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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

264 replies

Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 18:39

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

OP posts:
Zola1 · 30/04/2023 18:41

Goady 😂 if you can't afford to buy yourself a drink at a party then maybe you should stay home

No I think inviting people to come and celebrate doesn't necessarily mean you pay for their drinks...even 50ths etc normally there might be 1 drink behind the bar

Dilemma19 · 30/04/2023 18:42

Yanbu, I do think food is a big part of an event and being a good host.

Sissynova · 30/04/2023 18:43

@Sundaycoffee If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

So if you don’t have any extra money you aren’t allowed to celebrate anything with friends and family?

BatsHaveButtcheeks · 30/04/2023 18:44

Probably because most people take the piss when it's a free bar, and order things they're generally too tight to buy with their own money.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 18:47

Zola1 · 30/04/2023 18:41

Goady 😂 if you can't afford to buy yourself a drink at a party then maybe you should stay home

No I think inviting people to come and celebrate doesn't necessarily mean you pay for their drinks...even 50ths etc normally there might be 1 drink behind the bar

Oh 100% agree would never expect all my drinks to be paid for. I'm talking about food mainly and if you can afford a drink for everyone that's lovely too.

OP posts:
howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 30/04/2023 18:47

There's a difference between:

Let's meet in the pub for a drink.... and...

I'm celebrating, please come to my party.

Its cheeky and weird to invite people to a party and not offer food or refreshments.

SquirrellyTheSquirrel · 30/04/2023 18:48

I genuinely think some people do it solely for the presents.

I once went to an engagement party that had over 400 guest and pretty much no food.

JMSA · 30/04/2023 18:49

I agree with you, OP. No need for a free bar, but I'd organise food for sure, as well as a glass of fizz on arrival.

transformandriseup · 30/04/2023 18:50

It does seem a bit strange to hire a function room and then expect guests to pay and not put on food. They may as well have just held it in a pub/restaurant with guests paying for themselves.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 18:52

transformandriseup · 30/04/2023 18:50

It does seem a bit strange to hire a function room and then expect guests to pay and not put on food. They may as well have just held it in a pub/restaurant with guests paying for themselves.

Sorry I meant a function room within a pub, with a bar and a food menu

OP posts:
shivawn · 30/04/2023 18:52

This seems pretty normal to me. I've been to plenty 30th's and engagement parties that are just a big piss up at the pub.

fortheloveofflowers · 30/04/2023 18:53

I had a party for my 50th and didn’t provide drinks, I did provide food though. Surely people can buy their own drinks at a function 🥴
I would expect anybody to provide me with drinks. It’s bloody expensive. My party cost a £1000 with hall hire and food so no way could I buy drinks for everyone too 😳
Oh and I didn’t do it for the presents, I asked people not to buy any 🙄.

Why can’t people just go and celebrate with someone instead of wanting free drinks and food!!

TomatoSandwiches · 30/04/2023 18:53

I think a buffet and preferably 2 drinks per person but one glass is decent enough should be the minimum otherwise it's just an invite down the pub... what is celebratory about that?

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 30/04/2023 18:55

Well aren't you nice.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 18:55

Sissynova · 30/04/2023 18:43

@Sundaycoffee If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

So if you don’t have any extra money you aren’t allowed to celebrate anything with friends and family?

If I couldn't afford it I would just do something smaller at home with my dearest and dearest. Not throw a big party. Surely the wedding will be the celebration anyway?

OP posts:
MayDayMay · 30/04/2023 18:55

I would be happy with a big mum’s gone to Iceland buffet and then to buy my own drinks. I do think the host should supply food if the event is being called a party.

AtChoService · 30/04/2023 18:57

It's not a party if you aren't putting on all food and drinks for your guests.

It's just a gathering in a pub or wherever otherwise. And CF behaviour at that.

SorePaw · 30/04/2023 18:58

I'd be happy with an invitation to the pub to celebrate an event. Quite happy to by my own drinks (& snacks if wanted). I want to celebrate with the person/people, not be fed & watered at their expense.

But I think the vital part is the wording of the invitation, so that people know.

Comedycook · 30/04/2023 18:58

That's a night out...not a party

Albaniarocks · 30/04/2023 18:59

Totally agree with you, OP, unless it's clear up front and they ask for no presents. To provide no food and not even a welcome drink, but expect a present is just taking the piss and very grabby.

Favouritefruits · 30/04/2023 18:59

I’d be expecting to buy my own drinks when invited to a party but probably expect few nibbles, nothing fancy.

Erex · 30/04/2023 19:01

How dare those less well off people want to throw a party, don't they know you're after free food and drink?! Oh wait... Do I sense some hypocrisy? 😂

universityhelp · 30/04/2023 19:03

I agree - I'd never expect free drinks but of course always nice, but would expect at least a cold buffet. The nicer the food, the better the party. Otherwise, why not just ask people to come out for a drink to celebrate?

Inkpotlover · 30/04/2023 19:04

For my 50th I put money behind the bar but didn't provide food. I did let guests know though and did say they could order pub food it they wanted, but the party started at 7.30, so all ate beforehand. I don't think I was BU not laying on a buffet when I was paying for all the drinks! (There was money left at the end of the evening)

ILostMyself · 30/04/2023 19:05

I once went to an anniversary party at a local hall that was specified 80’s fancy dress. So everyone went to the effort/expense of getting special outfits and when we got there the only food was a few bowls of cheesy puffs.

It was a pay bar (fine) but they had got in some super expensive bar company that brings the alcohol and serves it and the drinks were London prices (we are not in London!!). This was at a bog standard village hall!

But even more annoying, they had got a LIVE band to come and play music all night (they didn’t even play any 80s music!!) and the couple celebrating came dressed as 90’s characters too. It was so bizarre! Everyone said they would have rather they played music on a stereo and spent the live band money on some food. We laugh about it now!