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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

264 replies

Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 18:39

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

OP posts:
MelchiorsMistress · 30/04/2023 19:05

You have a fair point. If you can’t afford to buy your guests a drink the the invitation should just be ‘join us at x pub for a celebratory drink’ rather than ‘please come to our engagement party’.

A party invitation implies food and some drink will be provided.

Cooknook · 30/04/2023 19:06

As long as the invite is clear I don't see the issue, people can then decide if they can afford to go. I've been to a few that have basically just been nights out and a chance to get together which has been lovely, but if I couldn't have afforded it I'd rather know this was the plan upfront- same if its the other way round and its a full on parry with no spend necessary.

drpet49 · 30/04/2023 19:07

JMSA · 30/04/2023 18:49

I agree with you, OP. No need for a free bar, but I'd organise food for sure, as well as a glass of fizz on arrival.

I agree with you OP. No food is just rude.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 19:07

MelchiorsMistress · 30/04/2023 19:05

You have a fair point. If you can’t afford to buy your guests a drink the the invitation should just be ‘join us at x pub for a celebratory drink’ rather than ‘please come to our engagement party’.

A party invitation implies food and some drink will be provided.

Exactly this. I have no problem paying for my own food or drinks etc. But if you're just meeting down the pub for some drinks to celebrate then call it that rather than say you are throwing a party

OP posts:
Erex · 30/04/2023 19:09

It may well just be me, but I'm surprised at people turning up to parties expecting to be fed. I was always given dinner, as a child/teenager before a party unless it specifically said a meal/buffet will be provided. Even now I'll still have dinner before a party unless it states food will be provided, I'd be mortified turning up on an empty stomach expecting to be fed. 😳

Delatron · 30/04/2023 19:12

I agree and you just need to be clear on the invite. If you are throwing a party then some
drinks and food should be provided. Otherwise it’s a meeting in a pub to celebrate- which is also fine but you are not hosting a party. That’s different.

TheGoogleMum · 30/04/2023 19:13

I wouldn't expect drinks to be paid for. I'd probably only expect food if the party was over a typical meal time

mewkins · 30/04/2023 19:15

I've been to weddings like this! Evening invitation, no buffet or cake and a really expensive bar.

stillsleeptraining · 30/04/2023 19:15

I'm always grateful for a) people organising something that'll be fun and I can see my friends and b) grateful to be invited.

Honestly couldn't imagine judging anyone - especially a friend - for not doing a big swanky do

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 19:16

A party with no buffet isn't a party I'd be attending, that's for sure!

Isn't the whole point of a party that you get buffet food?

I wouldn't expect an arrival drink though, to be honest.

RunningUpThatMill · 30/04/2023 19:19

I wouldn't dream of going to celebrate with friends and family and expect them to buy me a drink. Well, unless it was to celebrate a lotto win. It's the other way round.

Food is a little different I suppose, but I'm vegan and never expect to be catered for.

MayDayMay · 30/04/2023 19:22

I think a party invite implies buying a present and the host laying on the venue and some food.
I wouldn’t buy a present if I was going on a night out to celebrate an engagement.

tigger1001 · 30/04/2023 19:22

I would expect a buffet type thing for food at a party but I have never been to one where drink has been provided - that just doesn't seem to be the done thing where I am.

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 30/04/2023 19:24

Zola1 · 30/04/2023 18:41

Goady 😂 if you can't afford to buy yourself a drink at a party then maybe you should stay home

No I think inviting people to come and celebrate doesn't necessarily mean you pay for their drinks...even 50ths etc normally there might be 1 drink behind the bar

Hahah love your answer, my thoughts exactly. They can provide maybe a welcome drink but surely not all drinks!!

19lottie82 · 30/04/2023 19:24

I’d expect a buffet and a glass of fizz

ItsNotFood · 30/04/2023 19:24

Definitely would expect some sort of nibbles and one drink on arrival. It’s bad manners if not.

CleverLilViper · 30/04/2023 19:25

You could just change the title of your thread to “if you can’t afford to buy your own drinks, stay home.”

IncompleteSenten · 30/04/2023 19:27

I'd rather pay for my own drinks if it meant I could celebrate a big life event with a friend rather than do nothing because they don't have a lot of money.

Clarinet1 · 30/04/2023 19:27

I’m about to have a party for a landmark birthday and there will be sandwiches, cake, strawberries and cream and a welcome glass of fizz plus a pay bar for further drinks. It won’t be a particularly heavy-drinking crowd but, besides being more of an occasion, I think it is wise to provide something to sop up the booze!

Mari9999 · 30/04/2023 19:31

I think it is in poor taste to invite someone to a party at which you are announcing your engagement and expect them to pay for anything.

If you wish to have a low cost announcement , you can put an announcement in your local newspaper. If you want to have a no cost announcement, you can do it on social media.

Viviennemary · 30/04/2023 19:32

I think there should be food. I agree ìf you can't afford it save up till you can. Wouldnt expect a free bar.

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 30/04/2023 19:33

ItsNotFood · 30/04/2023 19:24

Definitely would expect some sort of nibbles and one drink on arrival. It’s bad manners if not.

Why??? Celebrating something does not mean providing food and drink for everyone for free! Its odd.

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 30/04/2023 19:34

Mari9999 · 30/04/2023 19:31

I think it is in poor taste to invite someone to a party at which you are announcing your engagement and expect them to pay for anything.

If you wish to have a low cost announcement , you can put an announcement in your local newspaper. If you want to have a no cost announcement, you can do it on social media.

Is it. They are announcing their engagement not a free party.

LolaSmiles · 30/04/2023 19:37

I wouldn't expect free drinks but would expect some nibbles or party food, otherwise it isn't someone hosting a party (but if someone did money behind the bar instead of food that would also be fine to me as it's still hosting).

Having no refreshments seems cheap to me. If they can't host a party then invite friends for a night out and a few drinks, don't pretend you're putting on a party.

Erex · 30/04/2023 19:38

Okay, MN is very grabby when it comes to parties, it would appear. 😅