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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT pick my DP up from the pub?

289 replies

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 22:42

I’m 21 weeks pregnant. DP has been playing golf today, then went to a local pub (10 minutes walk), which I dropped him to. I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

I’ve put a late night snack in the oven, got my pyjamas and a movie on. Suffering with heartburn which has been common this pregnancy and obviously really tired.

DP texts me asking for a lift. He’s gone to another pub, so he’s now a 30 minute walk away, which is 10 minutes in the car. I said, I’m tired, have heartburn, I’ve put food in the oven and I just want to relax. He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SmallFerret · 30/04/2023 12:01

ChopperC110P · 30/04/2023 11:51

🤣🤣 As if misogynistic men spend any time thinking on what women think or our opinions. That’s the whole point of misogyny, womens opinions do not matter. Even our consent does not matter. Of all the things you could have come up with to justify calling me a man this is the silliest.

Show quote history

Er ... where have I called you a man?

Is it in the same place that I hate my step-daughter, ie the depths of your vivid but crazily narrow imagination?

btw misogynistic men dedicate reams of time to thinking about women's wants & opinions. How else to they confound them so expertly? Have you seen what's going on with Roe vs: Wade lately? That is some seriously devious & committed thinking about women, right there.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 30/04/2023 12:06

Anyway, back to original OP!

How did it go OP? Did he apologise when he got home?

ImustLearn2Cook · 30/04/2023 12:06

‘Well, as I say your standards are incredibly low if you think it is acceptable that lounging on the sofa and watching telly is a valid reason to not get off your arse and spend 20mins total giving your partner a lift.’

Wow! What a nasty interpretation.

It’s not low standards to plan some rest and relaxation for yourself for the evening. To put some food in the oven, get in your pj’s and relax on the couch to watch a bit of telly. And then not want to sacrifice it for a last minute text asking to come pick me up from the pub.

Perhaps next time he changes his plans to go to a pub further away he can ask his partner if she would be willing to come pick him up before he goes there. And then he can decide if he’s willing to walk 30 minutes or get a taxi home or just walk home from the pub that is only 5 minutes walk away.

Not expect her to drop everything the moment he wants to come home.

Her plans for relaxing at home uninterrupted is just as important as his uninterrupted relaxing at the pub. Which he got by the way.

30 minutes walk really isn’t that far. My child and I used to do that twice every day to and from school.

SmallFerret · 30/04/2023 12:10

Cheesyfootballs01 · 30/04/2023 12:06

Anyway, back to original OP!

How did it go OP? Did he apologise when he got home?

Seconded, let's get back on track! How are you doing today OP?

Thesharkradar · 30/04/2023 12:12

Exactly a 30 minute walk is nothing, what a pathetic weak puny man he must be if he throws a hissy fit because he has to do a 30-minute walk, ewww.
How did he ever muster up the stamina to get his wife pregnant???
is he a big fat blimp @Coraldeo or are his little legs so delicate that they snap when he stands up

Thesharkradar · 30/04/2023 12:13

Coraldeo · 29/04/2023 23:02

He’s now complaining his foot is painful and I’ve exacerbated it by not picking him up.

Probably got gout from drinking too much=self inflicted=no sympathy

AliceOlive · 30/04/2023 12:21

Mercury is in retrograde. maybe that explains all the vitriol on threads towards OPs this weekend. Pregnant women expected to play late night mummy/taxi driver to their husbands who’ve been drinking all day and can’t figure out how to take a short walk home or get a lift. Women in wheelchairs told they aren’t pulling their own weight.

My husband wouldn’t ask me to come get him unless absolutely desperate, pregnant or not. Nor would I bother him this way. How did these people who think that’s terrible get around before they got married?

kitsuneghost · 30/04/2023 12:26

No chance. Besides who gets a car out for a 30min walk?

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/04/2023 12:26

CanofCant · 29/04/2023 23:04

Is this your first child together? I'm just wondering if it's the trigger to turn him into a massive knob.

YANBU, don't accept a hard time from him over this. He's being really unreasonable and nasty with his words. Fingers crossed he realises it tomorrow when he is sober and he apologises properly to you.

That crossed my mind too.

And buggering off to play golf all day when his children from a previous relationship are there? Unless he is the resident parent (OP has not indicated either way) he's a shit dad - they're here to see you, parent, not parent's partner!

aSofaNearYou · 30/04/2023 12:52

I would not tolerate anyone calling me selfish and lazy when I've spent the day looking after their two kids, let alone the other factors.

Pesimistic · 30/04/2023 13:04

He's a fucking arsehole

Thesharkradar · 30/04/2023 13:13

I agree it looks like his predatory/exploitative/opportunistic side has been triggered now that you are vulnerable and pregnant
You really have to nip this in the bud @Coraldeo 🌱🥀

katepilar · 30/04/2023 13:18

What a selfish lazy demanding person he is :/

I certainly wouldnt ask anyone for a lift if I could walk it myself in 30 mins. Let alone if it was because I was in pub.

AuntMarch · 30/04/2023 17:31

The man had been in the pub all evening, two fewer pints would have covered a taxi, or he could have made his request before he moved on to a pub in the opposite direction and maybe then OP wouldn't have been in her pyjamas with food in the oven.

He had also been golfing all day.. how can he wander a golf course all day and not manage a half our walk in mild weather!? Ridiculous to suggest he was stranded anywhere.

Devoutspoken · 30/04/2023 17:34

Golf all day, pub all night, kids from the ex missus looked after by the new missus - he's got it made

CornishGem1975 · 01/05/2023 12:45

Nanny0gg · 30/04/2023 10:39

But he wouldn't be pregnant...

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It's not an illness.

Nanny0gg · 01/05/2023 14:00

No pregnancy is not. But you can still be very ill whilst pregnant

Mothershit · 01/05/2023 18:16

My husband would pick me up regardless of who had the most fun day, and I would pick him up too. Wouldn't get dressed though.

Madamum18 · 01/05/2023 18:23

And he’s also saying he’d never not get up and give me a lift, trying to make me feel guilty!

Tell him "Yes well you will never be pregnant either so get over yourself! I'm not coming. I'm PREGNANT, been looking after kids all day, tired, and I've got heartburn, NOT selfish!"

SargentSagittarius · 01/05/2023 19:19

CornishGem1975 · 01/05/2023 12:45

It's not an illness.

Show quote history

How many times does this have to be tediously repeated on this thread?

Do you think you’ve offered some seeringly insightful contribution with that post?

No, it’s not an illness. It does make you tired though, and especially so when you’ve been looking after someone else’s kids all day.

The OP is neither lazy, nor selfish.

The male worshippers on this thread are a sight to behold…. 😳

CornishGem1975 · 01/05/2023 19:25

Haha take a fucking chill pill @SargentSagittarius It was a direct response to another comment, not an insightful opinion, but yes I still stand by it. It's not an illness, that's not male worshipping, that's ridiculous. The hatred for men on Mumsnet is next level, no wonder so many have relationship issues.

Pumpkinspice13 · 01/05/2023 19:28

No you weren’t being unreasonable. He may come when you need a lift but he’s not 21 weeks pregnant with food in the oven. He will never understand.

MumMRM · 01/05/2023 19:38

How old are the children? Will they have to get out of bed and go with you? Surely he could get a taxi, it would not cost a lot for a 20 mi it’s drive.

5128gap · 01/05/2023 19:50

CornishGem1975 · 01/05/2023 19:25

Haha take a fucking chill pill @SargentSagittarius It was a direct response to another comment, not an insightful opinion, but yes I still stand by it. It's not an illness, that's not male worshipping, that's ridiculous. The hatred for men on Mumsnet is next level, no wonder so many have relationship issues.

The misogyny from some of the men on MN can be 'next level' too. No wonder so many can't get a relationship at all.

Louk2382 · 01/05/2023 20:01

You ok OP? Would be good/reassuring to hear how your day has been. Hopefully better x