If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

[Sundaycoffee]

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

Similarly to an evening wedding reception we were invited to, timed for what would normally be dinner time… nothing at all announced to attendees it wasn’t a sit down function.

3rd wedding for him, first for her, money not an issue.

held at a very high end establishment too. In our case we lived o/s so flew in to attend esp. for it as it was a close friend of DH’s.

I just don't understand what people are thinking when they do this.

No one’s mentioning a free bar.

It should be about the celebrating the peoples engagement and not the food/drink!

Several people are mentioning a free bar...

just be kind - consider how lucky you are if you can afford it

I would never expect a free bar - in fact I wouldn’t expect any drinks, if there was a welcome / toast drink that would be a bonus. But I would always expect food, if it’s a party, and I would never host a party without putting out food. I also think it would be fine to say, we’d like to have a celebration, tight budget, can everyone bring a platter (I’d rather do that than buy an engagement gift, which always seems a bit cheeky when you are getting a wedding present anyway!)

This ^^🤣🤣

Yes we didn't expect anyone to do anything or give us anything. Noone had to get special clothes. We didn't stop every ten minutes for photos. People were asking what they should get us so we said vouchers but they didn't have to. We had gifts as low as a fiver. I also had my wedding on a weekday which meant that only my good friends would take the day off work. That's my tip for ditching the hangers on. I said it was remembered as such because that's what I was told. If they didn't want to come to the wedding breakfast they didn't have to and we did have a simple buffet at the evening do. We had decent music and great friends and a cheap bar. The thing is my husband and I were deeply and madly in love and we were never going to save up to get married. The love made the wedding special. I was shocked that some of our dear friends gave us enough money between them so we could buy a washing machine.

Our friends are the same. Drink and food is expensive. You can't assume everyone can afford it. Especially these days

Not a huge profit. I was surprised but we didn't insist on gifts. We said if people insisted we would have electrical vouchers. I was shocked how generous people were. I now put charity events on so I can do fun and inclusive gigs. Never charge more than a fiver on the door and have raised over £15k. I guess it's a knack. I do it for Macmillan in memory of my lovely husband sadly.

The point was not to make a profit. The point was to marry the love of my life. No one had to come to the wedding breakfast but no one was excluded and you could get a plate of pasta cheaply. No one had to give a gift. I chose an evening venue with a cheap bar. I have seen fathers of the bride sweating over a free bar and worked in a place where they would rip them off horrendously. I would have hated telling my friends they didn't make the cut for the wedding breakfast. How on earth do you choose? I was surprised some friends who could afford it were generous. We got our washing machine.

It isn’t a party if there’s no catering. It’s just a get together.

If I’m paying for myself, I’d like to choose where I’m going. Not some random village hall.

The worst wedding we ever went to had a 2 hour drinks reception with 1 glass of Prosecco each. No other drinks, no water, no bar facility to buy our own. Then during dinner we had to buy our own drinks. The bride (my friend) had, however, had her face printed on the casino money for the casino she hired, also booked a 20 piece swing band that no one could dance to and bought all the females a pair of flip flops to wear after we had danced 🤦🏼‍♀️ We really would have preferred a glass of wine instead 😂

I disagree as I had a party last month to mark the anniversary of the death of Margaret Thatcher which coincides with my birthday. No one expected food. We had a raffle to raise funds for strikers, bands and dancing. We also had donations for food banks. It was a great party.