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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

264 replies

Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 18:39

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

OP posts:
FacebookFun · 30/04/2023 20:22

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Kanaloa · 30/04/2023 20:24

I would expect to provide food and drinks if I said I was hosting a party. If I couldn’t afford that I would suggest meeting up for a few drinks. The thing is if it’s a party I would presume you’re expecting a gift. The flip side to that is that you provide food and drink.

DorisDolabella · 30/04/2023 20:28

It depends on your circumstances. When I married my husband we had no money. I hired a hall, hired some DJ equipment and a friend DJd. I picked a venue with a cheap bar. For the wedding breakfast I said I wasn't excluding anyone but you would have to pay for your own meal. We went to the local Italian. Work did my cake, my best friend bought my dress and my father in law bought champagne for a toast. My sister sorted a car. No dress code. It is still remembered as being a lovely wedding as it was so low key and relaxed. We said we didn't need presents but if they wanted to give us vouchers for Currys we would put it towards a washing machine. The best man did the photos and my father in law played us in to the registry office as he played the bagpipes. People gave us money in the end. We made a small profit on the day and had no stress

Soapyspuds · 30/04/2023 20:28

Why are you posting on Mumsnet?

Can't you afford your own forum?

Darhon · 30/04/2023 20:28

I’d expect some food but not drinks if invited to a party in a function room. Also happy to be invited to a meal in which I pay for myself or a party where we are asked to bring something. And would always turn up at a house party with booze.

mondaytosunday · 30/04/2023 20:28

Agree. I don't understand paying for drinks - even at a wedding. Set the venue, menu and guest list according to your budget.

newjobnewstartihope · 30/04/2023 20:28

I agree

OnMyWayToSenility · 30/04/2023 20:30

Engagement party for me meant
Drinks all round and huge buffet..
Cost £2.500

Lovely time had by all 😀

HarleyLane · 30/04/2023 20:30

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

I had an engagement party 30 years ago. A party with born families and friends, to celebrate together. ( fortunately because we didn't ever make it to the wedding...😳😂😉)

ShowUs · 30/04/2023 20:30

YANBU

If I was invited to a party I would expect some free nibbles and free alcoholic drink.

If I couldn’t afford any of it then I wouldn’t have a party or I would make it very clear that it’s not a party and it’s just a meet up where you buy your own drinks and food.

newjobnewstartihope · 30/04/2023 20:31

My cousin had a baby shower at a pub and expected us to pay per head for the buffet

I didn't go

ShowUs · 30/04/2023 20:31

I’ve also never heard of an engagement party and think it’s a ridiculous idea.

Hankunamatata · 30/04/2023 20:31

I wouldn't expect drinks but some food is cheap and easy.

FacebookFun · 30/04/2023 20:31

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Mari9999 · 30/04/2023 20:37

@Haveallthesongsbeenwritten
Then they should make it clear that it is an announcement and not a celebratory party. If they want a minimal cost event then might as well feature it as a BYOB.

Sometimes, it is reasonable to tailor your wants to the limitations of your pursue.

PollyPeptide · 30/04/2023 20:39

If there's neither food nor drink, then basically it's a suggestion to meet at the pub and bring me a present. It's definitely not a celebration party.

DyslexicPoster · 30/04/2023 20:45

I went to an evening wedding reception once and the food ran out at 50% of the guests. I really really wanted to leave and get a takeaway. That was about 15 years ago. Me, dh, cousins and kids was all starving. It was the shiitest wedding I have ever been to because the only memory was us all moaning and the kids moaning about being hungry. I'm sure the bride groom and immediate family had the best day. I'd not go to evening do again without eating and taking snacks for kids since.

Rainallnight · 30/04/2023 20:45

DorisDolabella · 30/04/2023 20:28

It depends on your circumstances. When I married my husband we had no money. I hired a hall, hired some DJ equipment and a friend DJd. I picked a venue with a cheap bar. For the wedding breakfast I said I wasn't excluding anyone but you would have to pay for your own meal. We went to the local Italian. Work did my cake, my best friend bought my dress and my father in law bought champagne for a toast. My sister sorted a car. No dress code. It is still remembered as being a lovely wedding as it was so low key and relaxed. We said we didn't need presents but if they wanted to give us vouchers for Currys we would put it towards a washing machine. The best man did the photos and my father in law played us in to the registry office as he played the bagpipes. People gave us money in the end. We made a small profit on the day and had no stress

You made a profit on your wedding day?

Erex · 30/04/2023 20:46

Qilin · 30/04/2023 20:01

Always has been. The expectation from several posters over the years that all drinks are provided at weddings and other parties always surprises me. I have been to dozens of weddings in a wide range of settings over the years and have had a free bar only once.

Show quote history

Same, apart from I've never been to one with a free bar.
I would usually buy the bride and/or groom a drink (at weddings), I'm actually embarrassed for the posters expecting their drinks to be covered all night!

HipHipCimorene · 30/04/2023 20:47

Whilst I do think some food should be provided I don’t think it’s necessary to provide drinks. Although, as a host, I’d find it odd to expect my guests to buy their first drink. Or a drink for a toast.

woodhill · 30/04/2023 20:51

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 19:16

A party with no buffet isn't a party I'd be attending, that's for sure!

Isn't the whole point of a party that you get buffet food?

I wouldn't expect an arrival drink though, to be honest.

Yea I went to one like that, no food and having to buy drinks but still took a gift. It was a bit meh imo

FarmGirl78 · 30/04/2023 20:51

I don't think I've ever been to a Wedding with a free bar. And I'd certainly never expect an engagement party to be a free bar. I'd love to live in your world where everyone has so much money to fling round. Or maybe this is why no-one can afford houses these days?

LindorDoubleChoc · 30/04/2023 20:53

Yanbu. Host a party and cover the cost. If it's a wedding and you can't pay for everyone's drinks at least provide some food and one or two drinks.

woodhill · 30/04/2023 20:55

It's the lack of food which was the problem

Snugglemonkey · 30/04/2023 20:56

Erex · 30/04/2023 19:09

It may well just be me, but I'm surprised at people turning up to parties expecting to be fed. I was always given dinner, as a child/teenager before a party unless it specifically said a meal/buffet will be provided. Even now I'll still have dinner before a party unless it states food will be provided, I'd be mortified turning up on an empty stomach expecting to be fed. 😳

I never eat before parties 😂 I have never been to a party without food and don't want to offend anyone by not eating their food.