breastfed that were the ones with the fanfares because they got it in a way that he didn’t and wouldn’t ever be able to.

Congratulations on breastfeeding for so long, you should be really bloody proud of yourself. Wishing your DS all the best 💐

Americano75 · 30/04/2023 22:43

I was going to suggest the jewellery, I really wish I had got a piece made myself.

And I have to also echo what other posters have said, can some people just for once dial down the fucking snark? It's not hard.

MumApril1990 · 30/04/2023 22:43

Well done OP it is a big deal. DH’s aren’t likely to think on it, but if you’re in a local or online breastfeeding group you could post about it and I’m sure other Mums will comment. Or if your DC had a baby milestone book you could write a lovely message about your breastfeeding journey together?

MumApril1990 · 30/04/2023 22:44

Has anybody mentioned the jewellery you can get with breast milk? You could get yourself something or as DH to

Putyourdamnshoeson · 30/04/2023 22:45

Bless you, well done and I hope your DC improves and recovers very soon.
But...I bf 2 DC, they overlapped, as in I was pg with dc2 and still feeding 1, she stopped, told me it 'tasted yucky now' at 22 months, then fed dc2 until he was 2. So was pg and/or bf for 5 years solid.
I was a bit sad when DC 2 stopped, and told DH who hugged me and made me a tea.
I don't really know why you'd want a fanfare.

JenniferBarkley · 30/04/2023 22:46

YANBU at all OP. I found BF all-encompassing at times, and pre children had not realised just how much of me I would be giving them, if that makes any sense. Not that I begrudged them, but I don't think it's an unusual way to feel - and that's with healthy babies.

My eldest finished on a nursing strike which was very stressful, but I knew I when I sat down with my youngest that that would be my last ever feed. I was glad to be done, but very emotional at the end of this phase of our lives. I would have appreciated a cuddle and a few words of appreciation for all I had given our children but I don't think DH fully appreciated what a big moment that was for me.

I'm so sorry your baby is sick. I hope brighter times are ahead for all of you.

Tophy124 · 30/04/2023 22:46

I really hope your little one gets better. I can’t imagine how traumatizing this has all been for you too.

But I do think yabu on the BFing. I think it was unreasonable also for your husband to think he had a say. I found formula feeding and getting baby to eat at all really challenging and we worked on it together as a team. Maybe that’s the part you missed out on? I hope you know you did have a choice to stop even with DH pressuring you and that if you have another child you can stop at any time or even not BF at all.

DeoForty · 30/04/2023 22:46

It is a journey and two years of breastfeeding, through a cancer diagnosis is a bigger journey than most. Well done. All the fanfare here.

FlyingPandas · 30/04/2023 22:47

Calmondeck · 30/04/2023 22:07

Just that really… I always intended to breastfeed (but had no concept of how all-consuming it is in the first 6 months and didn’t really know how/when to stop) and DH was quite anti-formula. When DC was 18 months I declared myself ready to stop but he was diagnosed with cancer and DH thought breastfeeding could be a tool to help with the many many hospitalisations. Now at 23 months, DC has decided he’s done. Which feels wonderful it’s come to its natural conclusion. DH has not reacted in any way. I don’t know what I expected, AIBU to expect anything? Secretly I wish he would take this moment to reflect on how much I have given… (not just milk)…

DH was 'quite anti formula'?????

WTAF?

This sort of thing boils my actual piss, OP.

No man has the right to be 'anti formula'. It is borderline controlling/abusive - essentially he wants to dictate what you do with your body and it is NOT his choice or his right to do that. Was he also 'anti pain relief' in labour?

You, the, mother, makes the choice to BF or not. No man gets to choose what you do with your body. A mother chooses whether or not to BF, a father does not get to dictate that choice.

You have had a horrendously stressful time with your DC's illness OP and I am really sorry to hear that. I hope his prognosis is good and that he recovers well. I hope your DH is less of an arse than is suggested in your post.