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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT pick my DP up from the pub?

289 replies

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 22:42

I’m 21 weeks pregnant. DP has been playing golf today, then went to a local pub (10 minutes walk), which I dropped him to. I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

I’ve put a late night snack in the oven, got my pyjamas and a movie on. Suffering with heartburn which has been common this pregnancy and obviously really tired.

DP texts me asking for a lift. He’s gone to another pub, so he’s now a 30 minute walk away, which is 10 minutes in the car. I said, I’m tired, have heartburn, I’ve put food in the oven and I just want to relax. He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Spiderboy · 29/04/2023 23:45

I’d have picked him up. It would be max 10 mins and I’d just go in my pyjamas to know he’s home safe. Then again my OH wouldn’t never call me names if I said no either, that would piss me off.

Kvetching · 29/04/2023 23:48

I’d do it, because my husband always does it for me.

I picked him up from the station the other night and I drove there in my dressing gown.

Rosula · 29/04/2023 23:51

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:02

He’s now complaining his foot is painful and I’ve exacerbated it by not picking him up.

If his foot was painful, he shouldn't have walked to the pub that was further away. He has no-one but himself to blame.

BadNomad · 29/04/2023 23:52

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Tell him the next time he's 21 weeks pregnant and spent the day running around after three children, you'll be happy to test his claim.

Now might be the time to have a chat about expectations as your pregnancy progresses. A lot of men think nothing of still going golfing and then on to the pub when their partner is 40 weeks pregnant.

ChrisPPancake · 29/04/2023 23:54

Turn your phone off.

Addymontgomeryfan · 29/04/2023 23:56

Leave him to find his own way home.

maddening · 30/04/2023 00:04

Remind him that you have entertained his children while he has been wanking around the golf course and drinking in the pub and you are 21 week pregnant with his child and suffering uncomfortable side effects and he demand lifts and calls you names because he can't be arsed to either walk 30 mins or pay for a taxi -.he is rude, lazy and selfish and on notice!

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/04/2023 00:07

"I would have picked you up!"

"Well you are clearly a better person than me who just selfishly and lazily looked after 3 kids all day whilst being pregnant with a fourth and is exhausted. Obviously I should have prioritised you over all of that and made sure I wasnt too tired to fetch you because you decided to move to a pub further away"

Is what I would say to him tomorrow. I would WANT to say it tonight but given that has had a drink, is already in a pissy mood and your are pg, save it until he is sober and hopefully massively hungover.

WandaWonder · 30/04/2023 00:08

Dh and I help each other out and unless you are having medical issues with being pregnant I am not sure how that is relevant

PickAChew · 30/04/2023 00:15

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:02

He’s now complaining his foot is painful and I’ve exacerbated it by not picking him up.

My heart bleeds for him. How he got a bloody taxi.

Given that you both have your own kids, already, take this as a lesson that you need to draw a great big line in the sand, right now. I'll guess you already have experience of selfish, useless, lazy, manipulative knobbers and I bet his ex does, too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/04/2023 00:17

WandaWonder · 30/04/2023 00:08

Dh and I help each other out and unless you are having medical issues with being pregnant I am not sure how that is relevant

Maybe it isnt relevant but what is relevant is that.....she doesnt want to.

She is comfy, resting after a busy day and waiting for her food to cook. I am doing the same after a busy day with kids and work, and I am not PG! No way would I be leaving the house for anything less than a genuine emergency.

His "I dont want to walk home" doesnt trump her "I dont want to leave the house" purely on the basis that he is her husband! FFS.......this place is so fucking Hand Maiden sometimes....

Triflenot · 30/04/2023 00:26

I’d do it myself, mainly because my OH would do the same for me.
However, I’d make sure I wasn’t being asked for late lifts after about 30weeks, and for a considerable time after.

ImustLearn2Cook · 30/04/2023 00:31

@Coraldeo Maybe you should take an entire day off for yourself, he can look after the kids all day.

Jumbojade · 30/04/2023 00:32

WandaWonder · 30/04/2023 00:08

Dh and I help each other out and unless you are having medical issues with being pregnant I am not sure how that is relevant

You’re not sure how being pregnant is relevant?🤔 It doesn’t need to be medical issues, have you never found yourself getting more tired, when you are pregnant? If not, then you are indeed one of the lucky few.

ImustLearn2Cook · 30/04/2023 00:38

Driving when you are too tired is considered to be as unsafe as driving while under the influence of alcohol.

So, it’s not selfish to say that you are too tired to drive.

LumpyandBumps · 30/04/2023 00:40

It would be a no from me. Once the bra is off that’s it for the night.

FrosteeFlake · 30/04/2023 00:53

MeinKraft · 29/04/2023 23:36

Show him this thread!! OPs husband you are fucking lucky she looks after your many children while you spend hours swanning around a golf course let alone getting dropped off at a pub after and drinking ALL EVENING leaving her to do everything on her own and she's pregnant! I hope she leaves you, you selfish lazy fucker.

Yup, this.

Thesharkradar · 30/04/2023 00:57

sure he would
you've been doing the domestic work all day, whilst pregnant, making it a family weekend for his 2 teenaged children too.
He's been on a whole day jolly and sprung this on you last minute. If the tables were turned I wonder what he'd do?
He can get a taxi surely? He changed his plans with the assumption you'd obey him and now he's verbally attacking you because he overplayed his hand

NatashaDancing · 30/04/2023 01:12

I really don't understand why he can't get a taxi. Do you live somewhere taxis don't exist.

It wouldn't enter my head that if I'd been out all day and into the evening with friends that I would phone my husband to come and collect me. I'm sure he would if I asked but, I'm a grown up - finding my way home after a night out is what grown ups do.

And the same if it were my husband who'd been out.

Raindancer411 · 30/04/2023 01:19

He needs to get use to it as once baby is here, you won't be able to just rock up and collect him anytime he wants

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/04/2023 01:26

Raindancer411 · 30/04/2023 01:19

He needs to get use to it as once baby is here, you won't be able to just rock up and collect him anytime he wants

Well he didnt get used to it after their first (joint) child was born as it seems that the OP's step children are old enough to sit for half an hour or so, so in his world his older kids can look after the younger ones so that the OP can look after him.

He is pathetic and I cant help wondering why his first marriage failed.....

Matchymatchylemonscratchy · 30/04/2023 01:28

“I’ve looked after your children all day and this is how you speak to me? I’m turning my phone off. You can apologise in the morning.”

Is he always this much of a knob?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2023 01:31

WandaWonder · 30/04/2023 00:08

Dh and I help each other out and unless you are having medical issues with being pregnant I am not sure how that is relevant

I got so annoyed with the 'you're pregnant, not ill' bollocks. Pregnancy is tiring, it's draining, it can make you sore and sick and tired and heavy and feel like shit.

Maybe you danced through pregnancy glowing like a fucking instagram mummy. I didn't. And OP might not either. She said she had heartburn, was making a snack, wasn't up for it. Since she's growing a whole human being, maybe she gets a get-out-of-jail-free card.

kingtamponthefurred · 30/04/2023 01:33

I hope it's your turn to have the day off tomorrow while your husband does all the parenting and child-ferrying.

RockGirl · 30/04/2023 01:36

Yes I would have gone to pick him up.

I also wouldn't stay with a man who uses words like 'selfish' and 'lazy' to describe me.