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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT pick my DP up from the pub?

289 replies

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 22:42

I’m 21 weeks pregnant. DP has been playing golf today, then went to a local pub (10 minutes walk), which I dropped him to. I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

I’ve put a late night snack in the oven, got my pyjamas and a movie on. Suffering with heartburn which has been common this pregnancy and obviously really tired.

DP texts me asking for a lift. He’s gone to another pub, so he’s now a 30 minute walk away, which is 10 minutes in the car. I said, I’m tired, have heartburn, I’ve put food in the oven and I just want to relax. He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CanofCant · 29/04/2023 23:05

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:02

He’s now complaining his foot is painful and I’ve exacerbated it by not picking him up.

He sounds like a baby.

MuffinToSeeHere · 29/04/2023 23:05

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Honestly I'd make him sleep on the sofa. No way would I put up with that crap and I wouldn't be listening to his nonsense all evening. I hope he has some redeeming qualities.

blahblahblah1654 · 29/04/2023 23:06

Why is he sodding off all day drinking and you're entertaining the kids? Calling you lazy is out of order.

Ohthiscantbeit · 29/04/2023 23:07

The kids are in bed, who will be looking after them if you go and collect him

AssertiveGertrude · 29/04/2023 23:07

His foots sore 😡 bullshit
i would tell him to get lost

MakesMeFeelSad · 29/04/2023 23:08

What's wrong with ordering a taxi,?

MakesMeFeelSad · 29/04/2023 23:09

And his foot was obviously OK while he was playing golf 🙄

Hbh17 · 29/04/2023 23:10

A normal person would just get a taxi, rather than expect their partner to drag themselves out at night, pregnant or not.

QueSyrahSyrah · 29/04/2023 23:11

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Well frankly you're at risk of getting attacked or raped or worse on the way home alone, much much less so for him.

I often offer to pick DH up when he's been out in town (he always comes to get me) but he wouldn't dream of accepting, even without all the very valid reasons you have! He picks me up for my safety, if I could safely walk home as he does I would.

SargentSagittarius · 29/04/2023 23:16

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:03

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Remind him he’s been playing golf all day and then at the pub while you’ve been looking after his children while pregnant.

’Selfish’ and ‘lazy’??

Neither of us would dream of asking the other for a lift home in these circs, and even if I offered, DH would insist on making his own way home. This isn’t some amazing thing on his part - this is entry-level considerate human-ing.

Where do people find these sub-standard men…………?

ShowUs · 29/04/2023 23:20

If you have DCs who can’t stay home alone then I definitely wouldn’t pick him up.

But if you don’t then I’d shove a coat over my PJs and go and get him if he’s only 10mins away.
I’d want my DP to do it for me.

PollyPeptide · 29/04/2023 23:20

You don't need to overegg with heartburn. You don't want to go and he can get a 10 minute ride in a taxi.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2023 23:20

SargentSagittarius · 29/04/2023 23:16

Remind him he’s been playing golf all day and then at the pub while you’ve been looking after his children while pregnant.

’Selfish’ and ‘lazy’??

Neither of us would dream of asking the other for a lift home in these circs, and even if I offered, DH would insist on making his own way home. This isn’t some amazing thing on his part - this is entry-level considerate human-ing.

Where do people find these sub-standard men…………?

Show quote history

Agreed. Totally. It’s outrageous he expects you to run after him when he’s done nothing and you’ve entertained his teens for the day.

Codlingmoths · 29/04/2023 23:22

Oh dear that’s a shame you will have to stay home and parent next time. Does he know you are going to get tireder with the pregnancy, and then you aren’t going to drag a baby out of bed so lifts home from his partner are finished for a few years? Might be a good idea to tell him!

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/04/2023 23:22

He’s a selfish arsehole.

You need omeprazole. Completely stopped my pregnancy heartburn, one pill a day and safe for the baby. Don’t suffer when you don’t have to.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 29/04/2023 23:25

I'd retort that he's the selfish lazy sod expecting his pregnant girlfriend to drop everything and come pick him up when he has a perfectly capable pair of legs and had the day off having fun while you looked after HIS kids. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Gymnopedie · 29/04/2023 23:29

I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

So you've done all that while he's...umm...played golf and gone to the pub. And you're the lazy one? Okaaay.

So you are the default taxi service, childcare provider and what else? Because I bet this is only the tip of the iceberg. Why are you entertaining HIS children while he swans off - does he regularly palm them off onto you?

TomatoSandwiches · 29/04/2023 23:33

If he is not contrite and genuinely apologetic tomorrow what will you do op, his attitude and behaviour to his pregnant wife is foul.

Inertia · 29/04/2023 23:35

If he's got a sore foot he'd best pack in the golf.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/04/2023 23:35

He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

You're 21 weeks carrying his child and you've been running around with his kids all day. He should WANT you to relax. He's an utter twat. New, or just more of the same?

MeinKraft · 29/04/2023 23:36

Show him this thread!! OPs husband you are fucking lucky she looks after your many children while you spend hours swanning around a golf course let alone getting dropped off at a pub after and drinking ALL EVENING leaving her to do everything on her own and she's pregnant! I hope she leaves you, you selfish lazy fucker.

Sparkyduchess · 29/04/2023 23:39

Uber is his friend. He’s a knob for pushing the point - not unreasonable to ask, entirely unreasonable to be a dick about it

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/04/2023 23:40

@MeinKraft I really hope he sees your message!

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/04/2023 23:42

He get get a taxi or walk home

Assume he managed to walk there

And yes why is he in the pub /out all day when his kids are there

Who isn't he looking after his kids

RJnomore1 · 29/04/2023 23:43

I’m with the poster up thread who says I’ll pick you up before a certain time then afterwards I open the wine/get into bed etc.

Hes utterly unreasonable and the foot thing would enrage me given he managed to golf all day, get to a pub 20 minutes further away etc with no issue.

is it a one off possibly because he’s had a few or is he generally a self centred arsehole? Given you’ve had the kids all day while he’s swanning about I could take a guess…

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