If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

[Sundaycoffee]

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

Why would you expect a drink or someone to pay for your drinks? I don't get that.

Because I've never been invited to a party and not been provided with at least one drink.

Because they have said they are hosting a party which is different to "please join us for a drink or two at the Red lion"

Okay, MN is very grabby when it comes to parties, it would appear
I wouldn't consider my guests to be grabby for expecting me to provide some form of refreshments at a party I'm hosting.

I'd think it was unreasonable if they expected me to have a free bar and a meal at a casual party, but wouldn't think it's unreasonable if they expected some nibbles and/or a glass of something on arrival

Otherwise it's not a party. It's hiring a room and expecting people to cater themselves.

I would expect there to be food but would expect to buy my own drinks.

Not heard of anyone having an engagement party for years. I’d expect food at a party in a pub function room (buffet, pie & peas etc) but buy own drinks.

I wouldn't expect the drinks to be included at a birthday or engagement party held in a venue with a bar. Some food - yes.

At a wedding I'd only expect maybe a welcome drink and approx half a bottle of wine per person on the tables if having a sit down meal - but not if buffet and/or evening reception only. Food - again, yes.

However, if you are having one of these events and not providing food - just let people know so they can eat in advance. Most people won't be upset by it but would prefer to know so they can eat in advance and not feel they need to leave early as they're hungry.

I think there should be some effort made to host guests: at least some food.

I once went to an engagement party in the park (so no hire fee) and absolutely nothing was provided or offered. No effort to host or introduce guests to each other either. It was a bizarre experience where we ate our own food where no one talked to us, then left as it felt super uncomfortable. I was shocked that there weren't even snacks or a glass or something provided.

Always has been. The expectation from several posters over the years that all drinks are provided at weddings and other parties always surprises me. I have been to dozens of weddings in a wide range of settings over the years and have had a free bar only once.

I'm I am ‘inviting’ I would expect to provide food and a drink for a toast.

Not like my cheeky friend, who sent us an invite to her 30th birthday party, a three course meal, for a group of friends, in a smart country house, £80.00 between us to high the expected fancy dress...and then the surprise of the bill for the meal at the end of the night!

DP and I have both been to (separate) parties recently where there was a little bit of not very nice food and a pay bar. One a milestone birthday party, the other a wedding party for a wedding that had happened privately.

Well off people in both cases (as far as we know). It left a bad taste in the mouth. As @howdoesyourgardengrowinmay Implies, don’t call it a party if you mean come to the pub and buy your own drinks.

Yes. Poor people shouldn't celebrate anything ever. If they can't afford to keep me in champagne at their engagement do, how will they pander to all my needs at their open bar, accommodation included wedding like I demand?

Because they’re hosting! That’s what hosting is about. It’s a human impulse to feed and water your guests. It’s weird not to.

Not another thread complaining about the hoi polloi throwing parties they cannot afford.

I agree OP. I'm not even talking about an open bar but it's poor hosting to invite guests and not provide them with something to eat.

Agree with you OP. They should have just said, come down to the pub rather than saying they're throwing a party.

Like you, I would rather have several smaller parties at home where I'd provide food/drinks rather than spending money on a function room and then not affording to provide either drinks or food.

Completely -agree

Recently went to a wedding as an evening guest at 6.30 pm and the only thing provided was a piece of cake and a very small bacon bap, at about 9 pm.
I thought that pretty stingy - as an evening only guest going to the trouble to dress up, travel, provide a gift etc, I expected enough food to not be hungry!

To general parties I don't mind what's provided, but it's really important to know beforehand. I also think that if you are expecting guests to buy all their own drinks, it needs to be a reasonable price. It's not on to invite people, provide nothing, and then it costs £4 for a coke.

And is engagement parties a thing now? Never happened back in the day. It was a hen/stag do, then the wedding.

Odd to not put on food but I've never been to a party or wedding where all drinks were paid for

I have honestly never been to a party where you didn't buy your own drinks, weddings aside. Parties I go to are a function room, generally in a social club, with balloons and banners, maybe with a disco or band, a cold buffet at about 9pm and always a bar where you just buy your own drinks.

I have never been to a wedding with a pay bar. I wouldn’t dream of inviting guests to a party and expecting them to pay for their own drinks.

Lunch Party, there is lunch
Birthday Party, there is food which can be a buffet
Engagement Party, ditto Birthday
Significant age Party- we have invited people to celebrate at a restaurant with us. They have paid for dinner, we have picked up the drinks bill.
Silver wedding - Party at home - we provided lunch and drinks.

Weddings: wedding breakfast and drinks or canapés and champagne.

On the whole I don't think it's polite to invite people to your occasion without being hospitable. If you don't provide food and drinks it's inhospitable.

Expecting food and drinks to be served, isn't grabby but not to do so is very rude. Better to serve good bread and cheese to many with a few glasses of plonk in the village hall than to invite herds of people to a "swanky" affair and expect them to pay.

Agree that a formal “party” should be catered at the minimum.

Having a celebratory drink / night out is different and should be worded differently.

Ie “we’re having a few drinks at X on X day, love it if you can come”

versus “we’re having an engagement party on X at Y please rsvp”

I also feel this about weddings though, if you can’t afford to have a wedding without massively inconveniencing guests (Wednesday anyone? / pricey drinks / enforced expensive rooms at the venue etc) then you should keep it super low key without a reasonable budget.

Financial position shouldn’t be a barrier to people celebrating but it’s got to be appropriate and in proportion, can’t afford a big formal engagement party then don’t have one, have a few drinks at home with close mates!

YANBU. If there's no food and at least soft drinks, it's not a party.

Totally would expect food! And a drink for a toast.

My SIL/BIL used to have big parties at their house and provide nothing. Nothing at all. Expected people to bring their own drink and no food, then would be pissed off when people left when hungry, ordered takeaway, stopped coming! Some people are clueless