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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT pick my DP up from the pub?

289 replies

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 22:42

I’m 21 weeks pregnant. DP has been playing golf today, then went to a local pub (10 minutes walk), which I dropped him to. I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

I’ve put a late night snack in the oven, got my pyjamas and a movie on. Suffering with heartburn which has been common this pregnancy and obviously really tired.

DP texts me asking for a lift. He’s gone to another pub, so he’s now a 30 minute walk away, which is 10 minutes in the car. I said, I’m tired, have heartburn, I’ve put food in the oven and I just want to relax. He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Diplidocus4 · 30/04/2023 05:28

How old is the child in bed ? Are they being left alone while you collect him from the pub ?

DreamingofGinoclock · 30/04/2023 05:57

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:02

He’s now complaining his foot is painful and I’ve exacerbated it by not picking him up.

Not to painful to play golf though was it ...

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2023 06:06

LadyJ2023 · 30/04/2023 03:28

Erm not sure what relevance being pregnant is unless you have health issues from it. Life continues as life does with all of my pregnancies till the bitter end lol. If you normally pick each other up and you never made it clear you were staying in tonight then its your problem tbh if normally you have no problem collecting him. I duno think your both being childish what's ten minutes in a car

Some lucky women sail through their pregnancies. It is important to rest our bodies to help that human grow. Epigenetics. Op is exhausted from growing a human and looking after 3 children, 2 of whom are not even hers whilst he swanned off, doing his thing. Choices have consequences and the consequence is that op is now too tired as he’s not being a team player.

Shoxfordian · 30/04/2023 06:26

Did you go pick him up? I’m impressed you’re a taxi service as well as an unpaid childminder for his kids; expect you do all the cleaning too - stop being a mug

Snoopyandthemuppets · 30/04/2023 06:30

I’d text back -
who looked after the kids all day?
who has patented all day?
who is shattered because they are pregnant. 24/7?
who isn’t drinking as they are pregnant?
who has done loads of housework all day?
who has played golf all day on his feet?
who went out drinking with his friends?

say again who is selfish?

Snoopyandthemuppets · 30/04/2023 06:31

Also you can not leave a child under 16. NSPCC guidance.

He is so entitled isn’t he?

Skodacool · 30/04/2023 06:32

Tell him to get a taxi

ImustLearn2Cook · 30/04/2023 06:32

To pp telling her she should have picked him up: Op’s partner got to have some r&r for the day and evening. Why isn’t she entitled to a little bit of r&r in the evening?

mischlerischler · 30/04/2023 06:39

If his foot is fine when golfing, he can also walk home or take a taxi.

YANBU at all.

DrySherry · 30/04/2023 06:41

I think it's not unreasonable of him to expect you to pick him up because you have said - that usually you do. I think you should know he expects a lift so if you wanted to get into you Jim Jams (which is fine) you should have let him know. A quick text along the lines of "I'm pooped today darling, are you OK to make your own way back today ?". Its important to note you should do this before retiring to bed wear - because usually you pick him up without complaining. Storm in a tea cup stuff, totally avoidable.

BarbaraofSeville · 30/04/2023 06:44

With a text, you have an easy get out because what a shame you were already asleep and didn't see it.

He can't even be arsed to call and ask you properly so that just adds to the long list of reasons why he can get himself home in a taxi if he's too exhausted after his hard day of having fun with his mates to walk.

YouJustDoYou · 30/04/2023 06:55

He sounds like an absolute prick.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 30/04/2023 07:00

Snoopyandthemuppets · 30/04/2023 06:30

I’d text back -
who looked after the kids all day?
who has patented all day?
who is shattered because they are pregnant. 24/7?
who isn’t drinking as they are pregnant?
who has done loads of housework all day?
who has played golf all day on his feet?
who went out drinking with his friends?

say again who is selfish?

Perfect response.

I hope he is apologetic as hell this morning.

Dentistlakes · 30/04/2023 07:17

YANBU. Ridiculous of him to expect it. Get a bloody taxi or walk!

SchoolShenanigans · 30/04/2023 07:22

No man will ever call me lazy, don't accept that.

He also needs to communicate better. If he's going to be reliant on lifts then he needs to ask in advance, not expect.

YANBU. If this is your first baby with him, good luck. Sounds like you're doing to need it sadly.

Treacletoots · 30/04/2023 07:24

You don't seem to like each other that much OP.

He's a selfish arse who expects you to act like a nanny to his kidd whilst he fucks off all day on himself and you don't want to drive just 10 minutes to do him a favour.

Rather than wonder who is right or wrong here ask yourself what do either of you get out of this relationship, really.

I'd pick my DH up in a heartbeat if he asked, and for a lot more than 10 minutes drive, but then he treats me with respect and wouldn't ever fuck off for an entire day expecting me to be his unpaid nanny.

JaffaCake70 · 30/04/2023 07:40

Would he come and collect you in similar circumstances?

If so, I think you should go and get him.

JenWillsiam · 30/04/2023 07:46

of course he would pick you up. Just like he would look after all the kids while pregnant.

PaigeMatthews · 30/04/2023 07:50

Callixte · 30/04/2023 03:30

I'd probably have picked him up, but hell no to this: he’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up, especially after you've been wrangling his children all day. He's sounding more and more unattractive the more he whinges and guilt-trips I'd be less and less likely to pick him up the more he goes on. Does he just hope to wear you down so he gets a lift right now, no care for any longer-term impact?

Name calling gets him the lift now.
The long-term impact is that op will pick him up any and every time in future, without question, because she knows he will become aggressive if not.

This is the start of a miserable life with him. This is the first red flag.

Bogeyes · 30/04/2023 07:57

He is too lazy to walk for 30 mins?

usernother · 30/04/2023 07:59

I can't think why he is even asking you? Get a taxi. That's what they are for if he can't be bothered to walk. I never pick my OH up from nights out and would never expect anyone to pick me up. You were ready for bed OP and definitely not being selfish.

Dibbydoos · 30/04/2023 08:01

I'd have picked him in my pj's, lol.

We used to reciprocate though.

You, however can choose for yourself. Pregnancy is knackering and you've had a busy day....Uber anyone?

MRex · 30/04/2023 08:10

He sounds very unpleasant. If he can't walk then he could just get a taxi, but the insults would certainly put paid to any lifts from me. Is he usually unpleasant, calling you lazy etc or is it "just" when he's drunk?

SmallFerret · 30/04/2023 08:10

He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.
😂😂😂

Says the man who expects you to provide free childcare to HIS kids, take them to activities & feed them, while he swans off all day on his fucking hobby & drinking sesh? & he reckons YOU are selfish?

And now he can't walk 30 minutes home, but reckons YOU are lazy?

Is this an aberration, or is he always an entitled prick who thinks you are his personal skivvy?
If he treats you like this while you are pregnant, how is he going to be when you have a baby & 3 DC that he expects you to take care of while he carries on pleasing himself like a single man?

TriesHardButOftenFails · 30/04/2023 08:14

It's reasonable for him to ask for a lift if that's what you usually do but he should accept you saying no on this particular occasion. He should behave like an adult and sort himself out.