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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT pick my DP up from the pub?

289 replies

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 22:42

I’m 21 weeks pregnant. DP has been playing golf today, then went to a local pub (10 minutes walk), which I dropped him to. I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

I’ve put a late night snack in the oven, got my pyjamas and a movie on. Suffering with heartburn which has been common this pregnancy and obviously really tired.

DP texts me asking for a lift. He’s gone to another pub, so he’s now a 30 minute walk away, which is 10 minutes in the car. I said, I’m tired, have heartburn, I’ve put food in the oven and I just want to relax. He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SmallFerret · 30/04/2023 08:14

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

And does he ever take care of all 3 DC for a whole day while you please yourself & expect him to just act as Default Parent?

SmallFerret · 30/04/2023 08:16

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

When has this ever happened?
Does it happen a lot?
Do you ever get a full day's leisure to yourself while he uncomplainingly runs all 3 DC around, entertains & feeds them, & takes care of the house?

I'm guessing no, & that he's a bullshitting manipulator who thinks your unpaid labour is his right.

Jackienory · 30/04/2023 08:17

Easier to shout up an Uber. But I’d be mindful not to ask again.

Clarabell77 · 30/04/2023 08:20

Snoopyandthemuppets · 30/04/2023 06:31

Also you can not leave a child under 16. NSPCC guidance.

He is so entitled isn’t he?

That is not NSPCC guidance..

billy1966 · 30/04/2023 08:21

What a loser you are having a child with.

Bad move.

Has you skivvying aupairing for his children whilst he is out for hours having fun🙄

This is your life and will likely get a lot worse very soon.

Men like him seek out women with low standards to be their lacky and do THEIR parenting.

He turns nasty towards you when after a long day looking after his children and being pregnant, because won't pick him up from the pub.

Your standards must be on the ground to accept such treatment and to not see what an awful future you have with this loser.

Your poor child being saddled with such a waster.

Wake up OP, before its too late and rethink this pregnancy with such a selfish loser.

TheMossEnthusiast · 30/04/2023 08:22

Golf is walking simulator, he can walk a bit more.

Inthesamesinkingboat · 30/04/2023 08:23

Maybe three hours walking round a golf course made his foot painful? What a prick

Boughtitdownthemarket · 30/04/2023 08:38

My dh would have just done the walk. Half an hour walk isn't long.

sanityisamyth · 30/04/2023 08:42

maddening · 30/04/2023 00:04

Remind him that you have entertained his children while he has been wanking around the golf course and drinking in the pub and you are 21 week pregnant with his child and suffering uncomfortable side effects and he demand lifts and calls you names because he can't be arsed to either walk 30 mins or pay for a taxi -.he is rude, lazy and selfish and on notice!

He got a lift with the police at least then!

MeinKraft · 30/04/2023 08:45

LadyJ2023 · 30/04/2023 03:28

Erm not sure what relevance being pregnant is unless you have health issues from it. Life continues as life does with all of my pregnancies till the bitter end lol. If you normally pick each other up and you never made it clear you were staying in tonight then its your problem tbh if normally you have no problem collecting him. I duno think your both being childish what's ten minutes in a car

Just because you're a handmaiden doesn't mean the OP has to be.

SoupDragon · 30/04/2023 08:48

MeinKraft · 30/04/2023 08:45

Just because you're a handmaiden doesn't mean the OP has to be.

Show quote history

Stop with the handmaiden shit.

CornishGem1975 · 30/04/2023 08:51

On the fence. I'd do it as I expect him to pick me up!

Batalax · 30/04/2023 09:00

Who is the lazy and selfish one who can’t be bothered to walk 30 minutes to save his knackered, pregnant heartburny partner from having to do another favour for him after she’s been busy all day looking after his kids.

Turn it round.

Rosula · 30/04/2023 09:01

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Does he really contend that, if he felt absolutely lousy after a full-on day looking after the children on his own, he'd be perfectly happy to flog out to collect an adult from the pub when that adult is perfectly capable of walking or getting a taxi? Tell him that next time he has man flu you're going to test that one out.

Stravaig · 30/04/2023 09:02

He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

When was the last time he took care of all the kids by himself for the day?
Has he ever? Even once?

When has he been snuggled in for the night, then come back out to get you from your all day all night jolly?
Has he ever? Even once?

That's what I thought.

Has he ever done any of it whilst he's pregnant?
No. No he has not.

Have you ever spoken to him with such disrespect and contempt?
I'm guessing not.

He's an utter arse - which makes you unreasonable to be having kids with him.
Save yourself the time and trouble and get out now before it gets any worse.

maddening · 30/04/2023 09:03

sanityisamyth · 30/04/2023 08:42

He got a lift with the police at least then!

Show quote history

Not sure what you mean 🤔?

NetZeroZealot · 30/04/2023 09:08

Well I would have popped a coat on over my PJs and gone to pick up my DH as that's a nice thing that couples do for each other. I'd expect him to do the same for me too.

But no way would I put up with disrespectful language if I had chosen not to do it.

Mollymoostoo · 30/04/2023 09:09

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Do people not know how to get a taxi/uber?

Jewelanemone · 30/04/2023 09:11

maddening · 30/04/2023 09:03

Not sure what you mean 🤔?

Show quote history

Re-read the first line of your post.....

Devoutspoken · 30/04/2023 09:11

And what's wrong with posters expressing opinions about 'handmaiden shit'? Isn't this a public forum

sanityisamyth · 30/04/2023 09:12

@maddening Wanking around the golf course 🤣

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 30/04/2023 09:14

He is a knob

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 30/04/2023 09:14

His foot wasn't hurting enough to stop him playing golf or waking to several pubs

I hope you didn't pick him up op. I might have picked him up if he'd asked nicely, but to call you selfish after you've looked after his children all day and he's been swanning around doing a hobby and drinking just reeks of entitlement and twattish behaviour

piedbeauty · 30/04/2023 09:21

YANBU at all. He, on the other hand, is selfish, lazy, and rude. Don't let him speak to you like that!

His foot wasn't too sore to play golf all day then walk to pubs all evening, was it? Twat.

Do you often look after his Dc for him?

Butchyrestingface · 30/04/2023 09:25

He'll have told his mates that the little woman at home was coming to pick him up and now he's embarrassed that his manly authority has been undermined.

Need to do this a lot more often, OP.