If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

[Sundaycoffee]

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

I don't think the issue here is 'enough' food. But there was 'no' food at all.
Everything I have attended, even house parties when I was a poor student 😁the hosts had the decency to at least offer some snacks.

I agree that people can be flakey. Every past 'outing' I've organised I expect at least a third will drop out last minute or not show up. I was considering a full-on catered affair for my engagement but because of that I dropped the idea and will just be ordering pizza. Easy enough to re-stock if needed. I have been to a lot of networking etc events and they do that, along with sandwiches.

I'm going to guess, you are the plus one at these events?

like many have said parties in a function room are usually pay for yourself bar and a pile of beige food.
I think you have to expect nothing when going to party or evening of a wedding in the U.K. Eat before so you don’t get wrecked and expect to pay, anything else is a bonus.

I feel the same to an extent! I’ve been to a few baby showers where guests have to chip in towards the food when it’s booked and pay for drinks when you get there. Don’t mind the drinks obviously, but to me it seems really grabby to decide to throw a party, have the guests pay for it and buy a gift.

MN is massively grabby when parties are involved, if you can't afford a banquet, a free bar plus Louis Vuitton party bag then don't bother.

I would definitely expect to put on a bit of food if I was inviting people to a party plus a dj/band at a proper hired out venue, I wouldn't necessarily provide drinks.

If it was at my house I would provide food, soft drinks and basic alcohol, I love hosting.

When our kids were little we got engaged, we booked the back section of a pub, bought the first round and provided cake. The pub allowed us to bring our own bubbly for a toast/thanks to people coming. We couldn't afford a buffet but were clear with everyone about what was being provided. Everyone happily ordered a meal in the pub or ate first. These were our closest friends/family so definitely weren't bothered.

I think if there is not going to be food at a party then it's polite to say so people can eat first, we went to a wedding evening reception an hour away once. There was no food as the daytime guests had a hog roast at 6pm, they did cut the cake though so we had a slice each then ordered dominos on the way home. I found that really rude TBH. We didn't stay too long.

For parties at home I would never expect the hosts to provide everything, everyone has different budgets so as long as you know in advance I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

You can definitely tell the middle class apart from us peasants on this thread.

Every engagement party I've been to is an Iceland buffet made by the hosts mother, a few card factory balloons and party poppers, in a 'you pay for your own' social club function room 😂

Nothing wrong with a low budget party
Agree with this.

Though as ever on threads where money comes up, I find myself suspecting that some of the people defending poor hosting as a rich/poor issue (think so you are saying poor people can never celebrate anything) are likely to be as middle class as they come. 😂 If they were working class then they'd already know that a club room and buffet is a thing and that a buffet doesn't have to be an expensive externally catered affair that costs hundreds of quid.

I know what you mean I think. If it was a get together in a pub, I’d rather a casual Whatsapp which might convey the level of formality/suggest if I need to eat beforehand or not. If I got a proper invitation to a party, I’d be looking forward to a bit of a spread put on and would be a bit gutted if there wasn’t one. 😂

But I would expect to buy all my own drinks. Free bars bring out the worst in some. Eg Tight wads who would never pay for a double but decide to have a triple when someone else is picking up the tab. And a tray of shots.

This!!
I went to a kids 7th party the other day - thought it was a picnic party but i didn’t read the invite right - it said bring your own picnic! I had no food for my kids and the host didn’t make any spare sandwiches 😳 she later boasted how it was a ‘cheap’ party 🤷‍♀️

Free bar does encourage gluttony in some not to mention mayhem when too much has been had. I've saw it at work events, the quadruple vodkas, expensive malts and bottles of champagne being ordered.

A small buffet at least I agree with if it's a party in a room etc, but not free booze. That's a ridiculous amount of money to find and not everyone can afford to fund 50 alcoholics because let's face it, no one gets pissed on their own dime in a pub/bar nowadays! If it's a meal to celebrate a birthday then that's definitely different, it's every man for himself in that scenario

I totally agree with you Op
If I was invited to a ‘party’ in a function room I would expect a basic platter.
I really have an issue with people holding ‘parties’ and not informing people of what will be provided
A few weeks ago dh and I were invited to a birthday party at a restaurant. We were told to RSVP as they needed to know how many people to expect. There was a set three course dinner . We expected to pay our own drinks which was not an issue . The ‘party’ was in another city so we travelled down .

At the end of the meal we were told that we would have to pay for our own meal and that the bill for the drinks would be split . I don’t drink alcohol and dh was driving so he didn’t have any alcohol. We ended up paying out over £200 .To make matters worse the couple are multimillionaires . In addition , people had bought presents for the celebrant.

Op, the ‘party’ that you attended was basically a piss up .

I'm over the moon if I go to a party in a pub/club/function room and there's pie and peas on. A big buffet is a huge treat, and seen as extremely hospitable. Only free bars I've ever been to are works parties. (And, to be honest, I haven't seen that for a couple of decades). But I live in a very working class town, and it's what people are used to here. I don't have a problem with it.
I think it's different with children's parties, and I would be really put out if there was no food of any kind in that scenario.
One thing I do wish, though ... that the invite would let you know if there was going to be food, and at roughly what time. That would be really helpful!

I agree OP put food on.

I've just been to a party, told no food but place has food menu. We turn up I go to order food and they've sent to bloody chef home cos of the party. Completely ridiculous!

In a pub function room I'd expect a basic buffet and if that's not provided then I'd expect it to be mentioned when invited so I know to eat beforehand or plan for paying there

But I'd never expect a free bar or even a free drink at anything, short of a toast at a wedding. YABU to expect that and to imply they can't have a party if they can't afford that.

If they want to invite a lot of people then the pun probably said they had to book the room rather than "flood" the main bar

I can’t believe the people saying they wouldn’t have a party unless can provide free drink! Do you seriously think working class/low paid/ disabled people should never have a party with friends? Jesus Christ, I’ve got a good job and still couldn’t afford that! A buffet at a function, finger buffet at the house but most people bring their own drink, I’ll have a few bottles of wine, beers and juice but couldn’t afford to provide alcohol for everyone!

You're not 'poor' are you lol.

You don't have to spend anything and you CAN'T spend what you don't have. I have gone to many a party/celebration with pay bars etc... and not spent a penny because I didn't have a penny to spend.

Damn glad my 'poor' friends didn't cancel their celebration or judge and patronize me by decide for me that I 'couldn't afford' to attend and be their friend so still invited me though and we got to hang out together... that one thing us poor people know how to do well though.

We didn't bother with an engagement party.
That being said I'd at least sort some food out. But drinks no I wouldn't be paying for. That's unreasonable really.

You do know gifts are an unnecessary choice not a ticket entry price that require equal repaying right?

If you are gifting something with the expectation of getting your value back in free food and drinks their your mindset is all wrong.

That said very few presents are given at events I attend, everyone is aware everyone else is in the same boat money wise and we would much rather have a friend celebrate with us than receive a M&S Chartreuse board (either as a host gift or as guest snack).

I don’t hold any parties but if I attend one I wouldn’t show up without a gift. I’ve not been to any parties (since I was 18) that didn’t have food

I don’t think they mean they should provide alcohol. No parties I go to have free drinks but they do have a buffet. A party at a venue I’m talking about. A party at a home is different but generally parties at venues tend to have food. I wouldn’t host a party if I couldn’t afford to put on food no. There’s no rules you need to hold parties, surely if you can’t afford it don’t have one. I’ve not been to a party in years at a venue which didn’t have food. In my mind it’s part of the cost of holding a party. Which is why I wouldn’t bother holding one as it’s a lot of money to hire a place and pay per head for a buffet. If you’re not going to provide food then people should add to invite as most people don’t eat before going to a party at a venue

I was invited to an engagement party;I didn't go as it clashed with something else.

It was held in a function room with a buy your own drinks bar;in the event social media group the "bride" announced that the only food they'd be serving would be crisps on the tables and they'd be samosas and slices of the engagement cake later on in the evening.

They did however have a professional photographer there.

Buffet food is a must. But drinks? No, i have never provided free drinks for everyone as well.

What are you on about?

'Events' often require a minimum spend. In the OP's scenario the hosts expected this to be footed by the guests. So they wouldn't be happy if someone just showed up and 'didn't spend a penny'... because they'd have to pay for it. I have also been to events where a bill was presented at the end of the night. Surprise!

Maybe you're lucky enough to be the one poor friend. so everyone else around you more than made up. Or your friends aren't CF's and didn't expect you to pay. Great! I'm happy you have such amazing people in your life!

But the rest of us mere mortals have no way of knowing. So it's simple - just state upfront if people are 'required' to pay.

I'm doing quite well now but it wasn't always like this. I haven't forgotten...

I am also a bit surprised at all the opinions that parties have to involve some free drinks or food. Where I come from parties often do have food provided. But equally it's not unheard of sometimes if someone has something to celebrate with friends and hires a venue with a cash bar and puts on some entertainment or arranges a large gathering at their house but it is byo booze, that we would still collectively call it a 'party'. Are you all saying you've never done this? My friends are not rich... Pubs are small round here, so if you want a few people gathered together then hiring a section of pub or skittle alley is the way to go. Surely you'd still call this a party? I mean an invite to such a party isn't a summons, people can go if they want to or decline if they don't want to go. Surely people are pleased for their friends who are getting engaged and would like to help them celebrate. Maybe the couple can't afford much more than hiring the venue?

Sounds like your a bit of a party pooper. Who cares if there’s food or not. Don’t go if your that bothered