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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT pick my DP up from the pub?

289 replies

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 22:42

I’m 21 weeks pregnant. DP has been playing golf today, then went to a local pub (10 minutes walk), which I dropped him to. I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

I’ve put a late night snack in the oven, got my pyjamas and a movie on. Suffering with heartburn which has been common this pregnancy and obviously really tired.

DP texts me asking for a lift. He’s gone to another pub, so he’s now a 30 minute walk away, which is 10 minutes in the car. I said, I’m tired, have heartburn, I’ve put food in the oven and I just want to relax. He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PissTakeSubstitution · 29/04/2023 22:45

When my pyjamas are on I’m not leaving the house unless it’s a genuine emergency.
YANBU.

EekGoesTheBaby · 29/04/2023 22:46

His choice to go further away and assume you would give him a lift without checking. That's his problem. You're not being selfish; he is being demanding.

AssertiveGertrude · 29/04/2023 22:47

I don’t think it’s fair on you when you are caring for his kids too on top of everything

Silvergoldandglitter · 29/04/2023 22:47

We always pick each other up when needed. It's only a 10 minute drive, I'd do it.

Forforforfawn · 29/04/2023 22:47

Not at all. Stay where you are. He chose to change pubs and should have thought about how he would get home. You’re not selfish and lazy.
He would’ve picked you up, would he? I bet you wouldn’t have made him give 4 valid reasons why he couldn’t pick you up and still ignored them all, then insulted him.

strawberryfluff · 29/04/2023 22:48

How did he think he'd get home?

Iloveacurry · 29/04/2023 22:49

Only difference being is that he’s never been pregnant, and if you were out on a Saturday and he was at home, I bet anything he wouldn’t pick you up as he probably would of had a couple of drinks at home.

Alittlestar · 29/04/2023 22:49

You're definitely not being unreasonable to not want to go out again.

MuffinToSeeHere · 29/04/2023 22:49

Fuck no. Stay home. I wouldn't have done it before the crap comments from him but you'd be a bloody mug to do so after what he's said to you.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 29/04/2023 22:49

Silvergoldandglitter · 29/04/2023 22:47

We always pick each other up when needed. It's only a 10 minute drive, I'd do it.

It's not though, is it?

It's twenty minutes for OP who's pregnant, done childcare and is now relaxing with her feet up while her dinner cooks.

He should have thought about how he'd get home before going to another pub.

YANBU OP. It's hardly the middle of winter - surely he can walk home?

Iloveacurry · 29/04/2023 22:50

Also, he has heard of a taxi?

GabriellaMontez · 29/04/2023 22:51

He's selfish to ask. What's wrong with his legs?

takealettermsjones · 29/04/2023 22:51

It doesn't help you now, but for future... When DH goes out without me, I tell him before he goes what the latest time I will pick him up is. Then I know I can 'clock off' at that time if he hasn't messaged.

But half an hour's walk/ten minutes in a car? It's a nice enough evening. And taxis exist. He's being an arse.

SquirrellyTheSquirrel · 29/04/2023 22:51

Can he take a taxi or if it a case that he has to walk?

Nanny0gg · 29/04/2023 22:53

How's everyone else getting home?

Original poster
Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 22:55

The other friends at the pub live within walking distance (5-15 minutes).

I assume he thought I’d pick him up, as I usually do. I don’t like it being assumed I will pick him up from anywhere he ends up. I’m tired and just want to chill out!

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 29/04/2023 22:57

Do the teenagers live with you full time? Why is he playing golf all day and drinking the rest when his children are at his house without him?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/04/2023 22:58

Are you supposed to leave the children at home? He sounds like a selfish prick. His lack of planning is not your emergency.

Curseofthenation · 29/04/2023 22:58

He's a lazy CF. It's a hard no.

Who asks their pregnant wife that has spent a full day doing childcare? I say that as someone that is currently 18 weeks pregnant and dealing with pregnancy exhaustion too. My DH would never dare ask...

Littleworkaholic · 29/04/2023 23:01

no way I’d do that, he’s a grown up, he got himself there, he can get himself back, I’d take serious ducking issue with the fact he’s got abusive with it too.

Original poster
Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:02

He’s now complaining his foot is painful and I’ve exacerbated it by not picking him up.

OP posts:
TyneTeas · 29/04/2023 23:02

The time it will take you to get ready, drive there and back will be probably longer than the time it will take him if he just walks!

Original poster
Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 29/04/2023 23:04

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Why is he not looking after his children? All day?

stop reading his messages.

CanofCant · 29/04/2023 23:04

Is this your first child together? I'm just wondering if it's the trigger to turn him into a massive knob.

YANBU, don't accept a hard time from him over this. He's being really unreasonable and nasty with his words. Fingers crossed he realises it tomorrow when he is sober and he apologises properly to you.

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